Called to What?

This was originally posted at the Big Bible Project

http://bigbible.org.uk/2011/12/called-to-what-minidvr/#.TunhbLIr27t

DECEMBER 10, 2011 BY ERNIE FEASEY LEAVE A COMMENT

I’ve been exploring a [1]vocation within the Church of England for a little over two years.  The exploration has been a journey of ups and downs, but mainly ups.  The process described as ‘discernment’ is for the church to discern an individual’s vocation (or call) to ministry, to select and to train and form the individual for their future ministry.  The system is national, with local variations, diocese by diocese.  The process appears convuluted and can be prolonged, but at the end of it, you hope that your call will be discerned and that you will go forward for training for the type of ministry you feel called too.

While I have my own blog[2], I have been excited and envigorated by the Big Bible and digidisciple concepts, in particular the digidisciple blog posts, some from people who I know, or enjoy online relationships with, and others who I don’t know, but want to very soon.  The concept seems to me to be very enabling and particpatory, which has been very much my experience in the vocations journey so far.

So, why write another blog?  I thought that I might write on how I feel about the terminology of the discernment process and how in other contexts words, phrases or terms used relate  speak to me of other things or places in my life, which might point to something different..

I come from a military background, my original ‘call to serve’ was as a soldier.  The first word I’m thinking about is ‘call’! In military terms you might use it to describe a summons to duty, the one perhaps familiar to most people would be the bugle calls ‘Reveille and Last Post’. It is also a call to war.  I’m reminded of of the Poem by Robert Willian Service[3], written from France in August 1914, just after the start of the Great War of 1914-1919.

The Call:

Far and near, high and clear,
Hark to the call of War!
Over the gorse and the golden dells,
Ringing and swinging of clamorous bells,
Praying and saying of wild farewells:
War! War! War!

High and low, all must go:
Hark to the shout of War!
Leave to the women the harvest yield;
Gird ye, men, for the sinister field;
A sabre instead of a scythe to wield:
War! Red War!

Rich and poor, lord and boor,
Hark to the blast of War!
Tinker and tailor and millionaire,
Actor in triumph and priest in prayer,
Comrades now in the hell out there,
Sweep to the fire of War!
Prince and page, sot and sage,
Hark to the roar of War!
Poet,  professor and circus clown,
Chimney-sweeper and fop o’ the town,
Into the pot and be melted down:
Into the pot of War!

Women all, hear the call,
The pitiless call of War!
Look your last on your dearest ones,
Brothers and husbands, fathers, sons:
Swift they go to the ravenous guns,
The gluttonous guns of War.

Everywhere thrill the air
The maniac bells of War.
There will be little of sleeping to-night;
There will be wailing and weeping to-night;
Death’s red sickle is reaping to-night:
War! War! War!

http://media.photobucket.com/image/jesus%20gun/elite_17/jesus-machine-gun.jpg?o=10

Service wasn’t against military service itself.   He enlisted, at age 41,  despite being unfit, before being discharged. He later served as a war correspondent and as a stretcher bearer and ambulance driver with the American Red Cross. Reading this poem, it seems to me to have been prothetic, given that it was written at an early stage of the war, before some of the great war poetry was written by the likes of Rupert Brook[4], Wilfred Owen[5], and Siegfried Sasoon[6].

Why does this speak to me?

Having spent the greater part of my adult life in uniform, several tours of which were active service. Not in today’s context, but the no less dangerous environment of Northern Ireland.    Somewhere along the line, perhaps in the last two years of service, the call to serve in the vocation of military got lost somewhere.  I’m still trying to work out whether it was conscience or disilluison or just plain fatigue?  But somehow, sending more and more young men off to pointless wars seemed illogical and in the case of the second Iraq War, illegal.  We seemed to have gone to war purely on a fabrication of the existence of Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not ashamed of my service. I am proud to have served. I remain enormously proud of our armed services and the job that they are doing, and will continue to do.   I just know that I have somehow become a pacifist.

I became a Christian fairly late in this process, which I’m sure had some impact on my thought process. It was the start of a process of transformation which led to where I am now. With a new ‘call to serve’ but God, not war.  It’s started, where will it take me next?

---

[1]^{http://www.churchofengland.org/clergy-office-holders/ministry/vocation.aspx}

[2]^{http://ukviewer.blogspot.com/}

[3]^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_W._Service}

[4]^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rupert_Brooke}

[5]^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilfred_Owen}

[6]^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siegfried_Sassoon}

Called to What?

I've become involved in the Big Bible Project.

My first post there is available here 

I'll be continuing this blog as well. Next post in a couple of days.

Christian New Media Conference #cmac11

I attended #cnmac11 at City University last Saturday, it was the second time I had been, the first being #cnmac10.  Others have blogged elsewhere much better than I can, but, having had time to reflect upon the conference, I considered it in terms of vocation.

What did I get from this conference and what does it say to me about Ordained Ministry?

First, it was a magnificent community event. 300 like minded people joining together to seek the Spirit’s guidance and wisdom in how we can use social (New) media to engage with people online and off line. The atmosphere was electric, joyful and full of good nature and humour. I was able to meet new online friends, off line and to know that our online relationships, transfer with ease to off line.

Second, the content of the conference was challenging and wide ranging. Last time I went to mainly theological type presentations, this year I was looking for more practical, ‘matter of fact’ presentations from acknowledged ‘digidisciples’ who I have come to know and to interact with online, to enhance my understanding of the more practical aspects of NM. I sense that next time I would look towards the more technical ‘geeky’ aspects of NM.

Third, a large number of the participants both presenters and participants were in Ordained or Lay ministries within their respective denominations, a mix of  a high proportion of Anglican/Methodist, but with lots more from Baptist and Free churches. Each one I spoke to or interacted with had a story to share and imbued all that they did with a clear and refreshing perspective of ‘why they were here - and what they were about’, God’s business. 

 Conclusion.  From my perspective it was both encouraging and invigorating to be among them, able to communicate in their language, but also to feel affirmed that my input was as valued as theirs. The word I would use is ‘welcoming’ which seems to me to be a large part of  Ministry. The listening, accepting, welcoming of the new, while respecting and holding it in tension with the traditional and cultural aspects of our faith and belief and seeing where they fit together to pass on the good news.

Death of an Uncle

My sole remaining Uncle has just died, sadly, in a hospital after a fall, from which he suffered a broken hip, further complications weakened him so much he did not respond to treatment. He passed away alone at 0130 hrs, which I’m told is a common time for those near death to surrender to it. It seems to me that God has taken him into his loving arms to take away his suffering. The night before, when his partner visited, he had managed to summon the strengh to take and to squeeze her hand. Which she is now believing him to have used to say good bye.

I’m still in a little shock. While not unexpected, he had been unwell for the past couple of years and was waitng for transfer from hospital to a care home, something he was unhappy about, as he only wanted to be allowed to go home to die.

He had been a vibrant, fully alive and with all his faculties until very recently, when Dementia had reduced his ability to communicate. But he would come alive when members of his family or his partner Margaret visited and particularly when talking about his life and Army service in the last war.

I was incredibly proud of him, he was a true hero, in the quiet, unassuming way that he described his experiences of fighting with his Battalion in the Alamein campaigns. Being taken prisoner, his transportation to Italy and escaping by jumping of a moving train taking him to a POW camp. He ended up fighting with the Italian Partisans for nearly a year before recapture. He suffered ill-treatment at the hands of his captors, before being taken to be held in a POW camp in Poland. He endured the long march of prisoners forced to march back into Germany in the face of Russian advances until liberated by the Americans. He continued in the Army (he was a Regular), but remained haunted by the over 800 casualties from his Battalion, during WW2. He spoke about them with sadness and seemed to miss so many of them.

 As a person, he was a nominal Christian, but had felt very much estranged from God. He said to me once that he couldn’t see how a God would entertain him who had seen so many bad things, and who had killed people. He believed he was lost and seemed resigned to the fact. I’m not sure whether he actually had be able to reconcile this before his death, I sincerely hope that he did.

May Perpetual Light shine upon him,
May he rest in peace,
And Rise in Glory
Amen

Kings Badge of the Durham Light Infantry from http://www.northeastmedals.co.uk/british_regiment/durham_light_infantry.htm

In Sickness and in Health

I'm was spurred on this morning to write a post about the Wedding Vows we took, particularly 'In Sickness and in Health' those promises which can sound so pat on the day, but bear so much meaning when a Christian marriage is blessed with spouses who whole heartedly take on the promises unstintingly, and give whole heartedly of themselves to each other. I've been sick since Sunday evening, with a particularly nasty and virulent virus, which left me totally helpless to look after myself. It involved continuous nausea and diarrheoa over a 48 hour period, where stuff erupted from every orifice, even through my nose, giving me real worry about being able to breathe at times. More worrying was a stabbing pain across my chest, which gave rise to worries about heart trouble. But checking that out, the heart was working normally, it was just a severe increase in stomach acid coming into the windpipe and throat causing severe heartburn. I've never been the best of patients, I hate being unwell, as in my selfishness, I want to get on with things and just be and do whatever I feel necessary. On this occasion, I was to weak and giddy, just standing was an effort, accompanied by real giddiness which make me reel and have to hold onto things to take a few steps. Climbing the stairs to bed was out of the question, so I spent three nights on the coach, able to make a speedy exit to the facilities when necessary. Accompanying me on this journey, has been Jen, my beloved spouse. I've nursed her when she has been ill and after several major operations in recent years, but in reality, I've been fortunate in having fairly robust health for most of our marriage, so she found nursing an invalid, especially a cranky one, something out of the usual. I can only say, how wonderful she has been. She has been loving, patient, supportive, encouraging, nurturing and everything that the marriage promises seem to describe. In sickness and in Health, say that whatever happens, whatever state you get into, your spouse will be there, suffering with you, but doing their best to make things better. I know that it takes a special type of grace to look after the sick and disabled, and even more when it is someone you love dearly, and the thing that comes across from this experience over the three days, has been the strength or her love for me has been demonstrated to me in spades. Jen has cleaned up after me, has washed me, cuddled me and rushed around between work, the doctors and chemist to get the necessary medication. She has made up a bed for me on the coach and has even encouraged the cats to come and say hi, as I felt totally unable to make it to them. Jen has been my tower of strength, and today is our 24 th anniversary. I've not been able to buy her a card, get her flowers or chocolate and our planned celebratory dinner out tonight has had to be postponed. Her resilience in the face of the selfish, self-pitying person I became at the worst of the illness, is saint-like. And a Saint she is. From my perspective, it reinforces the commitment that we make to each other in marriage. These days, its all to easy to turn your face away from a difficulty, to be critical of someone suffering, to ignore it and to tell them to pull themselves together. In marriage, the shared life together puts aside all such selfishness. It means sharing all and everything, no secrets. A whole hearted commitment to a partnership made by God, who I am sure brought us together all of those years ago. One that's for life, wherever it takes you. I thank God for his blessings on our marriage and for Jen, whose love is so strong, and for my love for her. God be praised.

Latest DDO Meeting

The meeting last Monday, went very well. The DDO was on excellent form, dressed in summer shorts, T-shirt and trainers - so un-clerical, that he was ultra relaxed.

We discussed the Essays I had written, particularly one I had written about the Riots and we discussed the situation and the role of the church and some of the inspiring things that I had read about and even blogged about. This was an opportunity to discuss an Essay-blog written by The Rev Hayley Matthews, a priest who had been caught up in the Salford Riots and had stayed throughout just ‘being’. How inspirational I had found her story, which tied in very much with another aspect of Ordained Ministry. We spoke in some detail about my reflection on the riots and how the media, police and politicians were dealing with it, and in particular some of the biased, short-sighted suggestions being made. It was interesting to reflect on how, it had come through in his own sermon from the OT, Epistle and Gospel readings last Sunday.

We moved on to discuss the details of Selection, Initial Ministry Training and Continuing Ministry Education post ordination. Particularly the links in with the development of Common Tenure and how it was the same for both stipendiary and self-supporting ministry, albeit, curacy's were slightly different, one full time, one part-time. 

This was an engaging conversation as I felt that my knowledge of the training system was incomplete, and I had read some commentary on the internet challenging the churches leadership preparation and training for senior appointments. He gave me a detailed explanation of the system, how it has changed over time and how the new system, linked to common tenure was bringing the church belatedly, into the 21st Century in terms of Human Resource practices. He gave me a copy of the CME training criteria and explained the portfolio approach to it. A curate is required to complete all parts over the curacy which goes to the bishop towards the end of curacy to enable a decision, along with other reports, on future ministry deployment for the curate. It all made sense when I understood it.

I really felt affirmed. I know that I had visibly learned and grown during our discussiona. It was lively, two-way repartee. I continue to be impressed with the DDO’s determination to do the best for all potential ordinand's and to ensure that the church discerns a call to ministry fully and directs that call into the correct path.

It's clear that the meeting with the bishop next month is crucial. We have not organised a formal appointment, for next month, as the DDO is on holiday.   We will see the bishop's recommendation, if satisfactory,  he will book me onto a diocesan panel, probably in November and we will meet again in October.

 I had been to church earlier and said Morning Prayer aloud in an empty church.  I felt relaxed, prepared and just at peace. This feeling continues and I'm grateful to the DDO who, enables, encourages and supports my journey. I discovered that he's actually got 25 people in the system at various stages so, the fact that he gives me so much time is a blessing.

God be praised.

Hackney Riots

I come originally from Bethnal Green/Hackney. I lived just down the road from where the riots took place yesterday. It was a deprived childhood, and lots of other things contributed to me leaving to join the Army and never to return in the mid-1960’s.

In the 1980’s and early 1990’s, working in London,   I worked with Hackney Council and their Schools on providing Work Experience Schemes for pupils, who came from a wide variety of cultures and backgrounds,  all of whom, I  found eager to learn and to participate. Some went onto further education, while for others, in the main, from ethnic minorities, didn’t really have the option. I can remember one young Muslim girl, who came for interview with her mother, and anticipated her mother chapheroning her during the two week placement. This would have been impossible to manage, and we reluctantly had to decline the placement. After these placements, we would visit the schools to see the pupils reporting on their placements and their achievements during their time with us. I know that these young people contributed as much to us as we did to their education. So, I have a bias towards the young people, living in sometimes high deprivation, but who were determined to make the best of themselves for thier own sake and for their families.

More recently,  I’ve travelled regularly through Hackney, it has changed hugely, both with a much more diverse population, but also to the community facilities that exist there. The local authority, once a bye word for poor administration, has improved greatly and has striven to improve the area for its people. Some parts of the area has moved upmarket, evidenced by the high numbers of professionals moving into the area. Sadly, other parts, particularly the numerous social housing estates while improved, continue to suffer a high level of deprivation. Monied, city professionals, live, side by side with these estates of social housing, whose occupants, appear to derive little from their environment. Poverty, and unemployment are as bad, if not worse than it was in my young days there in the 1960′s.

The quality of the social housing is slowly being improved, but Hackney is a poor borough and does not appear to have received much regeneration money, most of which appears to have gone east to Stratford, Bow and Waltham Forest. Social evils include the high level of unemployment (about 35% of those between 18 and 65, mainly with the young), poor access to higher education NHS and Social services. Deprivation is a way of life. There is also the other social evils, drug abuse, gang violence and crime. Hackney struggles to overcome its history and to do better for its people.

I know that there are good community agencies, Churches and  charities doing good work in the Borough. Diana Abbott a local MP is a powerful advocate for the people of Hackney, but I wonder if anyone listens to her. These agencies even in partnership are just touching the tip of the iceberg of need in the borough.

The East End, including Hackney, has always been a melting pot, and it’s no different today. Local population use probably as many languages as are on the planet. Normally, they live side by side with no problems, but there is a high awareness of the police and stop and search is an issue for younger people. I understand that it was such an action was the spark that lit the tinder, ready primed to explode. I suspect that there is a an element of criminal activity, gang activity involved, but the scene was already set by what had happened in Tottenham the night before. I’m not sure about pre-planning or the use of social networking to spread the trouble but, given the high access and use of it by the younger generation, I’m sure it was used in some way to spread the word.

I’m not condoning in any way, what happened, those who carried out the violence, looting and everything else that happened, bear their own responsibility. But, in our safe havens, in suburbia, the realities of life in an inner-city borough are often ignored until they slap us in the face. We’ve allowed a monster to be created by our own inaction, our own inability to see further than our own bank balances and mortgages and self interest. We’ve ignored the needs for social justice and providing for those who are penalised by their post code. Now the monster is biting back.

When the dust settles, when the trials are over, when the Inquiry reports, when we’ve moved onto the next headline, the situation there will remain essentially unchanged, volatile, just waiting for the next spark. We need to catch ourselves on and act now, to prevent much worse in the future. I find it a disgrace, that one fo the richest countries in the world, allows people to exist on subsistence levels, in inadequate circumstances, without hope and without the means to move on in their lives. Condemned , discarded and forgotten.

I believe that it’s time for a National debate, where listening to the needs and aspirations of the people, particularly the young is essential. We need to provide the resources and incentives to allow them to see that they are valued and that they can do better for themselves by accessing higher education or vocational training, particularly in new technology, where the demand for their labour would be higher than the more traditional employment models. Most of all, we need to trust them and show it to do things for themselves, by empowering and encouraging their communities to work together to improve their environment. Hopeful signs are already there, in the cleanup campaigns, spontaneous giving and donations activated across communities. This could and should be developed to wider benefit in Hackney.

Labyrinth Prayer Walk

LABYRINTH PRAYER WALK - QUIET VIEW, KINGSTON, 18TH JULY 2011

I attended a Prayer Walk at ‘The Quiet View’ at Kingston, near Canterbury today. The Quiet View is a privately run site at the home of a former Chaplain to the Pilgrim’s Hospice in Canterbury and is located at a high point in a quiet, large house and garden on the Borders of Kingston, with outstanding views of the surrounding countryside.

The Quiet View was established as a development of Ministry in Paliative care by the owner, particularly after the installation of a labryinth at the Pilgrims Hospice. Now retired, the Chaplain  involved has developed her family home, over the past 30 years, to provide a quiet place for retreats, quite days and with excellent facilities for residential visits, small groups, and a wide range of activities suited to religious or secular activities, framed in a quiet, peaceful place, conducive to both prayer, spiritual development and just ‘being’. She installed a Labyrinth several years ago for personal and wider community use.

The day visit was organised by our Curate, in response to a prompt that I had felt a few weeks before. I needed to repeat in a different place from the last time. The Quiet View was chosen as a guide was available to facilitate the prayer walk. It was offered benefice wide, with a number expressing interest. In the event, most of those expressing an interest could not come. 3 of us actually, met a the parish church and travelled to Kingston, with another travelling separately, joining us at Kingston.

We were welcomed by our guide who showed us the newly installed ‘Churt’ in the ground, which is a modern, temporary dwelling based loosely on the design of a Mongolian Church, but purpose designed as a multi-use space for groups of up to 20 or more to meet for a wide range of activities. The circular shape of the Churt, with its internal accommodation height and light, is unique space and might be considered a sacred space, although, not consecrated. Further development is underway to extend its usability and to encourage wider use across the community.

Our Guide, gave us a brief on the history of her site, her ministry and the development of The Quiet View. She outlined the history of the labyrinth going back to pre-history, and its connection to spirituality. She had been instrumental in the installation of one at the Pilgrims Hospice and had studied the history in different places in the world, including some ancient sites. There was a definite connection with spirituality. ¹In the Middle Ages, walking a cathedral labyrinth was a substitute for going on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Not everyone could make the long and arduous journey to the Holy Land, so walking a labyrinth in a church was a devotional activity. Today meandering labyrinths are often used as walking meditations, to focus the mind and put the walker in tune with the greater reality metaphorically represented by the labyrinth”.

Our guide outlined the ‘Three R’s’ of a prayer walk in the labyrinth. “² 1. Releasing:  Letting go of the details of your life. This is the act of shedding thoughts and distractions and a time for opening the heart and quieting the mind. 2. Receiving: Reaching the center and contemplating what is there for you to receive. 3. Returning:  Following the same path out of the center as you walked in, and entering the third stage, which is joining with your Higher Power, or the healing forces at work in the world. It has been said that each time you walk the labyrinth you become more empowered to find and do what your soul is reaching for.

After the introduction, we were invited to pursue our own path to the labyrinth, by strolling the garden, thinking or considering those things which might be on our minds. I was able to visit a small shrine in a tent, which had an Icon portraying friendship. There was also a Celtic Cross and a modern statue, which I visualized as portraying a mother and child, which I took to be Mary with the baby Jesus. I offered  a prayer here.

I had a number of things which I had been praying and reflecting on, the most urgent of which appeared to be to do with the ill-health and apparent onset of Dementia in an elderly relative. Whose future care is currently in the hands of social services, which might mean of loss of independence and move into a nursing home.

After I while I felt prepared to start the labyrinth. On the way in, I was able to stop, take stock and to offer the situations to God, to lay them at his feet and to ask that they, through divine providence, might be make the way forward clear. As I approached the centre point, I seemed to sense that pressure was being lifted from me. A feeling of light headedness and even a little giddy. The sensation was as of something being let out, of perhaps breathing out the issues I had. On reaching the centre, I was able to pause and to reflect briefly, that I was feeling relieved. It seemed to me that a prayer specific to the situation was the Lord’s Prayer, which I offered up, silently it was heart-felt. I was prompted to move on. As I came towards the exit, the thought came to me, that I needed to let it go. The situation was out of my control, it was my relations immediate family who should deal with the situation, my practical support and prayers were enough.

After we had all been around the labyrinth, we all gathered in in the Site Caravan and took tea and discussed our experience and had a lovely conversation where we learned something about each other, we might not have shared before. This was definitely, for me the ‘returning’ being affirmed as we each returned to our day to day lives and normality.

What did I get from this experience:

1. For me, this was one of those golden times, where, I had a tangible experience of God. It seems to me that we struggle sometimes, to feel and know God within our lives. He can become a disconnected entity, with a strained relationship. I have learned that at times like this, it is important to actively seek the face of God in others we meet and inter-act with, but also to seek a quiet space, away from our routine. Here we might experience him on a more personal, one-to-one basis. Short retreats at sites such as The Quiet View, provide this outlet. We need some prepare for them. I spent some quiet time in prayer in St Peter’s Church to prepare. I said Morning Prayer aloud in an empty church, which just seemed right at that time.

2. I seem to have a tendency to visualize much of my experience of God.. I close my eyes and seek to see a sign, shape or colour which reminds me of his essence, whose face I have never seen, but hope to one day. In this experience, while walking I sensed rather than saw anything, which is something new. The gift of sensation is to precious to waste, and I thanked God for it.

3. I know that some will say that I have an overactive imagination, but what may be unreal for them, is real for me. It’s yet another sign to me of God remaining active in my life, minute by minute, hour by hour, each day. This is a gift which I feel draws me even more towards active Ordained Ministry, to serve and to share something of what God has so generously given to me. Thanks be to God.

1 John Algeo, Quest Magazine, Issue 1276, http://www.theosophical.org/publications/quest-magazine/1276, accessed 18 Jul 2011

2http://www.pilgrimshospices.org/patient-care/labyrinth/about-our-labyrinth/ accessed 18 Jul 2011

Ordination Service

Yesterday afternoon, I was privileged along with others from the benefice and parishes across the diocese to join the family and friends of the 14 Ordinands to be ordained priest at Canterbury Cathedral. This was the first time for me, and I was expectant and hopeful, particular as our curate, who has been an inspiration since she joined us last year, was to be priested.

I met our Curate outside the Cathedral on her way to anointing and she took the time to stop and to chat with me. I have been praying for her and her fellow Ordinands and shared thoughts about her big day with here and how I seemed seminal for me in seeing her progress. Being a ticket less event (for most of us) it was a bit of a scrum, but I was able to get an Aisle seat just behind the reserved seats, about halfway down the nave. Not a particularly good view, but I was just glad to be there, to be sharing such a momentous event in the journey of the Ordinands, and our Curate’s in particular.

The service was led by the Archbishop of Canterbury assisted by the Bishop of Dover. The Preacher was the former Bishop of Dover, Richard Llewellin, who has just returned from a 3 month stint in Palestine as a Peace Observer on the border between Israel and Palestine.

I found the whole service of Ordination and the Eucharist most uplifting. Particularly the singing, I don’t think there is anything quite like a large congregation in the Ancient Cathedral at Canterbury, ringing to the rafters as a very musical surge of sound. As is my wont, I visualized it knocking on the doors of heaven, demanding to be heard. (It was that sort of day). The whole service lasted two hours and it was well staged, vibrant and electrifying in places, particularly the ‘Rite of Ordination’ and the 'Eucharist'. Cathedral worship is a little more complex than parish worship and the choice of prayers used seems to be a wider use of common worship set services. The Archbishop has a melodic voice which resounded when he sang some of the service. The choir was magnificent and Richard Llewellin’s sermon resonated. It seemed to me that joy and grace was bathing all there, particularly for those being priested, but also those supporting them. Love streamed to and fro and we were united in one accord, worship of service to God.

Afterwards the Archbishop and the Bishop of Dover remained outside to meet and to greet the congregation and we were than able to meet and greet our new priests. Our curate was full of joy and excitement, which I believe we fully shared and I was gifted with a hug and a kiss on the cheek which just seemed to me to be right and natural. She is shortly to be married, so the cause for double joy for her this month. By this time I was quite tired and having a long journey, had to leave. I would have loved to stay and share more, but knew that I had much to go home, to pray and to reflect upon.

What did I get from this day?

It’s difficult to expound to much without sounding deferential, but it’s at occasions like this when I reflect back on my own reception (confirmation) into the Church of God at the Cathedral in November 2008, I just seem to be taking steps on a path, one at a time, sometimes knocked back, but always with an impetus to persevere and to push on. The Cathedral has a special place in my heart. Following my confirmation. I know that my journey as a Christian had started as a child, had been abandoned, but seemed to be really kick started at that confirmation. Immediately after just as I was coming down from the high, I received, the voice inside started nagging at me ‘its not enough - there’s more to do’ which has led me so much further on a journey, which I could not have imagined three years ago and If I am honest, I would had not believed.

For me, the experience of the three prior services I attended, reflect how worship can be so uplifting, but, can on occasion, disappoint. I go to worship hoping and seeking an experience where I feel God and the Holy Spirit to be present with us. In the main, I get this experience. Sometimes intensely, sometimes not at all. It also reflects on times when I personal prayer I really feel surrounded by the Spirit and feel comforted, warmed and even glowing. At other times I can feel nothing, but know that the routine and discipline of personal prayer is integral and really needs to be inbuilt. Not something to be picked up and laid aside when convenient. It needs total surrender of the heart, mind and spirit.

Something of which, will give the joy and certain knowledge as at the Ordination Service of fulfillment, of affirmation, but just being at peace and resting in God’s love. Ordination services are special, but it seems to me that we should treat every single act of worship or prayer as a renewed meeting with God, with greetings, praise and acknowlededment of how much he has done for us and to share with him our cares and woes along with our life. He is there, he is listening, he is comforting, he is affirming, he is Love.

Odd Socks

ODD SOCKS

During an amusing twitter conversation about the number of Odd Socks that we all seem to have, mainly by pairs being disconnected during the laundry process, it struck me, that Odd Socks and being disconnected seems to be an anology for much in our life today.

And Odd Sock is alone, it’s isolated without its partner. It doesn’t know it’s alone, it doesn’t understand that it’s not a lot of use on its own, it’s redundant, useless without its pair. To me, it symbolizes the individualistic society we live in today. We want it all, but seem to believe that we can do it on our own strength and without any support or having to be part of any community. It leads back to a conversation going on at i-church over do you have to be part of a church to be a Christian.

Before I became a committed Christian, I was that Odd Sock! I was isolated in my Agnostic/Secular Ghetto, relying on my own ego and strength, and seemingly proud of my need not need a God, not to need any influence in my life, except my own self indulgent, selfish ego.

I had it all,I was in the Army, had been commissioned and promoted. It was a good job, successful and at a career pinacle. I had my spouse, who loves and supported me, despite my arrogance and ignorence, I had good family relationships and firm friends, who accepted me for who I was, and were never critical of what I did or didn’t believe. I now know that most, were, including my spouse, Christians, but not of the ‘in your face variety’. Life was good and I had still more to look forward to. Retirement, security, the prospect of a third career working part-time promised. What could possibly go wrong?

Proverbs 16:18 tells us that “Pride goes before a Haughty Spirit and a Haughty Spirit before destruction” (NIV).

The thing that went wrong was that Proverb 16:18 smacked me squarely in the face. Given the task of helping the family of a fatal casualty from Afghanistan, I suddenly found that relying on your own strength only goes so far. Trauma and grief as well as having a tremendous impact on those bereaved, can also extend its reach to those supporting those in that position. I had no instinctive moral or spiritual support available, my pride and arrogance were suddenly of no use. I was the useless Odd Sock, without a partner, alone, isolated, not coping and in danger of being unable to function in the vital role that I had been given for the family. The instinctive and spiritual partner that was the other sock was missing.

Marvel of marvels, those missing ingredients were given to me, not by a counselor or by a sudden realisation that I could cope, but by the direct intervention of Jesus Christ in my life when at a low point, when I was desperate and receptive he spoke directly into my life saying “I’m here - let me in”. I just seemed to know that it was him. Who else can whisper into your life, convince you at a stroke that he is love and he is here ready to carry you, to allow you to lean on him on the way. Instinctively, I said yes and was immediately filled with a sense of peace. There is a witness to all of this, who was alongside me, a Padre and Priest who was helping the family, but also, unkowingly, being in the right place at the right time to help me.

The outcome of this direct experience of Jesus intervening in my life was that I was able to carry on supporting the bereaved family through the whole process, but even more importantly, to know that my life previously had been one of selfish self indulgence and that I became a committed Christian, a disciple and someone who was reunited with the other sock, which had never been far away, just waiting to be reunited. Praise be to God.

God Working in my Life

I have been pondering on how God seems to be working pretty hard in my life at the moment. I first thought about it at my last DDO meeting, when I could actually see a position that had clearly changed from its diametric opposite in the space of one meeting.

As a rule, I try not to imagine that God has inspired something, I try to discern how he might have approached an issue and what he might have done and then act accordingly. But things are just happening at what I could consider break-neck speed, given that upto now, things seemed to be moving at a pace that while I have never been in any rush to tread the path of Ordained Ministry, seemed to be mostly about waiting on God, while the church did its job of discernment and decision making. The church, being the good old CofE was never going to be speedy, perhaps over cautious might be a reasonable description. Slow, might be another.

In the past few weeks, I have detected a certain increase in pace. A new momentum, which initially I put down to the church getting its act together, but now I seem to feel is something actually empowering the momentum. I attribute this to the power of the Spirit, exercising God's will actively in my life.

I've always been quite a visual person, examples being my experience of sensing that cold breath in a church rising above the congregation as they pray as being our prayers rising to heaven. Other things I've experienced over the past year or so reinforce the visual experience as being a valid perception and being intrinsic to how I experience my faith and personal relationship with God.

It appears to me now that many things that I am experiencing are active interventions, perhaps to help me to grow as a christian, but to me, seem to be directing my vocation experience to become wider, deeper and perhaps with a more intense focus.

Last monday was the DDO meeting, which I blogged on just afterwards. As I left the meeting, I felt as if I was walking on air and full of joy. Grace had been poured into the meeting with the DDO, it was perceptible to both of us I think as we actually spoke about its effects.

On Tuesday I attended my Parish mid-week communion followed by a staff meeting. I seemed to be still uplifted and full of joy, and expressed this to those, who actually had seen how I was for themselves. On Wednesday, expecting to have a quiet day, I was prompted to attend Holy Communion at a local church (not my Parish_ and again, felt the exhilaration and joy of being there, worshiping and sharing with others the Joy of just 'being'.

On Thursday, I attended an Intercessions Workshop run in our Parish by our marvelous, inspiring curate, during the hour and a half of the workshop, those attending shared their experiences of researching, preparing, writing and leading intercessions. Again, having started with prayer in the vestry, we just seemed to be 'released' to speak freely and to share, perhaps more than we would have otherwise. The small group, the intimacy of the setting, in a 1000 year old church, surrounded by the prayers of generations might have been conducive to the atmosphere, but the Holy Spirit among us was perceptible to me, which I believe empowered us to be so constructive and to receptive to the learning experience we took part in.

Later that day, I was drawn to go the the Cathedral and just sit. As I was going in, I noted that a 'Pilgrim' service was to be held at 4 pm, and it just came to me, that I needed to be there. I sneaked around the barriers in the Crypt to the Jesus Chapel and finding the visiting priest with his people, asked would he mind if I joined his congregation for their Holy Communion. He readily made me welcome and I was privileged to share the experience of a group of Anglican Pilgrims, sharing the bread and wine in the ancient cathedral crypt, this service was the culmination fo their pilgrimage, they were returning home afterwards. It was a joy filled service, and I was made welcome by all of them and included in everything. This just seemed natural to them, and helped me to remember that its not my church, its not their church, its Jesus' church, his body and we are all integral part of it.

I stayed on for Choral Evensong with the Boys Choir and again, had a worship experience that is second to none that I know of. The combination of voices, the Psalms the readings and the setting really seemed to me to be heaven on earth.

After Evensong and some supper, I went to attend a Meeting at a local church where the Bishop and the Diocesan secretary where to outline the 'Moving Forward Together' agenda and the resources required for the next year. Again, the meeting started with prayer, the Bishop drawing our attention to Paul's letter to Phillipi which he found appropriate to the context of the meeting and inspiring him to speak
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The Vision and the Objectives outlined are centered on discipleship and growth. They are both inspiring, but are, I can see, essential to allow the church to remain central to life in our communities.

One aspect which really resonated was the talk about 'Re-imagining' ministry. This is driven by the need to refocus our effort back onto community engagement, but to depart from the traditional, inherited model of ministry, which is increasingly, while working, becoming unsustainable and frankly, unaffordable. I've got loads more thinking and praying to do in this, but one model proposed is a vision of collaborative ministry, with many fewer stipendiary ministers, leading a cluster of churches, which might have self-supporting priests in charge, but with an enhanced, empowered, expanded lay ministry. Vocations are key to this and to future growth. Discipleship comes central to this as the means of empowering all laity to their baptism gift of each being a 'great high priest' in their membership of the church.

Today, I attended and participated in two services, a BCP Holy Communion and a CW Sung Eucharist where I led intercessions. Both services were uplifting worthwhile, worship experiences and I came away, refreshed and uplifted.

I had been prompted to review and amend the intercessions following the Thursday meeting, but again on Saturday evening I was prompted to edit them further. Evidence again for me of God's actions to draw the best from me. The intercessions drew praise and thanks, which is not a cause of pride, rather a cause for thanksgiving from me to the Triune God who has been and is being, so active and giving so much joy in my life.

When I read this back, and if I did not know myself, I might think how delusional is that? but sensing that God seems to have seen fit to entrust me with something, which might or might not be Ordained Ministry, is so empowering and overwhelming, that I can hardly believe that it has happened to me? But it has, and it is.

I have a sense of wonder that these gifts have been so freely given to such an undeserving case as I know I am. But, it gives me great joy to say, Hallelujah and Praise be to God for them.

DDO Meeting : Monday 13th June 2011

DDO Meeting : Monday 13th June 2011

I met, yet again, with the DDO this morning. Today, seemed to me and to him, to be a consolidation meeting. The DDO, had previously indicated, that the only thing stopping my moving to the next stage, was the processing of the faculty, this is now well underway.

We took stock of everything I have done, including going over the material submitted for my Portfolio and several reflections that I submitted in response to events that have occurred in the past month.

The DDO was keen to hear about the faculty meeting with the Bishop's adviser.. We discussed how I had felt about having to go through the process, particularly its intrusive nature. I was able to now say categorically, that having come through it, that my view had changed . Despite everything, it involved, It had been handled as sensitively as possible, given the nature of things being investigated. A change of heart that seems to show me, once again, how God is still active and working in my life.

I said that I had deliberately not told my spouse of the content of the interview as I had felt that her integrity would show through. This had proven to have been the best course to have taken. He was amused by this and said that while not advisable, it had been appropriate in this case.

I was given the opportunity to look again as some of the work I had submitted, but was content with it. I believe that revising something written up to a year ago would not be a true reflection of the journey and discernment process. Leaving it untouched was the best course.

We then discussed a number of other issues, my ongoing engagement with the wider church through the internet. My work in the parish and personalities we know. I mentioned an Intercessions workshop we were to run in our Parish this week with a repeat in July and he asked could he send some people from his parish on it. I said I would inquire and let him know. I am to write a reflection on my participation in this for next month.

We then moved onto the future. He said, that subject to the faculty, I would have to see the Bishop, but he was provisionally (for the second time) booking me on to a Diocesan Panel in September 2011. Following this, he would be running a Pre-BAP preparation in October and again in December, one of which I would be booked to attend one, dependent upon which BAP I was put forward to. He stressed that all decisions were within the Bishop's gift and that I can expect to meet him again before BAP.

All in All, this was a positive outcome. Once again I felt very relaxed during the meeting, sharing jokes and appreciating that the DDO has done so much for me. Taking my case himself, working with me, at times being highly critical, but always completely constructive and encouraging.

What did I get from this meeting:

I found the meeting encouraging and affirming. My state of mind was one of curiosity about where we could go, which was more than satisfied by the outcome. I came away, literally feeling light headed and grateful to God for his work sending the Holy Spirit to facilitate such a productive meeting.

The utter joy of this meeting seems to me to be one where there were three people in the room. Clive and me, but with God central. The Holy Spirit upon us and pouring grace into it. God be praised!

_________________
Where there is hope and love there is life!

hypocrisy or Prejudice or Homophobia?

Today has seen the publication of a memo written by the late Very Rev Colin Slee, Dean of Southwark, in respect of the meeting of the Crown Commissioners in 2010 to select a new Bishop of Southwark.

Benny's blog at http://bit.ly/l48IJB has given a reasoned reflection on what happened, in particular the alleged temper outbursts by Arch Bishop Rowan Williams and Arch Bishop John Sentu, which are described as reducing some of those there to tears.

I don't comment on the alleged outbursts of temper or even the procedure for the selection of Bishops, which seems to me to be an oddly outdated and non-sensical way of conducting selection. My main concern is the apparent cause of the outbursts which is the ongoing, running sore of the treatment of LBGT people by the Church.

The Church's position is made clear in their 'Issues in Human Sexuality' at http://t.co/72pn3gs where the thinking is that while they respect all individuals, gay or not, those who are gay, partnered and sexually active, are not eligible to assume a leadership position of any sort within the Church. The critical thing for me in this is that laypeople are not asked the question, while clergy are. Again, it doesn't seem to make sense to me to apply such a double standard to any position in the church, whether as a member, leader or in a representative position.

If you are Gay, you can get around the rules by prevaricating, hiding your sexuality or plain lying. This appears to be accepted very much on the position held by the US Military of 'Don't Ask - Don't Tell', but if you are caught out, you're in big trouble, and the church will deny any prior knowledge.

If you are gay and have integrity, you will be open and clear about your status and exclude yourself from serving in any capacity of responsibility within the church.

This hypocrisy has been sustained over generations, and the church appears to be willing to fight tooth and nail to defend the unjustifiable, without seeking to discern whether there might just be another way to move as the Spirit takes it.

The USEC has been very clear in its discernment of the position of Gays within the Church. It has selected and placed them in leadership positions. It has moved faster then is comfortable for some, and is set to be punished by the strictures of the Anglican Covenant for daring to break the stifling mould of hypocrisy which surrounds the whole area of sexuality across the Anglican Communion.

In my view, the integrity of the church in dealing with sexual orientation is in question. The reasons for continuing to discriminate appear to be spurious, unsustainable and plain illogical in their application and impact. The exclusion of Jeffrey John from Episcopal Ministry due to this is a scandal, a much larger scandal then would arise if he were selected and appointed.

The church wishes to appear united in issues of sexuality, but the events disclosed by Colin Slee, show how disunited and dysfunctional it is seen to be. Struggling to justify the unjustifiable.

Time for Change ans Ben says in his blog, and not before time.

12th DDO interview

Had my latest DDO interview today. Again, a positive one with much food for thought, reflection and prayer at the end of it.

Things are now starting to move forward a little. The DDO has concluded that I am now ready for the next step - so will will be taking that forward in the next week or so.

I thought that I would be anxious about this, but it just seems that the relaxed, settled feelings that I have been blessed with, have continued. A gift for one, who is by nature a worrier and frets at things, when they do not move on quickly enough.

The next step will be a Diocesan Panel, but with some more paperwork to go through before that stage. After that? I'm not pre-empting anything. God wants me to wait on him, and I am content with that.

The Church system seems to many to be slow, convoluted, demanding, challenging and outdated. I tended to agree with that when I first entered the process. Now my view has changed. Being on this journey has allowed me the time and space for a reflective, prayerful, spiritual journey of growth and development as a Christian, which will leave me better placed in discipleship, whatever the outcome of the process.

Such a gift is not to be sneered at. It deserves to be accepted as a gift, freely given by God, to test us, to strengthen and to support us. If we do, the outcome will always be a better person, ready for whatever God might intend for us in the future.

Thanks be to God for all of his Gifts in my life.

Visiting

I spent the majority of my adult life from age 17 to age 60 serving in Uniform as a member of the Army. I am often asked about service life and am always happy to explain it, as I experienced it.

I was asked to visit someone to speak to their Grandson about service life, with a view to his understanding more about Army life in general, and the Territorial Army in particular. My later service was with the TA, where I had responsibility for recruiting. I met the young man at the house, and spent a pleasant hour providing information on the TA to him. I gave him an idea of his particular options to maximise the use of his existing skills within the framework. We also spoke about the options for him to move to the Regular Army in due course, if that was his longer term aspiration.

Afterwards, I was asked by his Grandmother to stay for a chat. The chat turned into perhaps what might be considered a pastoral visit. It involved me listening a great deal to what was being said, responding when questions were asked, with those answers I felt able to give, and promising to follow up those that I could not answer. We were then joined by her son, who talked to me at some length, finishing with the statement that he was considering being confirmed. He is 49, and thought that it was about time he made some commitment. I was able to assure him that it was a positive thing to do and to point him towards our next series of Confirmation classes starting later this year.

All in all, this was a meaningful session. What had started out with my visit to help the grandson, turned out to be to provide a listening ear for some of their concerns. I leanred that sometimes, what appears on the surface, might well actually be a sign of a deeper need, for a listening ear. It was good that during our conversations, they were able to provide their own solutions to the things discussed, just airing them with someone from outside the family seemed to be the solution.

On reflection, I can also see that I drew something from this. The fact that they felt that they knew me well enough to trust me and to be open and to share some of their history and worries, seems to me to be affirming and to provide some acceptance of my role in lay ministry within the parish.

God is the God of providence, placing people in places and positions where they might be able to support others in need - in this case the need appears to be two-way, for the family I spoke to and to help my own journey towards discernment.

And an additional outcome - an invitation to be a guest speaker on Army Life and my journey to a small group in May. The Army saying is 'never volunteer for anything', it seems to me that God volunteers you without any help from anyone else.

Lent Course

I am taking part in a Lent Course again this year. It is part of the excitement that I always feel at the start of Lent, something I cannot explain, but it just seems to re-envigorate me in so many ways.

The course is on discipleship, which is a theme throughout my diocese this year, and the resources provided are excellent, and well presented and used by the Vicar and Curate who are running the course.

I have already shared with and learned so much from the other participants, but considering we are a five parish benefice with over 360 on Registers, I am wondering why more are not taking part.

Reflecting on those I see and meet regularly while visiting the various churches in the benefice, I seem to be missing some, I anticipated would be there, but have been pleasantly surprised to meet others that I did not know, or had not met, who are here. Establishing relationships of friendship as people relaxed a little and let down their guards is a fulfilling experience, and somehow the new relationships being built by our shared experience just seem to be ones that I will come to value more and more in the future.

The eye opener always for me is when people share part of their journey, which are inspirational, particularly as they describe how they have come to where they are now. Reasons for attending varied, but a common theme seemed to be, that they felt pulled or called to attend. God working within them and through others to bring a disparate group together in friendship,community, worship, study and prayer. Now for me, that is what being a Christian is about.

I am looking forward to the next three weeks, and the build up towards Holy Week, this time I will for the first time be attending the Chrism Mass in Canterbury Cathedral - and I look forward to that enormously.

Another bonus of the Lent Course has meant that I am in Canterbury early enough to attend Evensong in the Cathedral - letting the words and song flow in and through me. Wonderful worship.

Another DDO meeting

I haven't posted here for some time, so perhaps a brief update is deserved. I have continued on the journey, working as directed by the DDO and both he and I can sense progress in terms of growth as a Christian and an expansion of my engagement with wider issues which effect the church today.

I had my 11th meeting with the DDO on Monday. The meeting was positive and went very well indeed. We seem to be at the stage of engaging much more on deeper beliefs and understanding, particularly on areas which impact on the nine criteria for Ordained ministry.

I have produced the written work requested as well as some additional reflections on things, which might have been to much, but which drew the wry comment that future meetings would need one hour for the face to face and another two hours to read the output. Very tongue in cheek.

I found myself sharing stuff, which I had thought about and reflected on. I also asked some questions about areas which I wanted more information on, particularly other roles for NSM within the diocese - not just assistant priest in a parish. I got the answer that I expected - that given my age, those roles were very restricted, but we could explore them post-curacy (if I get that far).

An observation from the DDO which pleased me was that he could see some real development and expansion from my engaging with topics about the wider church, its problems and issues and had taken the time to reflect on them. He said that some of this could be attributed to my engagement with the internet and other Christian Blogger's. It will prove useful when answering questions, if I go forward for the Diocesan Panel and National Selection.

I have been given a copy of the Bishops report on Human Sexuality, which I need to read and provide a written reflection on for next month. I have also received a copy of the full report prepared for the Anglican Communion, which might prove to be of help in this reflection.

So another step in the process, which I am now, really enjoying - this thing that comes to mind is that whatever the outcome, this has been a worthwhile journey of growth, of maturing as a Christian and an inspiration to share so much with an excellent priest, who is mentoring me in preparation to face the Diocesan Panel.

I say it a lot, But God is Really, Really, Great! :votive1:

The Penalties of a Mobile Lifestyle

Being mobile seems to be a fact of life for many people today, especially for those in the Armed Forces. I have been reflecting on this recently.

I spent so much of my adult life in this sort of position. Moving jobs and home every two to three years, family having to cope with new places, countries and people, schools and communities. Service life is pretty disruptive, especially if the family follow the flag and move, rather than settling down in one place.

Mixed into this is the disruption of the individual service person on training, exercises or operations. You move your family to Germany and then disappear for a great part of the time on these commitments. Often spouses and children suffer a form of grief due to the constant re-locations, loss of friends, absence of partner or parent, and just lately the pain of reductions in pay and allowances, removing choice of where children may be educated.

Relationships become strained, small things are magnified out of all proportion. Separation and isolation affects both partners and children; husbands, fathers, mothers become virtual strangers to their families. Coming home after a difficult tour is traumatic, and mutual understanding is often impossible. Welfare support is available, but the fault lines often run to deep for any hope of saving a relationship.

So leaving for new places and new jobs while an exciting prospect or even an adventure, can also be a cause of breakdown in families. Resistance to such change fractures marriages and relationships and ends in separation and divorce. Been there, got the T-Shirt.

Latterly, in the last twenty three years, having settled, only changing jobs three times and never relocating my home base, I held a successful relationship, found God and have been blessed with my family and establishing long term friendships. Something I lacked in my very mobile lifestyle.

I feel for those thousands of families still in this position in the services, particularly with the prospect of the loss of thousands of jobs and homes due to defence cuts planned over the next three years. How do we thank our veterans and the families that support them; we cast them out on the street, certainly with some compensation, but without a lot of real support. It is estimated that up to 68% of the current homeless are ex-servicemen or women. I Remember the words of Rudyard Kipling's famous poem 'Tommy'. Nothing has changed really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGClrsAN2aY"

The Bishop held a meeting at his home last evening for candidates currently in the process of discerning a vocation. Also present were diocesan DDO and staff and staff from the diocesan ministry training scheme.

Around 30 candidates attended, which helps you appreciate that it is not just you! Lots of others, from all ages and backgrounds, are in the process of testing their vocation at different stages of the journey. The common denominator perhaps being that everyone's journey has been different and unique.

I met and spoke to many different people, and at the end, I struggled to remember my own name, let alone those who I had spoken to and socialized with. I also share many inspirational stores of how people came to where they are now.

Some that I spoke to, commented on the the length of time it seemed to take for them to both understand that they were being called and then plucking up the courage to actually speak to their Vicar about it. I also noted that some were a little impatient with the church seeming to take a long time in the discernment process. I could recognised this, remembering my own impatience at the start of this journey, but having received the gift of relaxing and waiting on God am content. This is a state which seems to hit different people at different stages of their journey.

Most motivational of all, were those present, who later in life had had the call and had gone on to be selected, trained and ordained and were now involved in training or supporting candidates in training, They resonated with me, especially those whose background was not necessarily academic or with a degree or background at that level.

One candidate is a lorry driver, which seems to me to demonstrate that God is indiscriminate in who or when he calls people. God calls who he will and needs for a particular tasks or times So there is hope yet for me.

What did I get from this meeting:

Along with the benefit of meeting so many other, like minded people, I shared wth people from diverse backgrounds, most of whom I would not normally meet. From lorry driver to the Bishop himself. The bishop’s ability to speak to any single person for a prolonged period, was limited by the numbers involved. It seems to me that this sort of meeting is most useful to all of us - it helps you to appreciate that you are not struggling on your own - others share the journey, so prayer for each other and the Bishop and Diocesan staff who are sharing the journey is really important. I came away from the meeting refreshed and affirmed that I am in the right place at the moment, the discernment process is not just about testing a vocation, it is also about growing and learning about yourself and absorbing Jesus much more deeply and centrally into your whole being.

Episode 2 - Victim of Crime

Following my earlier post http://ukviewer.blogspot.com/2011/01/victim-of-crime.html on this topic, new developments have come about.

I waited patiently for the copy of the forged cheque to be sent to me within the stipulated 7-10 working days. Having had nothing by this morning, I actually rang to inquire where it was. Eventually being put through to the fraud department.

They said that they could not send the cheque as the image was too poor to be copied? Nobody had thought to ring or to let me know.

I reiterated my disappointment with their service for a number of reasons:

1. Broken promises.
2. Lack of communication.
3. Lack of a sense of urgency.
4. Concern about the account, now over £400 overdrawn with charges.
5. I had not had my statement either.

They came back with:

1. We apologise, but we have not in fact commenced a fraud investigation following your earlier call.
2. Your account is now frozen. You cannot issue cheques or draw cash unless you visit a branch with ID.
3. Once we put the phone down, we will not be able to talk to you about this account, unless you attend a branch in person with ID.
4. We believe that someone ordered a cheque book using your bank details, which are considered compromised, we will have to open a new acccount. We can't tell you how long this will take, it depends on the investigation's outcome.
5. We will write to you when the investigation is concluded, perhaps within a couple of days, more likely in a week or so.
6. If fraud is considered proven, we will refund the money taken and any charges that have been applied to the account.
7. Reporting it to the police was not something they did. They have police liaison who they only use if they think that there is a reasonable chance of a successful prosecution???
8. I could, if I chose to, report it to the police, although they were unable to share information with the police for data protection reasons? Even with my permission.
9. I can't speak to those conducting the investigation (nor could the agent I was dealing with) but they could call me at their discretion if they thought that I could help them?

By this time, my normally calm exterior was becoming a bit frayed, asking to talk to a manger elicited the response that there was no point as they would not know the circumstances and could not answer my questions.

In the end, I had to take a deep breath, grit my teeth and accept the situation, not that I am satisfied with them. The main frustration is being left in limbo with no communications from them - I am having to be proactive to remind them 'hey - there's a problem here - I've been ripped off - what are you doing about it.

So, the banks can please themselves. Their security systems are compromised, my bank account is frozen and I have to wait on their convenience to find out what is going on. I have now taken this to the police and financial ombudsman, to see if they can help the bank get a move on.

Confirmation Service at Parish Church 12th January 2011

Our benefice held a confirmation service at Bridge on Wed 12th Jan 2010. The celebrant was the Bishop of Dover. There were 25 candidates for confirmation (one with Baptism), eleven of whom were adults. The Vicar and curate, , along with a small band formed from young people in the five villages of the benefice, supported the Bishop.

The service was beautiful the Bishop was on the best of form giving a rousing sermon and encouraging both those being confirmed, those supporting them and the whole congregation to as a community to be disciples for Christ. His memorable opening comment at the start of the service was “This is God’s work”, highlighting the importance and significance of the occasion, not just for those being confirmed but for the congregation and wider community.

I found the Bishop’s participatory attitude very refreshing – we were urged to stand for those we were supporting and during the baptism of the candidate at the rear of the church, to leave our pews and to congregate around the font (difficult with such large numbers). The peace was memorable as the bishop seemed to shake the hand of everyone present (his arm must have been sore next morning).

I had not been assigned a formal role prior to the service, but found myself acting as part of the welcome team, handing out orders of service and directing candidates and their families and supporters to the correct place. During the service, I had the privilege of assisting in the distribution of wine on a side Altar with the Vicar.

The service used the 'Baptism of Christ' readings and the hymns ‘Be Thou my Vision’, ‘Be Still for the Presence of God’, ‘What a Faithful God Have I’ and ‘I the Lord of Sea and Sky’ just seemed so apt and appropriate, with music from a small band of players from the church and the organ supplementing, it made the service and singing resound and resonate with me.

I was also wonderful to see the church full, standing room only, with so many family and friends there supporting the candidates. After the service, a reception was held for greetings and meetings with old and new relationships enjoyed with a glass of wine (or orange) and nibbles.

What did I get from this service?

I came away from the service (eventually) feeling invigorated, uplifted and renewed. I had sensed during the service a powerful feeling of the Holy Spirit alongside us and perhaps the excitement of those being confirmed, but a much stronger feel of cohesion and community worship, prayers rising to heaven vibrant, heartfelt and strong. I felt warmed and comfortable and of being where I belonged – worshiping along with the community that has adopted, befriended and encouraged me so much in the past two and a half years. I am privileged to be a part of it and God has been good to me in bringing me here.

Victim of Crime

I discovered today that someone, using a cheque book, sent to me by my bank, but never received, has ripped my bank account off by over £900.   If I had not checked my balance online, I would not have known until my next statement. The bank  is being helpful, but will not refund the amount taken until they can verify it is fraud, in addition, they say I cannot report a crime until they have verified it. Frustrating, in the meantime my account appears overdrawn through no fault of mine. I have an undertaking that once the investigation is complete that they will refund all charges and in the meantime will honour my direct debits etc. Not helpful that I cannot draw cash until this is resolved.  It takes 7 to 10 working days for them to send me a copy of the cheque as they are not allowed to email it.  Modern bank, stone-age technology.

Some things strike me about this:

1. I felt really shocked that someone could knowingly take money that wasn't theirs.

2. I felt very angry and violated - someone has been allowed to take a large amount out of an account, using one cheque, without a cheque guarantee card and without any apparent identity checks etc. Often I have had calls from the bank for smaller amounts challenging the debit - why not on this occasion?

3. I felt very judgmental against whoever did this! And then guilt about being so angry.

An hour or so later, having had some time now to reflect, I realized that my reactions are normal human reactions - which I should not feel guilty about, but ones which I need to bring under control a little more. Forgiveness springs to mind as the next step. Whatever happens after it is reported to the police, the transgressor deserves my forgiveness, while not condoning what they have done. It is out with my control, so trust in God that it will be resolved promptly and without any further anger on my part.

I pray that I am able to maintain this sense of forgiveness and balance as the situation develops.