Stroke

I had a shock on 6th July when my spouse suffered a stroke. Fortunately I was there when it happened and recognising the signs, I dialed 999 even before I went to her aid (she had fallen). The Ambulance arrived within 10 minutes and she was in a Stroke unit within 30.  She was within the time frame for administration of the clott busting drug, which limited the damage done, but it was still substantial.

As a left brain stroke, her right side was affected, which also involves some parts that control speech and swallowing. She is right handed so the right arm and side are weaker as a result.

After three days in the acute care unit, she was transferred to a local stroke unit for our area, where she underwent three weeks of rehabilitation.

For me, the effect was one of great anxiety, as due to the Covid19 restrictions I had to watch the Ambulance leave without me and I was unable to go to the hospital to visit or to be with her.  Fortunately, the Dr who was treating her in the ACU rang me to confirm the diagnosis and to tell me what the initial assessment was.  Due to the quick actions I took, she had been given a change of making a good recovery, longer term.

I recall as she was being taken into the ambulance, she insisted (through slurred speech) I want my phone and I grabbed it and the charger and gave it to her.

This enabled her within two days to at least ring me to ask for things, It was difficult to understand her, but I got the gist, she needed clothes, some personal stuff and the likes of washing and shower stuff. I was permitted to pack a bag and deliver it to the ACU for her, with additional things over the next two days.  After her transfer to the rehab stroke unit I was able to visit the ward, but not to enter, but to hand over the essentials she needed and collect items for laundry.

In the meantime, I had activated the video call using Google Duo, which we had activated on both her and my smartphones just a few days before her stroke.  This allowed us to call each other daily. We had found that pure audio calls had caused difficulty for her.  She had been diagnosed some years ago with hearing loss of 50 per cent in both ears, and the stroke had caused a temporary worsening of this condition, she just could not hear very well.  Video though was a revelation. She had been compensating for the hearing loss by being able to lip sync, now she could see my mouth, she was able to know what I was saying, while I could understand her better as her speech therapy kicked in and day by day, she got better. 

Thanks to her personal determination her rehabilitation in hospital went well and after 24 days, she was assessed as able to return home, with continuing care from community specialists and she came home on the 30th of July.  Too say that I was overjoyed is an understatement.  We have been married for 32 years, and while we had been apart before for periods of working away, never had we been apart for so long. Yes, she had been in hospital before for operations on a dodgy sinus and two bouts of pneumonia, but I had been able to visit and see her. I had heard of others suffering by the artificial separation caused by the virus, many of whom had been denied access to family members or friends due to virus restrictions, having to grieve and even some had been unable to attend the funeral of a much loved family member.   I shared in a small way, their experience, although, I knew from the outset that we would eventually be reunited.  

Now she is home, she had her first contact within 24 hours with the community care team of therapists and her first assessment visit within 48 hours yesterday.  We can now expect intensive, every other day visits for the next two weeks, with then a less intensive regime for the following four weeks.

Our shared experience has been traumatic, but also hope filled. So many people have been praying for us both, so many have stepped up to support us to make unqualified offers of help, that it is a positive sign for me that people are instinctively reaching out to support others, a characteristic of their humanity, whether or not they share our Christian Faith.  Some Clergy friends, my Spiritual Director and many others outside our family and friends circle has helped and supported us. Even some that we don't know, but have heard of J's condition have contacted us with prayers and offers of help.  I have been stopped on the street by people that I don't know, but who know J offering their support for her and for me.  Surely, the portrayal in the media of some being heartless is certainly misguided and does a disservice to people.  In their view the only news is the bad, and often the unsung silent, quiet work of many is ignored.

The care that J had from the NHS has been first class following the stroke, which we are thankful for, and the ongoing care will be appreciated.  But, we are only to aware that the warning signs of the potential for a stroke, evident from an A&E admission 3 days before the stroke and a follow up visit for scans and tests the day before the stroke were not acted on by those she saw.  This is something to be addressed in the future, for now we need to concentrate on J's rehabilitation and restoration to whatever new normal health wise will be for her.

One of the personal effects for me were that when seeking to pray for her, the contemporary prayers and resources didn't really appeal. I resorted to the words of the Book of Common prayer, including the traditional language Psalms for my lamentation, because that is what and how I felt, and perhaps what I needed to pray for healing and wholeness for J.

Now, I am returning to the more modern forms of language, particularly a catholic prayer book, which seem to suit how I now feel.  Gratitude to God for his healing and mercy for J, and also the process of healing my spirit as I go forward.  Thanks be to God.

In Sickness and in Health

I'm was spurred on this morning to write a post about the Wedding Vows we took, particularly 'In Sickness and in Health' those promises which can sound so pat on the day, but bear so much meaning when a Christian marriage is blessed with spouses who whole heartedly take on the promises unstintingly, and give whole heartedly of themselves to each other. I've been sick since Sunday evening, with a particularly nasty and virulent virus, which left me totally helpless to look after myself. It involved continuous nausea and diarrheoa over a 48 hour period, where stuff erupted from every orifice, even through my nose, giving me real worry about being able to breathe at times. More worrying was a stabbing pain across my chest, which gave rise to worries about heart trouble. But checking that out, the heart was working normally, it was just a severe increase in stomach acid coming into the windpipe and throat causing severe heartburn. I've never been the best of patients, I hate being unwell, as in my selfishness, I want to get on with things and just be and do whatever I feel necessary. On this occasion, I was to weak and giddy, just standing was an effort, accompanied by real giddiness which make me reel and have to hold onto things to take a few steps. Climbing the stairs to bed was out of the question, so I spent three nights on the coach, able to make a speedy exit to the facilities when necessary. Accompanying me on this journey, has been Jen, my beloved spouse. I've nursed her when she has been ill and after several major operations in recent years, but in reality, I've been fortunate in having fairly robust health for most of our marriage, so she found nursing an invalid, especially a cranky one, something out of the usual. I can only say, how wonderful she has been. She has been loving, patient, supportive, encouraging, nurturing and everything that the marriage promises seem to describe. In sickness and in Health, say that whatever happens, whatever state you get into, your spouse will be there, suffering with you, but doing their best to make things better. I know that it takes a special type of grace to look after the sick and disabled, and even more when it is someone you love dearly, and the thing that comes across from this experience over the three days, has been the strength or her love for me has been demonstrated to me in spades. Jen has cleaned up after me, has washed me, cuddled me and rushed around between work, the doctors and chemist to get the necessary medication. She has made up a bed for me on the coach and has even encouraged the cats to come and say hi, as I felt totally unable to make it to them. Jen has been my tower of strength, and today is our 24 th anniversary. I've not been able to buy her a card, get her flowers or chocolate and our planned celebratory dinner out tonight has had to be postponed. Her resilience in the face of the selfish, self-pitying person I became at the worst of the illness, is saint-like. And a Saint she is. From my perspective, it reinforces the commitment that we make to each other in marriage. These days, its all to easy to turn your face away from a difficulty, to be critical of someone suffering, to ignore it and to tell them to pull themselves together. In marriage, the shared life together puts aside all such selfishness. It means sharing all and everything, no secrets. A whole hearted commitment to a partnership made by God, who I am sure brought us together all of those years ago. One that's for life, wherever it takes you. I thank God for his blessings on our marriage and for Jen, whose love is so strong, and for my love for her. God be praised.