The Past

I have just received records of my time in Care when a young child.  I have felt the need to close a gap in memory and knowledge for what, why and how it happened.   The need is two fold, in connection with possible discernment for ministry, but also to understand where I came from and where I am now.  Joining up the dots of a life line where there is bit of a gap.

I had anticipated just browsing the file, and making notes, without to much fuss.  However, it is not so easy - drawing back the curtain and letting light into dark places (I was between 10 months to 10 years old during the this period.)

I read some things, which I have no memory of concerning my parents, their life after their marriage and subsequent marriage breakdown.   Things, which I had an inkling of, from things my father said - but there is nothing like seeing it in black and white, starkly laying out events, dates, times, places, meticiously recorded.

I am still assimilating this data - I know that I will need to revisit it to fully understand it - but worry whether I will be able to cope with the upset it might cause me and perhaps to others.  Although I am inclined to put it away and forget it - but it will not let me.

God is working here - this is a time for healing and working through issues, unspoken or even unthought of for many years - I think that Spiritual Direction will have a bearing on how this goes, and I will be off to it quite soon.