Stroke

I had a shock on 6th July when my spouse suffered a stroke. Fortunately I was there when it happened and recognising the signs, I dialed 999 even before I went to her aid (she had fallen). The Ambulance arrived within 10 minutes and she was in a Stroke unit within 30.  She was within the time frame for administration of the clott busting drug, which limited the damage done, but it was still substantial.

As a left brain stroke, her right side was affected, which also involves some parts that control speech and swallowing. She is right handed so the right arm and side are weaker as a result.

After three days in the acute care unit, she was transferred to a local stroke unit for our area, where she underwent three weeks of rehabilitation.

For me, the effect was one of great anxiety, as due to the Covid19 restrictions I had to watch the Ambulance leave without me and I was unable to go to the hospital to visit or to be with her.  Fortunately, the Dr who was treating her in the ACU rang me to confirm the diagnosis and to tell me what the initial assessment was.  Due to the quick actions I took, she had been given a change of making a good recovery, longer term.

I recall as she was being taken into the ambulance, she insisted (through slurred speech) I want my phone and I grabbed it and the charger and gave it to her.

This enabled her within two days to at least ring me to ask for things, It was difficult to understand her, but I got the gist, she needed clothes, some personal stuff and the likes of washing and shower stuff. I was permitted to pack a bag and deliver it to the ACU for her, with additional things over the next two days.  After her transfer to the rehab stroke unit I was able to visit the ward, but not to enter, but to hand over the essentials she needed and collect items for laundry.

In the meantime, I had activated the video call using Google Duo, which we had activated on both her and my smartphones just a few days before her stroke.  This allowed us to call each other daily. We had found that pure audio calls had caused difficulty for her.  She had been diagnosed some years ago with hearing loss of 50 per cent in both ears, and the stroke had caused a temporary worsening of this condition, she just could not hear very well.  Video though was a revelation. She had been compensating for the hearing loss by being able to lip sync, now she could see my mouth, she was able to know what I was saying, while I could understand her better as her speech therapy kicked in and day by day, she got better. 

Thanks to her personal determination her rehabilitation in hospital went well and after 24 days, she was assessed as able to return home, with continuing care from community specialists and she came home on the 30th of July.  Too say that I was overjoyed is an understatement.  We have been married for 32 years, and while we had been apart before for periods of working away, never had we been apart for so long. Yes, she had been in hospital before for operations on a dodgy sinus and two bouts of pneumonia, but I had been able to visit and see her. I had heard of others suffering by the artificial separation caused by the virus, many of whom had been denied access to family members or friends due to virus restrictions, having to grieve and even some had been unable to attend the funeral of a much loved family member.   I shared in a small way, their experience, although, I knew from the outset that we would eventually be reunited.  

Now she is home, she had her first contact within 24 hours with the community care team of therapists and her first assessment visit within 48 hours yesterday.  We can now expect intensive, every other day visits for the next two weeks, with then a less intensive regime for the following four weeks.

Our shared experience has been traumatic, but also hope filled. So many people have been praying for us both, so many have stepped up to support us to make unqualified offers of help, that it is a positive sign for me that people are instinctively reaching out to support others, a characteristic of their humanity, whether or not they share our Christian Faith.  Some Clergy friends, my Spiritual Director and many others outside our family and friends circle has helped and supported us. Even some that we don't know, but have heard of J's condition have contacted us with prayers and offers of help.  I have been stopped on the street by people that I don't know, but who know J offering their support for her and for me.  Surely, the portrayal in the media of some being heartless is certainly misguided and does a disservice to people.  In their view the only news is the bad, and often the unsung silent, quiet work of many is ignored.

The care that J had from the NHS has been first class following the stroke, which we are thankful for, and the ongoing care will be appreciated.  But, we are only to aware that the warning signs of the potential for a stroke, evident from an A&E admission 3 days before the stroke and a follow up visit for scans and tests the day before the stroke were not acted on by those she saw.  This is something to be addressed in the future, for now we need to concentrate on J's rehabilitation and restoration to whatever new normal health wise will be for her.

One of the personal effects for me were that when seeking to pray for her, the contemporary prayers and resources didn't really appeal. I resorted to the words of the Book of Common prayer, including the traditional language Psalms for my lamentation, because that is what and how I felt, and perhaps what I needed to pray for healing and wholeness for J.

Now, I am returning to the more modern forms of language, particularly a catholic prayer book, which seem to suit how I now feel.  Gratitude to God for his healing and mercy for J, and also the process of healing my spirit as I go forward.  Thanks be to God.

When your Signifcant Other is unwell

Jen my spouse is in hospital once again. The last episode was 6 years ago, when she caught pneominia which became a severe chest infection and affected her breathing.  She recovered, but her system was weakened.

Now, she is struggling to get sufficient oxygene into her blood, which culminated in her heart not getting enough to move things around her body in a natural way.  So fluid has built up in her lungs and her body, making her very unwell.

She is in good hands, who immediately took things in hand, but she it trapped in a hospital bed on oxygene and they will not let her out until they have found some way of treating what is going to be a life long, and perhaps life limiting disability.

I feel hopeless.  I know that I can pray, I can ask God to heal his servant, but is that realistic? God's intervention would be a miracle, but a restoration to some sort of health will be down in part to the treatments available through the science of medicine held by her doctors, and also for some life style changes, perhaps even retiring from work.

She loves her job, she has been there for 47 years and doesn't want to give up, and being civil service, they have relaxed the age limits, meaning that she can choose when and how she retires.  She is above state pension age, so could retire immediately with her civil service pension and state pension and not be any worse off.  But something that she is reluctant to do.

I am wondering if my absence on church stuff has anything to do with that decision?

Yes, I feel called to do what I do as a Reader and outworker in the Church, but now fast approaching seventy, I am wondering where my priorities should lay.  At home, caring for Jen, which would be isolating for me, and possibly suffocating for Jen.  At the moment, our balance is really good as she is able to choose what she wants to do, and does. Would our being together all day, every day be something that would affect how our comfortable, supportive relationship works.  I think it would.

All of our lives together for the last 30 years or so has been of being apart, working apart, sometimes seperated for weeks at a time, but coming home being a wonderful blessing as we shared our stories and experiences while apart.   There was also 20 years of our shared military experience, me full time, her part-time, which brought us together for mid-week training, training weekends and Annual Training. Periods where we had different, but complementary roles and status. My role as an Officer, her role as a SNCO.   We have not only our shared relationship of love and mutual support, but shared work and life interests as well.

We broke that circle when I retired in 2009 after 43 years, and I found a vocation, tested it and eventually settled as a Reader.  In the meantime Jen also retired from her part-time commitment, and we had more time together, albeit we swapped roles as I became the home maker and she became the bread winner.   This worked well and continues to do so.

But her new illness changes all of that.  It overturns the balance, as Jen needs me home more while she recovers, whill I want to too and will do so, I will miss doing what I do a lot.

I am praying for Jen's recovery, and some Holy Spirit inspiration on the way forward for us as a family?  God willing, it will be forthcoming.

13 May 19

Jen is now home, with lots of meds. The illness has affected her lungs and heart and she awaits a follow up cardiac appointment.  But in herself, while weak and tired is in good spirits and just glad to be home with comforts familiar to her.

The illness amounts to a dsability, which can be controlled by appropriate medication and some small changes to lfie style.  She has already made adjustments and will be followed up by our excellent, new GP later this month.

I thank God for her recovery and I know that people who have been praying for her has been part of it.  Thanks be to God.


19 May 2019

Another update. Jen is recovering well, but blood tests last Wednesday, high lighted that there is still a remaining infection which has not yet gone away.  She had antibiotics for it while an inpatient and a biopsy which took out what was described as a pneumonia in her right lung.  And the lungs showed clear on two scans and xray.

She is to have more blood tests and we are attempting to get a GP apppointment for next week, which is proving difficult, given pressure on our GP's surgery.  But hopefully, as the GP is aware of the situation, we will be able to get an appointment sooner, rather than later.

She is easily tired and the meds are having some small side effects, so we will look to see if there are alternatives available soon.

I am praying for her recovery, as are people in our Church and elsewhere.