Reflection on Vocation

I am testing a Vocation to Ordained Ministry. I have been struggling to understand the call I feel for some months. I have felt drawn to the Permanent Diocanate - which appears to have a context and direction, serving God's people in a number of ways, which Parish Ministry while one option for Ministry may not be what I am called to.

I have listened carefully to how I feel, what is being said to me, both in my Prayers, reflections and quiet times - and when sharing my feelings and thoughts with others. All that I have heard shows that the call can be live - it can change - it can grow - it can shrink - but once felt and heard will not go away.

The process of discernment is underway - I am in preparation with my Vicar as there is so much I need to do, to learn, to grow in knowledge and understanding, it is daunting and a little frightening.

How will I cope, when I struggle now - at the early stages, at the start. I pray for the strength and grace to move forward and I know that others sharing my journey pray for my Vocation as well - but still I doubt myself, I doubt my worthiness. I have confidence that if I stay on track God will provide - but my human weakness is there all of the time - How do I overcome it?

I am now seeking Spiritual Direction which I pray will allow me to resolve some of these issues and to move forward to follow where God is leading me.