ODD SOCKS
During an amusing twitter conversation about the number of Odd Socks that we all seem to have, mainly by pairs being disconnected during the laundry process, it struck me, that Odd Socks and being disconnected seems to be an anology for much in our life today.
And Odd Sock is alone, it’s isolated without its partner. It doesn’t know it’s alone, it doesn’t understand that it’s not a lot of use on its own, it’s redundant, useless without its pair. To me, it symbolizes the individualistic society we live in today. We want it all, but seem to believe that we can do it on our own strength and without any support or having to be part of any community. It leads back to a conversation going on at i-church over do you have to be part of a church to be a Christian.
Before I became a committed Christian, I was that Odd Sock! I was isolated in my Agnostic/Secular Ghetto, relying on my own ego and strength, and seemingly proud of my need not need a God, not to need any influence in my life, except my own self indulgent, selfish ego.
I had it all,I was in the Army, had been commissioned and promoted. It was a good job, successful and at a career pinacle. I had my spouse, who loves and supported me, despite my arrogance and ignorence, I had good family relationships and firm friends, who accepted me for who I was, and were never critical of what I did or didn’t believe. I now know that most, were, including my spouse, Christians, but not of the ‘in your face variety’. Life was good and I had still more to look forward to. Retirement, security, the prospect of a third career working part-time promised. What could possibly go wrong?
Proverbs 16:18 tells us that “Pride goes before a Haughty Spirit and a Haughty Spirit before destruction” (NIV).
The thing that went wrong was that Proverb 16:18 smacked me squarely in the face. Given the task of helping the family of a fatal casualty from Afghanistan, I suddenly found that relying on your own strength only goes so far. Trauma and grief as well as having a tremendous impact on those bereaved, can also extend its reach to those supporting those in that position. I had no instinctive moral or spiritual support available, my pride and arrogance were suddenly of no use. I was the useless Odd Sock, without a partner, alone, isolated, not coping and in danger of being unable to function in the vital role that I had been given for the family. The instinctive and spiritual partner that was the other sock was missing.
Marvel of marvels, those missing ingredients were given to me, not by a counselor or by a sudden realisation that I could cope, but by the direct intervention of Jesus Christ in my life when at a low point, when I was desperate and receptive he spoke directly into my life saying “I’m here - let me in”. I just seemed to know that it was him. Who else can whisper into your life, convince you at a stroke that he is love and he is here ready to carry you, to allow you to lean on him on the way. Instinctively, I said yes and was immediately filled with a sense of peace. There is a witness to all of this, who was alongside me, a Padre and Priest who was helping the family, but also, unkowingly, being in the right place at the right time to help me.
The outcome of this direct experience of Jesus intervening in my life was that I was able to carry on supporting the bereaved family through the whole process, but even more importantly, to know that my life previously had been one of selfish self indulgence and that I became a committed Christian, a disciple and someone who was reunited with the other sock, which had never been far away, just waiting to be reunited. Praise be to God.
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Sunday, 19 June 2011
God Working in my Life
I have been pondering on how God seems to be working pretty hard in my life at the moment. I first thought about it at my last DDO meeting, when I could actually see a position that had clearly changed from its diametric opposite in the space of one meeting.
As a rule, I try not to imagine that God has inspired something, I try to discern how he might have approached an issue and what he might have done and then act accordingly. But things are just happening at what I could consider break-neck speed, given that upto now, things seemed to be moving at a pace that while I have never been in any rush to tread the path of Ordained Ministry, seemed to be mostly about waiting on God, while the church did its job of discernment and decision making. The church, being the good old CofE was never going to be speedy, perhaps over cautious might be a reasonable description. Slow, might be another.
In the past few weeks, I have detected a certain increase in pace. A new momentum, which initially I put down to the church getting its act together, but now I seem to feel is something actually empowering the momentum. I attribute this to the power of the Spirit, exercising God's will actively in my life.
I've always been quite a visual person, examples being my experience of sensing that cold breath in a church rising above the congregation as they pray as being our prayers rising to heaven. Other things I've experienced over the past year or so reinforce the visual experience as being a valid perception and being intrinsic to how I experience my faith and personal relationship with God.
It appears to me now that many things that I am experiencing are active interventions, perhaps to help me to grow as a christian, but to me, seem to be directing my vocation experience to become wider, deeper and perhaps with a more intense focus.
Last monday was the DDO meeting, which I blogged on just afterwards. As I left the meeting, I felt as if I was walking on air and full of joy. Grace had been poured into the meeting with the DDO, it was perceptible to both of us I think as we actually spoke about its effects.
On Tuesday I attended my Parish mid-week communion followed by a staff meeting. I seemed to be still uplifted and full of joy, and expressed this to those, who actually had seen how I was for themselves. On Wednesday, expecting to have a quiet day, I was prompted to attend Holy Communion at a local church (not my Parish_ and again, felt the exhilaration and joy of being there, worshiping and sharing with others the Joy of just 'being'.
On Thursday, I attended an Intercessions Workshop run in our Parish by our marvelous, inspiring curate, during the hour and a half of the workshop, those attending shared their experiences of researching, preparing, writing and leading intercessions. Again, having started with prayer in the vestry, we just seemed to be 'released' to speak freely and to share, perhaps more than we would have otherwise. The small group, the intimacy of the setting, in a 1000 year old church, surrounded by the prayers of generations might have been conducive to the atmosphere, but the Holy Spirit among us was perceptible to me, which I believe empowered us to be so constructive and to receptive to the learning experience we took part in.
Later that day, I was drawn to go the the Cathedral and just sit. As I was going in, I noted that a 'Pilgrim' service was to be held at 4 pm, and it just came to me, that I needed to be there. I sneaked around the barriers in the Crypt to the Jesus Chapel and finding the visiting priest with his people, asked would he mind if I joined his congregation for their Holy Communion. He readily made me welcome and I was privileged to share the experience of a group of Anglican Pilgrims, sharing the bread and wine in the ancient cathedral crypt, this service was the culmination fo their pilgrimage, they were returning home afterwards. It was a joy filled service, and I was made welcome by all of them and included in everything. This just seemed natural to them, and helped me to remember that its not my church, its not their church, its Jesus' church, his body and we are all integral part of it.
I stayed on for Choral Evensong with the Boys Choir and again, had a worship experience that is second to none that I know of. The combination of voices, the Psalms the readings and the setting really seemed to me to be heaven on earth.
After Evensong and some supper, I went to attend a Meeting at a local church where the Bishop and the Diocesan secretary where to outline the 'Moving Forward Together' agenda and the resources required for the next year. Again, the meeting started with prayer, the Bishop drawing our attention to Paul's letter to Phillipi which he found appropriate to the context of the meeting and inspiring him to speak
.
The Vision and the Objectives outlined are centered on discipleship and growth. They are both inspiring, but are, I can see, essential to allow the church to remain central to life in our communities.
One aspect which really resonated was the talk about 'Re-imagining' ministry. This is driven by the need to refocus our effort back onto community engagement, but to depart from the traditional, inherited model of ministry, which is increasingly, while working, becoming unsustainable and frankly, unaffordable. I've got loads more thinking and praying to do in this, but one model proposed is a vision of collaborative ministry, with many fewer stipendiary ministers, leading a cluster of churches, which might have self-supporting priests in charge, but with an enhanced, empowered, expanded lay ministry. Vocations are key to this and to future growth. Discipleship comes central to this as the means of empowering all laity to their baptism gift of each being a 'great high priest' in their membership of the church.
Today, I attended and participated in two services, a BCP Holy Communion and a CW Sung Eucharist where I led intercessions. Both services were uplifting worthwhile, worship experiences and I came away, refreshed and uplifted.
I had been prompted to review and amend the intercessions following the Thursday meeting, but again on Saturday evening I was prompted to edit them further. Evidence again for me of God's actions to draw the best from me. The intercessions drew praise and thanks, which is not a cause of pride, rather a cause for thanksgiving from me to the Triune God who has been and is being, so active and giving so much joy in my life.
When I read this back, and if I did not know myself, I might think how delusional is that? but sensing that God seems to have seen fit to entrust me with something, which might or might not be Ordained Ministry, is so empowering and overwhelming, that I can hardly believe that it has happened to me? But it has, and it is.
I have a sense of wonder that these gifts have been so freely given to such an undeserving case as I know I am. But, it gives me great joy to say, Hallelujah and Praise be to God for them.
As a rule, I try not to imagine that God has inspired something, I try to discern how he might have approached an issue and what he might have done and then act accordingly. But things are just happening at what I could consider break-neck speed, given that upto now, things seemed to be moving at a pace that while I have never been in any rush to tread the path of Ordained Ministry, seemed to be mostly about waiting on God, while the church did its job of discernment and decision making. The church, being the good old CofE was never going to be speedy, perhaps over cautious might be a reasonable description. Slow, might be another.
In the past few weeks, I have detected a certain increase in pace. A new momentum, which initially I put down to the church getting its act together, but now I seem to feel is something actually empowering the momentum. I attribute this to the power of the Spirit, exercising God's will actively in my life.
I've always been quite a visual person, examples being my experience of sensing that cold breath in a church rising above the congregation as they pray as being our prayers rising to heaven. Other things I've experienced over the past year or so reinforce the visual experience as being a valid perception and being intrinsic to how I experience my faith and personal relationship with God.
It appears to me now that many things that I am experiencing are active interventions, perhaps to help me to grow as a christian, but to me, seem to be directing my vocation experience to become wider, deeper and perhaps with a more intense focus.
Last monday was the DDO meeting, which I blogged on just afterwards. As I left the meeting, I felt as if I was walking on air and full of joy. Grace had been poured into the meeting with the DDO, it was perceptible to both of us I think as we actually spoke about its effects.
On Tuesday I attended my Parish mid-week communion followed by a staff meeting. I seemed to be still uplifted and full of joy, and expressed this to those, who actually had seen how I was for themselves. On Wednesday, expecting to have a quiet day, I was prompted to attend Holy Communion at a local church (not my Parish_ and again, felt the exhilaration and joy of being there, worshiping and sharing with others the Joy of just 'being'.
On Thursday, I attended an Intercessions Workshop run in our Parish by our marvelous, inspiring curate, during the hour and a half of the workshop, those attending shared their experiences of researching, preparing, writing and leading intercessions. Again, having started with prayer in the vestry, we just seemed to be 'released' to speak freely and to share, perhaps more than we would have otherwise. The small group, the intimacy of the setting, in a 1000 year old church, surrounded by the prayers of generations might have been conducive to the atmosphere, but the Holy Spirit among us was perceptible to me, which I believe empowered us to be so constructive and to receptive to the learning experience we took part in.
Later that day, I was drawn to go the the Cathedral and just sit. As I was going in, I noted that a 'Pilgrim' service was to be held at 4 pm, and it just came to me, that I needed to be there. I sneaked around the barriers in the Crypt to the Jesus Chapel and finding the visiting priest with his people, asked would he mind if I joined his congregation for their Holy Communion. He readily made me welcome and I was privileged to share the experience of a group of Anglican Pilgrims, sharing the bread and wine in the ancient cathedral crypt, this service was the culmination fo their pilgrimage, they were returning home afterwards. It was a joy filled service, and I was made welcome by all of them and included in everything. This just seemed natural to them, and helped me to remember that its not my church, its not their church, its Jesus' church, his body and we are all integral part of it.
I stayed on for Choral Evensong with the Boys Choir and again, had a worship experience that is second to none that I know of. The combination of voices, the Psalms the readings and the setting really seemed to me to be heaven on earth.
After Evensong and some supper, I went to attend a Meeting at a local church where the Bishop and the Diocesan secretary where to outline the 'Moving Forward Together' agenda and the resources required for the next year. Again, the meeting started with prayer, the Bishop drawing our attention to Paul's letter to Phillipi which he found appropriate to the context of the meeting and inspiring him to speak
.
The Vision and the Objectives outlined are centered on discipleship and growth. They are both inspiring, but are, I can see, essential to allow the church to remain central to life in our communities.
One aspect which really resonated was the talk about 'Re-imagining' ministry. This is driven by the need to refocus our effort back onto community engagement, but to depart from the traditional, inherited model of ministry, which is increasingly, while working, becoming unsustainable and frankly, unaffordable. I've got loads more thinking and praying to do in this, but one model proposed is a vision of collaborative ministry, with many fewer stipendiary ministers, leading a cluster of churches, which might have self-supporting priests in charge, but with an enhanced, empowered, expanded lay ministry. Vocations are key to this and to future growth. Discipleship comes central to this as the means of empowering all laity to their baptism gift of each being a 'great high priest' in their membership of the church.
Today, I attended and participated in two services, a BCP Holy Communion and a CW Sung Eucharist where I led intercessions. Both services were uplifting worthwhile, worship experiences and I came away, refreshed and uplifted.
I had been prompted to review and amend the intercessions following the Thursday meeting, but again on Saturday evening I was prompted to edit them further. Evidence again for me of God's actions to draw the best from me. The intercessions drew praise and thanks, which is not a cause of pride, rather a cause for thanksgiving from me to the Triune God who has been and is being, so active and giving so much joy in my life.
When I read this back, and if I did not know myself, I might think how delusional is that? but sensing that God seems to have seen fit to entrust me with something, which might or might not be Ordained Ministry, is so empowering and overwhelming, that I can hardly believe that it has happened to me? But it has, and it is.
I have a sense of wonder that these gifts have been so freely given to such an undeserving case as I know I am. But, it gives me great joy to say, Hallelujah and Praise be to God for them.
Monday, 13 June 2011
DDO Meeting : Monday 13th June 2011
DDO Meeting : Monday 13th June 2011
I met, yet again, with the DDO this morning. Today, seemed to me and to him, to be a consolidation meeting. The DDO, had previously indicated, that the only thing stopping my moving to the next stage, was the processing of the faculty, this is now well underway.
We took stock of everything I have done, including going over the material submitted for my Portfolio and several reflections that I submitted in response to events that have occurred in the past month.
The DDO was keen to hear about the faculty meeting with the Bishop's adviser.. We discussed how I had felt about having to go through the process, particularly its intrusive nature. I was able to now say categorically, that having come through it, that my view had changed . Despite everything, it involved, It had been handled as sensitively as possible, given the nature of things being investigated. A change of heart that seems to show me, once again, how God is still active and working in my life.
I said that I had deliberately not told my spouse of the content of the interview as I had felt that her integrity would show through. This had proven to have been the best course to have taken. He was amused by this and said that while not advisable, it had been appropriate in this case.
I was given the opportunity to look again as some of the work I had submitted, but was content with it. I believe that revising something written up to a year ago would not be a true reflection of the journey and discernment process. Leaving it untouched was the best course.
We then discussed a number of other issues, my ongoing engagement with the wider church through the internet. My work in the parish and personalities we know. I mentioned an Intercessions workshop we were to run in our Parish this week with a repeat in July and he asked could he send some people from his parish on it. I said I would inquire and let him know. I am to write a reflection on my participation in this for next month.
We then moved onto the future. He said, that subject to the faculty, I would have to see the Bishop, but he was provisionally (for the second time) booking me on to a Diocesan Panel in September 2011. Following this, he would be running a Pre-BAP preparation in October and again in December, one of which I would be booked to attend one, dependent upon which BAP I was put forward to. He stressed that all decisions were within the Bishop's gift and that I can expect to meet him again before BAP.
All in All, this was a positive outcome. Once again I felt very relaxed during the meeting, sharing jokes and appreciating that the DDO has done so much for me. Taking my case himself, working with me, at times being highly critical, but always completely constructive and encouraging.
What did I get from this meeting:
I found the meeting encouraging and affirming. My state of mind was one of curiosity about where we could go, which was more than satisfied by the outcome. I came away, literally feeling light headed and grateful to God for his work sending the Holy Spirit to facilitate such a productive meeting.
The utter joy of this meeting seems to me to be one where there were three people in the room. Clive and me, but with God central. The Holy Spirit upon us and pouring grace into it. God be praised!
_________________
Where there is hope and love there is life!
I met, yet again, with the DDO this morning. Today, seemed to me and to him, to be a consolidation meeting. The DDO, had previously indicated, that the only thing stopping my moving to the next stage, was the processing of the faculty, this is now well underway.
We took stock of everything I have done, including going over the material submitted for my Portfolio and several reflections that I submitted in response to events that have occurred in the past month.
The DDO was keen to hear about the faculty meeting with the Bishop's adviser.. We discussed how I had felt about having to go through the process, particularly its intrusive nature. I was able to now say categorically, that having come through it, that my view had changed . Despite everything, it involved, It had been handled as sensitively as possible, given the nature of things being investigated. A change of heart that seems to show me, once again, how God is still active and working in my life.
I said that I had deliberately not told my spouse of the content of the interview as I had felt that her integrity would show through. This had proven to have been the best course to have taken. He was amused by this and said that while not advisable, it had been appropriate in this case.
I was given the opportunity to look again as some of the work I had submitted, but was content with it. I believe that revising something written up to a year ago would not be a true reflection of the journey and discernment process. Leaving it untouched was the best course.
We then discussed a number of other issues, my ongoing engagement with the wider church through the internet. My work in the parish and personalities we know. I mentioned an Intercessions workshop we were to run in our Parish this week with a repeat in July and he asked could he send some people from his parish on it. I said I would inquire and let him know. I am to write a reflection on my participation in this for next month.
We then moved onto the future. He said, that subject to the faculty, I would have to see the Bishop, but he was provisionally (for the second time) booking me on to a Diocesan Panel in September 2011. Following this, he would be running a Pre-BAP preparation in October and again in December, one of which I would be booked to attend one, dependent upon which BAP I was put forward to. He stressed that all decisions were within the Bishop's gift and that I can expect to meet him again before BAP.
All in All, this was a positive outcome. Once again I felt very relaxed during the meeting, sharing jokes and appreciating that the DDO has done so much for me. Taking my case himself, working with me, at times being highly critical, but always completely constructive and encouraging.
What did I get from this meeting:
I found the meeting encouraging and affirming. My state of mind was one of curiosity about where we could go, which was more than satisfied by the outcome. I came away, literally feeling light headed and grateful to God for his work sending the Holy Spirit to facilitate such a productive meeting.
The utter joy of this meeting seems to me to be one where there were three people in the room. Clive and me, but with God central. The Holy Spirit upon us and pouring grace into it. God be praised!
_________________
Where there is hope and love there is life!
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