Stroke

I had a shock on 6th July when my spouse suffered a stroke. Fortunately I was there when it happened and recognising the signs, I dialed 999 even before I went to her aid (she had fallen). The Ambulance arrived within 10 minutes and she was in a Stroke unit within 30.  She was within the time frame for administration of the clott busting drug, which limited the damage done, but it was still substantial.

As a left brain stroke, her right side was affected, which also involves some parts that control speech and swallowing. She is right handed so the right arm and side are weaker as a result.

After three days in the acute care unit, she was transferred to a local stroke unit for our area, where she underwent three weeks of rehabilitation.

For me, the effect was one of great anxiety, as due to the Covid19 restrictions I had to watch the Ambulance leave without me and I was unable to go to the hospital to visit or to be with her.  Fortunately, the Dr who was treating her in the ACU rang me to confirm the diagnosis and to tell me what the initial assessment was.  Due to the quick actions I took, she had been given a change of making a good recovery, longer term.

I recall as she was being taken into the ambulance, she insisted (through slurred speech) I want my phone and I grabbed it and the charger and gave it to her.

This enabled her within two days to at least ring me to ask for things, It was difficult to understand her, but I got the gist, she needed clothes, some personal stuff and the likes of washing and shower stuff. I was permitted to pack a bag and deliver it to the ACU for her, with additional things over the next two days.  After her transfer to the rehab stroke unit I was able to visit the ward, but not to enter, but to hand over the essentials she needed and collect items for laundry.

In the meantime, I had activated the video call using Google Duo, which we had activated on both her and my smartphones just a few days before her stroke.  This allowed us to call each other daily. We had found that pure audio calls had caused difficulty for her.  She had been diagnosed some years ago with hearing loss of 50 per cent in both ears, and the stroke had caused a temporary worsening of this condition, she just could not hear very well.  Video though was a revelation. She had been compensating for the hearing loss by being able to lip sync, now she could see my mouth, she was able to know what I was saying, while I could understand her better as her speech therapy kicked in and day by day, she got better. 

Thanks to her personal determination her rehabilitation in hospital went well and after 24 days, she was assessed as able to return home, with continuing care from community specialists and she came home on the 30th of July.  Too say that I was overjoyed is an understatement.  We have been married for 32 years, and while we had been apart before for periods of working away, never had we been apart for so long. Yes, she had been in hospital before for operations on a dodgy sinus and two bouts of pneumonia, but I had been able to visit and see her. I had heard of others suffering by the artificial separation caused by the virus, many of whom had been denied access to family members or friends due to virus restrictions, having to grieve and even some had been unable to attend the funeral of a much loved family member.   I shared in a small way, their experience, although, I knew from the outset that we would eventually be reunited.  

Now she is home, she had her first contact within 24 hours with the community care team of therapists and her first assessment visit within 48 hours yesterday.  We can now expect intensive, every other day visits for the next two weeks, with then a less intensive regime for the following four weeks.

Our shared experience has been traumatic, but also hope filled. So many people have been praying for us both, so many have stepped up to support us to make unqualified offers of help, that it is a positive sign for me that people are instinctively reaching out to support others, a characteristic of their humanity, whether or not they share our Christian Faith.  Some Clergy friends, my Spiritual Director and many others outside our family and friends circle has helped and supported us. Even some that we don't know, but have heard of J's condition have contacted us with prayers and offers of help.  I have been stopped on the street by people that I don't know, but who know J offering their support for her and for me.  Surely, the portrayal in the media of some being heartless is certainly misguided and does a disservice to people.  In their view the only news is the bad, and often the unsung silent, quiet work of many is ignored.

The care that J had from the NHS has been first class following the stroke, which we are thankful for, and the ongoing care will be appreciated.  But, we are only to aware that the warning signs of the potential for a stroke, evident from an A&E admission 3 days before the stroke and a follow up visit for scans and tests the day before the stroke were not acted on by those she saw.  This is something to be addressed in the future, for now we need to concentrate on J's rehabilitation and restoration to whatever new normal health wise will be for her.

One of the personal effects for me were that when seeking to pray for her, the contemporary prayers and resources didn't really appeal. I resorted to the words of the Book of Common prayer, including the traditional language Psalms for my lamentation, because that is what and how I felt, and perhaps what I needed to pray for healing and wholeness for J.

Now, I am returning to the more modern forms of language, particularly a catholic prayer book, which seem to suit how I now feel.  Gratitude to God for his healing and mercy for J, and also the process of healing my spirit as I go forward.  Thanks be to God.

Latest DDO Meeting

The meeting last Monday, went very well. The DDO was on excellent form, dressed in summer shorts, T-shirt and trainers - so un-clerical, that he was ultra relaxed.

We discussed the Essays I had written, particularly one I had written about the Riots and we discussed the situation and the role of the church and some of the inspiring things that I had read about and even blogged about. This was an opportunity to discuss an Essay-blog written by The Rev Hayley Matthews, a priest who had been caught up in the Salford Riots and had stayed throughout just ‘being’. How inspirational I had found her story, which tied in very much with another aspect of Ordained Ministry. We spoke in some detail about my reflection on the riots and how the media, police and politicians were dealing with it, and in particular some of the biased, short-sighted suggestions being made. It was interesting to reflect on how, it had come through in his own sermon from the OT, Epistle and Gospel readings last Sunday.

We moved on to discuss the details of Selection, Initial Ministry Training and Continuing Ministry Education post ordination. Particularly the links in with the development of Common Tenure and how it was the same for both stipendiary and self-supporting ministry, albeit, curacy's were slightly different, one full time, one part-time. 

This was an engaging conversation as I felt that my knowledge of the training system was incomplete, and I had read some commentary on the internet challenging the churches leadership preparation and training for senior appointments. He gave me a detailed explanation of the system, how it has changed over time and how the new system, linked to common tenure was bringing the church belatedly, into the 21st Century in terms of Human Resource practices. He gave me a copy of the CME training criteria and explained the portfolio approach to it. A curate is required to complete all parts over the curacy which goes to the bishop towards the end of curacy to enable a decision, along with other reports, on future ministry deployment for the curate. It all made sense when I understood it.

I really felt affirmed. I know that I had visibly learned and grown during our discussiona. It was lively, two-way repartee. I continue to be impressed with the DDO’s determination to do the best for all potential ordinand's and to ensure that the church discerns a call to ministry fully and directs that call into the correct path.

It's clear that the meeting with the bishop next month is crucial. We have not organised a formal appointment, for next month, as the DDO is on holiday.   We will see the bishop's recommendation, if satisfactory,  he will book me onto a diocesan panel, probably in November and we will meet again in October.

 I had been to church earlier and said Morning Prayer aloud in an empty church.  I felt relaxed, prepared and just at peace. This feeling continues and I'm grateful to the DDO who, enables, encourages and supports my journey. I discovered that he's actually got 25 people in the system at various stages so, the fact that he gives me so much time is a blessing.

God be praised.

God Working in my Life

I have been pondering on how God seems to be working pretty hard in my life at the moment. I first thought about it at my last DDO meeting, when I could actually see a position that had clearly changed from its diametric opposite in the space of one meeting.

As a rule, I try not to imagine that God has inspired something, I try to discern how he might have approached an issue and what he might have done and then act accordingly. But things are just happening at what I could consider break-neck speed, given that upto now, things seemed to be moving at a pace that while I have never been in any rush to tread the path of Ordained Ministry, seemed to be mostly about waiting on God, while the church did its job of discernment and decision making. The church, being the good old CofE was never going to be speedy, perhaps over cautious might be a reasonable description. Slow, might be another.

In the past few weeks, I have detected a certain increase in pace. A new momentum, which initially I put down to the church getting its act together, but now I seem to feel is something actually empowering the momentum. I attribute this to the power of the Spirit, exercising God's will actively in my life.

I've always been quite a visual person, examples being my experience of sensing that cold breath in a church rising above the congregation as they pray as being our prayers rising to heaven. Other things I've experienced over the past year or so reinforce the visual experience as being a valid perception and being intrinsic to how I experience my faith and personal relationship with God.

It appears to me now that many things that I am experiencing are active interventions, perhaps to help me to grow as a christian, but to me, seem to be directing my vocation experience to become wider, deeper and perhaps with a more intense focus.

Last monday was the DDO meeting, which I blogged on just afterwards. As I left the meeting, I felt as if I was walking on air and full of joy. Grace had been poured into the meeting with the DDO, it was perceptible to both of us I think as we actually spoke about its effects.

On Tuesday I attended my Parish mid-week communion followed by a staff meeting. I seemed to be still uplifted and full of joy, and expressed this to those, who actually had seen how I was for themselves. On Wednesday, expecting to have a quiet day, I was prompted to attend Holy Communion at a local church (not my Parish_ and again, felt the exhilaration and joy of being there, worshiping and sharing with others the Joy of just 'being'.

On Thursday, I attended an Intercessions Workshop run in our Parish by our marvelous, inspiring curate, during the hour and a half of the workshop, those attending shared their experiences of researching, preparing, writing and leading intercessions. Again, having started with prayer in the vestry, we just seemed to be 'released' to speak freely and to share, perhaps more than we would have otherwise. The small group, the intimacy of the setting, in a 1000 year old church, surrounded by the prayers of generations might have been conducive to the atmosphere, but the Holy Spirit among us was perceptible to me, which I believe empowered us to be so constructive and to receptive to the learning experience we took part in.

Later that day, I was drawn to go the the Cathedral and just sit. As I was going in, I noted that a 'Pilgrim' service was to be held at 4 pm, and it just came to me, that I needed to be there. I sneaked around the barriers in the Crypt to the Jesus Chapel and finding the visiting priest with his people, asked would he mind if I joined his congregation for their Holy Communion. He readily made me welcome and I was privileged to share the experience of a group of Anglican Pilgrims, sharing the bread and wine in the ancient cathedral crypt, this service was the culmination fo their pilgrimage, they were returning home afterwards. It was a joy filled service, and I was made welcome by all of them and included in everything. This just seemed natural to them, and helped me to remember that its not my church, its not their church, its Jesus' church, his body and we are all integral part of it.

I stayed on for Choral Evensong with the Boys Choir and again, had a worship experience that is second to none that I know of. The combination of voices, the Psalms the readings and the setting really seemed to me to be heaven on earth.

After Evensong and some supper, I went to attend a Meeting at a local church where the Bishop and the Diocesan secretary where to outline the 'Moving Forward Together' agenda and the resources required for the next year. Again, the meeting started with prayer, the Bishop drawing our attention to Paul's letter to Phillipi which he found appropriate to the context of the meeting and inspiring him to speak
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The Vision and the Objectives outlined are centered on discipleship and growth. They are both inspiring, but are, I can see, essential to allow the church to remain central to life in our communities.

One aspect which really resonated was the talk about 'Re-imagining' ministry. This is driven by the need to refocus our effort back onto community engagement, but to depart from the traditional, inherited model of ministry, which is increasingly, while working, becoming unsustainable and frankly, unaffordable. I've got loads more thinking and praying to do in this, but one model proposed is a vision of collaborative ministry, with many fewer stipendiary ministers, leading a cluster of churches, which might have self-supporting priests in charge, but with an enhanced, empowered, expanded lay ministry. Vocations are key to this and to future growth. Discipleship comes central to this as the means of empowering all laity to their baptism gift of each being a 'great high priest' in their membership of the church.

Today, I attended and participated in two services, a BCP Holy Communion and a CW Sung Eucharist where I led intercessions. Both services were uplifting worthwhile, worship experiences and I came away, refreshed and uplifted.

I had been prompted to review and amend the intercessions following the Thursday meeting, but again on Saturday evening I was prompted to edit them further. Evidence again for me of God's actions to draw the best from me. The intercessions drew praise and thanks, which is not a cause of pride, rather a cause for thanksgiving from me to the Triune God who has been and is being, so active and giving so much joy in my life.

When I read this back, and if I did not know myself, I might think how delusional is that? but sensing that God seems to have seen fit to entrust me with something, which might or might not be Ordained Ministry, is so empowering and overwhelming, that I can hardly believe that it has happened to me? But it has, and it is.

I have a sense of wonder that these gifts have been so freely given to such an undeserving case as I know I am. But, it gives me great joy to say, Hallelujah and Praise be to God for them.