Doing to Much?

I have been thinking about some of the things I have been doing over the past few months. I am not working having retired last year, therefore, in theory, I have loads of time to spare and lots to offer. But it is the offers that cause me some doubt. I have several different voluntary roles with my church and another Christian organization. I have study and essays to write and time needed for preparation and reflection on DDO directed activities. In fact, I find myself at times, rushing from place to place, meeting deadlines and pleasing different people. I thought that I had given all of that up when I retired.

I am constantly reminded by my SD, the DDO and Parish Priest of the dangers of being overwhelmed (SD) of doing to much (DDO) and needing time for myself (Parish Priest). At the same time, they give me stuff to do!

It seems to me that the time I need is for God and myself! Time to allow him to perhaps be allowed to speak to me in peace and quiet, not while I am on the run. Although, I must admit that those glimpses are worthwhile, specially when I hear or see someone who inspires me with their love, humility and selfless service.

My question to myself perhaps is concerned with my ability to cope with pressure - if I am wobbling now, at a time when the church is testing a vocation, how will I cope with training (if selected) and how will I cope with ministry if ordained?

Lots to pray for and guidance to seek - back to my SD perhaps.

Reflection on Vocation

I am testing a Vocation to Ordained Ministry. I have been struggling to understand the call I feel for some months. I have felt drawn to the Permanent Diocanate - which appears to have a context and direction, serving God's people in a number of ways, which Parish Ministry while one option for Ministry may not be what I am called to.

I have listened carefully to how I feel, what is being said to me, both in my Prayers, reflections and quiet times - and when sharing my feelings and thoughts with others. All that I have heard shows that the call can be live - it can change - it can grow - it can shrink - but once felt and heard will not go away.

The process of discernment is underway - I am in preparation with my Vicar as there is so much I need to do, to learn, to grow in knowledge and understanding, it is daunting and a little frightening.

How will I cope, when I struggle now - at the early stages, at the start. I pray for the strength and grace to move forward and I know that others sharing my journey pray for my Vocation as well - but still I doubt myself, I doubt my worthiness. I have confidence that if I stay on track God will provide - but my human weakness is there all of the time - How do I overcome it?

I am now seeking Spiritual Direction which I pray will allow me to resolve some of these issues and to move forward to follow where God is leading me.