My spouse is unwell and waiting for urgent surgery. This is the second episode in 10 years, last time was difficult and dangerous for her - and I was really upset and worried for her. of course, I did not have faith at that time - and relied on my own strength to get through it. And we survived and she recovered.
This time around I have real confidence that she will be ok, she has been prayed for by so many, that I am devoid of how to say some myself. I know about vulnerability, I have fallen foul of it in the past - I need to be strong and remain positive - it can be hard, when someone you love so desperately much, faces more pain and suffering. The BCP Prayer for the sick seem appropriate.
O God of heavenly powers, by the might of your command you drive away from our bodies all sickness and all infirmity: Be present in your goodness with your servant J., that her weakness may be banished and her strength restored; and that, her health being renewed, she may bless your holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Saturday, 27 February 2010
The Past
I have just received records of my time in Care when a young child. I have felt the need to close a gap in memory and knowledge for what, why and how it happened. The need is two fold, in connection with possible discernment for ministry, but also to understand where I came from and where I am now. Joining up the dots of a life line where there is bit of a gap.
I had anticipated just browsing the file, and making notes, without to much fuss. However, it is not so easy - drawing back the curtain and letting light into dark places (I was between 10 months to 10 years old during the this period.)
I read some things, which I have no memory of concerning my parents, their life after their marriage and subsequent marriage breakdown. Things, which I had an inkling of, from things my father said - but there is nothing like seeing it in black and white, starkly laying out events, dates, times, places, meticiously recorded.
I am still assimilating this data - I know that I will need to revisit it to fully understand it - but worry whether I will be able to cope with the upset it might cause me and perhaps to others. Although I am inclined to put it away and forget it - but it will not let me.
God is working here - this is a time for healing and working through issues, unspoken or even unthought of for many years - I think that Spiritual Direction will have a bearing on how this goes, and I will be off to it quite soon.
I had anticipated just browsing the file, and making notes, without to much fuss. However, it is not so easy - drawing back the curtain and letting light into dark places (I was between 10 months to 10 years old during the this period.)
I read some things, which I have no memory of concerning my parents, their life after their marriage and subsequent marriage breakdown. Things, which I had an inkling of, from things my father said - but there is nothing like seeing it in black and white, starkly laying out events, dates, times, places, meticiously recorded.
I am still assimilating this data - I know that I will need to revisit it to fully understand it - but worry whether I will be able to cope with the upset it might cause me and perhaps to others. Although I am inclined to put it away and forget it - but it will not let me.
God is working here - this is a time for healing and working through issues, unspoken or even unthought of for many years - I think that Spiritual Direction will have a bearing on how this goes, and I will be off to it quite soon.
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Temptations
I am doing intercessions tomorrow at Holy Communion, and while thinking about the prayers which will be themed with the Gospel of Jesus during his 40 days of prayer in the wilderness, being tempted by the Devil and refuting all with the words of scripture.
If only we could refute or turn away temptations, by using the word of God! Part of our humanity is the free will to make choices - and things in life can tempt us in so many ways, whether deliberately, accidentally during waking hours or even while asleep (who knows where the dreams come from which tempt you?). Evil exists and attacks wherever it can.
The choice is simple, yet extremely hard. We can give in to temptation, and turn our face away from God, or we can resist it and remain steadfast as urged by St Paul (Hard choices, but simple and perhaps in black and white) - but what about the other temptations, the temptation to be judgmental, to ignore injustice, poverty, what is happening in our work lives, what is happening in our church, what is happening in our communities? Surely these are worse errors than perhaps the occasional uttering of a swear word?
It is an easy choice to look away, to ignore things, to tell yourself that it has nothing to do with you! But when conscience steps in, nagging and prompting, we know that we have not been true to ourselves and what God wishes us to be - this is where repentance and recompense is needed to put things right.
When I look back over my life, I know that these errors have featured, more often than not, as taking the easy way out, and refusing to acknowledge that it was my responsibility to do something. As it is up to all of us to take responsibility for both our own actions and as communities for each other - when this happens we might have a nearly perfect world.
So my intercessions tomorrow will be asking for us as individuals and as communities to take responsibility and to keep ahead of what is going on, and doing what we can through prayer, practical, financial and material support to try in small ways to make things better.
If only we could refute or turn away temptations, by using the word of God! Part of our humanity is the free will to make choices - and things in life can tempt us in so many ways, whether deliberately, accidentally during waking hours or even while asleep (who knows where the dreams come from which tempt you?). Evil exists and attacks wherever it can.
The choice is simple, yet extremely hard. We can give in to temptation, and turn our face away from God, or we can resist it and remain steadfast as urged by St Paul (Hard choices, but simple and perhaps in black and white) - but what about the other temptations, the temptation to be judgmental, to ignore injustice, poverty, what is happening in our work lives, what is happening in our church, what is happening in our communities? Surely these are worse errors than perhaps the occasional uttering of a swear word?
It is an easy choice to look away, to ignore things, to tell yourself that it has nothing to do with you! But when conscience steps in, nagging and prompting, we know that we have not been true to ourselves and what God wishes us to be - this is where repentance and recompense is needed to put things right.
When I look back over my life, I know that these errors have featured, more often than not, as taking the easy way out, and refusing to acknowledge that it was my responsibility to do something. As it is up to all of us to take responsibility for both our own actions and as communities for each other - when this happens we might have a nearly perfect world.
So my intercessions tomorrow will be asking for us as individuals and as communities to take responsibility and to keep ahead of what is going on, and doing what we can through prayer, practical, financial and material support to try in small ways to make things better.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Ash Wednesday and Repentance
Ash Wednesday the second since my return to faith. Last year I was so excited and full of anticipation about the Lent period and the lead up to the events at Easter. Perhaps my excitement overcame for me the true purpose of Lent, which is a period of repentance and of reflection and preparation for marking the Death and Glorious Resurrection of Jesus Christ.
One year on - as I have posted previously, I have had a much more mature insight into my faith, how it has grown and how just making a general confession during worship seemed to me to not be enough.
I was able to go to Confession this week - to bring forward all of those things, which although I felt had been forgiven to lay them before Jesus Christ and to receive absolution. To say that if felt as if a black cloud, which I had not really acknowledged before, was lifted from me, would be an understatement. It was a very emotional thing, and profoundly moving.
Only now can I say the words of the prayer of Humble Access feeling cleansed and asking the Holy Spirit to fill me.
Almighty God
unto whom all hearts be open,
all desires known,
and from whom no secrets are hid,
cleanse the thoughts of our hearts,
by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love thee,
and worthily magnify they holy name,
through Christ our Lord,
Amen
One year on - as I have posted previously, I have had a much more mature insight into my faith, how it has grown and how just making a general confession during worship seemed to me to not be enough.
I was able to go to Confession this week - to bring forward all of those things, which although I felt had been forgiven to lay them before Jesus Christ and to receive absolution. To say that if felt as if a black cloud, which I had not really acknowledged before, was lifted from me, would be an understatement. It was a very emotional thing, and profoundly moving.
Only now can I say the words of the prayer of Humble Access feeling cleansed and asking the Holy Spirit to fill me.
Almighty God
unto whom all hearts be open,
all desires known,
and from whom no secrets are hid,
cleanse the thoughts of our hearts,
by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love thee,
and worthily magnify they holy name,
through Christ our Lord,
Amen
Friday, 12 February 2010
Inclusive, NOT Exclusive
I am heartened by the decision of the General Synod to give equal pension rights to Partners of Clergy in a Civil Partnership. I have read that "The Holy Spirit was working here" and I would agree with that comment.
The Church has for to long procrastinated about issues of Inclusion of all, who are God's people, who are all created in his image. Hiding behind Scripture to disguise prejudice and being judgemental, when Jesus himself said that "He will be the Judge".
This not only applies to Gender and Sexual matters, it applies to every one from any race, social position, class distinction or religious belief. All deserve to be treated as truly equal and to be given the dignity and respect for their humanity and likeness to Christ, which they personify by their 'being'.
I am not an academic and do not have deep biblical knowledge, but having lived for 60 years sometimes in God's good grace, but possibly, the majority without it, I have learned that how we treat others (love thy neighbour the second most important commandment) will certainly be part of our accountability in the next life.
The Church is slowly moving towards the recoginition that it can no longer afford to exist in a cocoon - but to take the 'word' out in mission to love and greet all as their brothers and sisters in Christ.
God is Great
The Church has for to long procrastinated about issues of Inclusion of all, who are God's people, who are all created in his image. Hiding behind Scripture to disguise prejudice and being judgemental, when Jesus himself said that "He will be the Judge".
This not only applies to Gender and Sexual matters, it applies to every one from any race, social position, class distinction or religious belief. All deserve to be treated as truly equal and to be given the dignity and respect for their humanity and likeness to Christ, which they personify by their 'being'.
I am not an academic and do not have deep biblical knowledge, but having lived for 60 years sometimes in God's good grace, but possibly, the majority without it, I have learned that how we treat others (love thy neighbour the second most important commandment) will certainly be part of our accountability in the next life.
The Church is slowly moving towards the recoginition that it can no longer afford to exist in a cocoon - but to take the 'word' out in mission to love and greet all as their brothers and sisters in Christ.
God is Great
Monday, 8 February 2010
Confession or Reconciliation or both?
Coming from a Catholic background, my concept of Confession is founded on my childhood experience of the Sacrement, which I discarded when I left the RC Church.
My view of the place of Confession in the Anglican tradition had been formed by initial contact and learning, in that unless there were real or specific reasons for someone to feel the need for personal confession to a Priest, the General Confession and Repentance within Anglican Daily Prayer and Worship services was sufficient to examine your consience and to offer the acknowledged errors and transgressions to Jesus Christ as my Saviour and Remeemer to be reconciled to God. Confession within the Anglican tradition, seems to be a very specialised area, with few Priests actually available, unless you go to a High Anglo Catholic, where it is commonplace.
Having been thinking carefully and prayerfully about this - I believe that my views are changed, perhaps discussions with a Priest have helped, but also perhaps something has happened in myself, which allows me to put aside pre-conceptions and inhibitions going back to childhood regarding confession to view it in a renewed light.
So, I now accept that Confession AND Reconciliation are necessary to make us whole, to bring things out into the open between us and God, with the Priest as an intermediary - approaching this idea, after 25 years or more, without being in a confessional, is daunting but something I feel drawn to do if I can feel that I am made whole and to be fully reconciled with Jesus Christ.
I have found a Priest for this, and will be going soon. Lots of reflection needed to allow discernment from my inner self, where I have issues, some historic, which need to be aired! Having repented already, they still seem to be there below the surface colouring how I feel and even impact on how I worship. Very Soon!!
My view of the place of Confession in the Anglican tradition had been formed by initial contact and learning, in that unless there were real or specific reasons for someone to feel the need for personal confession to a Priest, the General Confession and Repentance within Anglican Daily Prayer and Worship services was sufficient to examine your consience and to offer the acknowledged errors and transgressions to Jesus Christ as my Saviour and Remeemer to be reconciled to God. Confession within the Anglican tradition, seems to be a very specialised area, with few Priests actually available, unless you go to a High Anglo Catholic, where it is commonplace.
Having been thinking carefully and prayerfully about this - I believe that my views are changed, perhaps discussions with a Priest have helped, but also perhaps something has happened in myself, which allows me to put aside pre-conceptions and inhibitions going back to childhood regarding confession to view it in a renewed light.
So, I now accept that Confession AND Reconciliation are necessary to make us whole, to bring things out into the open between us and God, with the Priest as an intermediary - approaching this idea, after 25 years or more, without being in a confessional, is daunting but something I feel drawn to do if I can feel that I am made whole and to be fully reconciled with Jesus Christ.
I have found a Priest for this, and will be going soon. Lots of reflection needed to allow discernment from my inner self, where I have issues, some historic, which need to be aired! Having repented already, they still seem to be there below the surface colouring how I feel and even impact on how I worship. Very Soon!!
Baptism
I attended a Baptism of Alice, the child of good friends of ours yesterday. Her parents wanted her baptism to be at the church at the centre of their primary family group, so we went to a lovely church near Brighton.
We went to the family home, and met for the first time the family, who surround our good friend, and I am impelled to say that they were wonderful. Welcoming, friendly and already having a great deal of background knowledge of us, from our friends, although, we knew little or nothing of them, as our friend has always been quite reserved about such detail. He is a professional, a Doctor and Pschiatrist, who while outgoing and a wonderful person, always seems to hold a watching brief for what is going on around him. However, seeing him with Alice is a revelation, all of the outer coat disappears and he is the epitome of a doting father.
Baptism means a lot to them as practicing Anglicans, and we found their family to be also life long Anglicans - regular church goers and committed to their faith and living accordingly.
So, seeing Alice being welcomed into the family of the church was an experience full of joy and with the opportunity to feel again and to understand the true meaning of Baptism for us. In particular the promises made by the Parents and God parents on behalf of Alice, but the mutual recitation of the Creed.
I actually felt instinctively, that those making this profession of faith alongside and for Alice and ourselves, really felt, and believed the things they were professing and that is a wonderful thing. To feel in both the presence of God as a happy occasion, but knowing that believers together were praising and worshiping God as well.
So, when we think of Baptism as the start of our life in Christ - we also look further forward to living the life fully human, in the way that God wills us to - in companionship, harmony, love, fellowship, compassion, community, loving and worshiping God. The Kingdom of God perhaps?
We went to the family home, and met for the first time the family, who surround our good friend, and I am impelled to say that they were wonderful. Welcoming, friendly and already having a great deal of background knowledge of us, from our friends, although, we knew little or nothing of them, as our friend has always been quite reserved about such detail. He is a professional, a Doctor and Pschiatrist, who while outgoing and a wonderful person, always seems to hold a watching brief for what is going on around him. However, seeing him with Alice is a revelation, all of the outer coat disappears and he is the epitome of a doting father.
Baptism means a lot to them as practicing Anglicans, and we found their family to be also life long Anglicans - regular church goers and committed to their faith and living accordingly.
So, seeing Alice being welcomed into the family of the church was an experience full of joy and with the opportunity to feel again and to understand the true meaning of Baptism for us. In particular the promises made by the Parents and God parents on behalf of Alice, but the mutual recitation of the Creed.
I actually felt instinctively, that those making this profession of faith alongside and for Alice and ourselves, really felt, and believed the things they were professing and that is a wonderful thing. To feel in both the presence of God as a happy occasion, but knowing that believers together were praising and worshiping God as well.
So, when we think of Baptism as the start of our life in Christ - we also look further forward to living the life fully human, in the way that God wills us to - in companionship, harmony, love, fellowship, compassion, community, loving and worshiping God. The Kingdom of God perhaps?
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