I was thinking about service, in the sense of ministry this week. I had a small disappointment in that a meeting with a DDO was not going to happen as early as anticipated. But on the same day, I had the privilege of taking Holy Communion to a Care Home, which I have been involved with for several months. The is a precious ministry and one which I find very affirming both for those we serve - who despite their age, are bright, alert and very involved, their limitations, in the main, being purely physical.
During the service, I realised that this is a fulfilling part of ministry, but I feel called to do so much more. I am now involved in doing intercessions on a rota and have supported worship and even led a Remembrance Service last November. In all of this, part of my Parish Placement, I am unlicensed and therefore, doing it under supervision.
So the delay in seeing a DDO, effected me more than I had thought and I had a few hours of self doubt and human weakness, wondering whether it was just me, and was I really upto the role and this was perhaps a subtle way of letting me down gently. However, after some reflection (and chats and communications with others) I saw that I was really over reacting and had forgotton the key thing - where is God in this, and what is his will?
I forgot momentarily I suppose that he knows what he wishes me to do, but will only let me know when he feels I am ready. I can feel as ready as I like, but until He is ready, it is for nothing.
So back to stability and a little common sense. A few prayers down the line I feel even better, so patience, waiting and prayer meanwhile serving where and how I can and worshipping wherever I can meet God and others in communion with him or even not, is the way forward.
God works so wonderfully, he speaks in so many ways and perhaps tests us a little - be he has all the answers, we just need to wait for him to reveal them.
Thursday, 21 January 2010
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Weather and Worship
I had a call today from my Vicar not to come to church tomorrow, as the weather conditions at my Church are so bad - that he thinks that the journey to and from could be an issue. I travel 53 miles to my church each way - as it is the place that I choose to belong to and to worship. Normally, the journey is quite pleasant and I travel in anticipation of meeting God in Worship and also the fellowship and affirmation in joining the community that I believe God willed me to join, and is now calling me to serve.
I am a little disappointed, but I know that he has done this out of concern for my personal safety, and I respect him and love him for that - I am unsure how many Vicars would take the time to do this, but Pastoral Care for the whole flock is his calling and he does it well.
I sometimes wonder why I feel called to Ordained Ministry, and then I reflect on how little things and kindness's and consideration and commitment from the Vicar and others in the church towards me, have made me so joyful and grateful to God for allowing me to be part of his love and being.
Tomorrow I will walk 150 yards to my local church, where I live. This is a place that I discovered as part of the directed mentoring from my Vicar. St Pauls is an Evangelical Church run by CPAS with a CA Vicar. This community is also welcoming and I feel welcome and comfortable there - they have so much to offer. But............... Do I feel called to serve there, while I wish I was, the answer is NO. I love the community, but the draw and the call rings loud and long to me at Canterbury.
I pray that the weather improves to let me resume my journeys to Canterbury, I have so much to do there, my Ministry is there, my worship belongs there, and my vocation and spirit is there.
I am a little disappointed, but I know that he has done this out of concern for my personal safety, and I respect him and love him for that - I am unsure how many Vicars would take the time to do this, but Pastoral Care for the whole flock is his calling and he does it well.
I sometimes wonder why I feel called to Ordained Ministry, and then I reflect on how little things and kindness's and consideration and commitment from the Vicar and others in the church towards me, have made me so joyful and grateful to God for allowing me to be part of his love and being.
Tomorrow I will walk 150 yards to my local church, where I live. This is a place that I discovered as part of the directed mentoring from my Vicar. St Pauls is an Evangelical Church run by CPAS with a CA Vicar. This community is also welcoming and I feel welcome and comfortable there - they have so much to offer. But............... Do I feel called to serve there, while I wish I was, the answer is NO. I love the community, but the draw and the call rings loud and long to me at Canterbury.
I pray that the weather improves to let me resume my journeys to Canterbury, I have so much to do there, my Ministry is there, my worship belongs there, and my vocation and spirit is there.
Monday, 28 December 2009
Exciting Times
I actually wrote this and posted elsewhere on 21st December, I thought that it was a summary of a great year in my life. I have amended it to protect the innocent.
Yesterday evening during worship, I reflected a little on how Exciting 2009 has been in my life. While I have had a full life, with lots of ups and downs, which is what life is about. In 2009, the first full year back as a Christian, answering a call from God, which is remains strong and full on - so much has happened.
Firstly, the call to some form of Ministry within the Church has now developed to the stage, where I feel that it is Ordained Ministry, which due to my age and circumstances, means Ordained, Local Ministry in a specific location - I feel called to Minister within my B&M Parish, the Bridge Benefice near Canterbury.
This call has been recognised in the Parish and I have become involved quite deeply in a Parish Placement, which has involved taking communion to people in Care Homes, supporting Worship in Reading and now latterly intercessions and actually been given the privilage of leading an Act of Worship for Remembrance Day. I is planned that I will be formally licensed by the Bishop as an Authorised Lay Minister for these duties in January. I also will be seeing the DDO in January, where I hope and pray that the call will be discerned to enable it to move forward.
I have now gained a Spiritual Director, who has proven thus far, to be supportive and truly helpful. I anticipate this relationship growing and developing in the new year. This relationship allows me to explore as yet unconsidered facets of the call and to help me deepen my faith and belief and to develop my personal prayer life. So it is immensely important for me.
In August, my spouse and I renewed our Wedding Vows at St Mary's church, the place where I was accepted into the Parish and the CofE in 2008. This was for us a day of great joy and reinforced our relationship of love and care for each other on so many levels.
In August, I actually retired from full time employment. In many ways a sad occasion, as I left behind a huge portion of my life (43 years) in the Army. However, it was time! I felt in many ways that being part of an organisation, which of necessity had to recruit young people, who would have to go to war in Afghanistan, was something which I had real concerns about. I have no regrets about my service, which has provided me with a good living and security in the form of a reasonable pension, and I continue to support my former friends and colleagues in what they do. Perhaps conscience is involved, but I just feel that we have been dragged into a war as a political expedient, which does not feel just or for the benefit of the population of Afghanistan.
The good thing about retirement, is seeing friends and colleagues, but without the stress and hassle of involvement of trying to do a hard job with tight financial constraints, diminishing resources but being expected to fulfill all statuatory duties to the fullest extent. In the last 2 years, I did my own job and that of an Officer, who had left and was not replaced due to financial constraints. Having to do this is draining, stressful and imposes conflicting responsibilities which cause all sorts of issues. Being in this situation is wearing physically and emotionally and I was glad to surrender it to someone else. Good luck to Linda my Successor.
Off course, there has been sadness. Some good friends have passed away, which has an edge when you have known them and also worked alongside them over many years - and of course, the migration of our grand children to Australia has given us some sadness. The reality is that a better life is offered there for them, so while regretting their leaving, we pray and hope that they will have a successful life there.
What I am trying to say here really is that God is working strongly in my life, I feel it every day and see his working in so many things. Things happen unexpectedly and in ways that cannot be coincidence to move things on. At the start of Lent I felt such excitement at the build up to Easter and the resurrection of Jesus as our Saviour. I feel a similar excitement now in anticipation of the Birth of Jesus being celebrated. I have done so much this year, The Pastoral Care Course, Joining the Course at Christchurch University and have met so many committed Christians whose life is for and through the Holy Spirit, it has served to help me grow and deepen my own faith.
Last and not least is my membership of i-church, which has been hugely beneficial to me with the fellowship, support, worship and affirmation of belonging to a community of people, none of who I have met, yet who feel closer to me than some of my friends that I have known for years.
God is wonderful, God is Great, God Is!!
Yesterday evening during worship, I reflected a little on how Exciting 2009 has been in my life. While I have had a full life, with lots of ups and downs, which is what life is about. In 2009, the first full year back as a Christian, answering a call from God, which is remains strong and full on - so much has happened.
Firstly, the call to some form of Ministry within the Church has now developed to the stage, where I feel that it is Ordained Ministry, which due to my age and circumstances, means Ordained, Local Ministry in a specific location - I feel called to Minister within my B&M Parish, the Bridge Benefice near Canterbury.
This call has been recognised in the Parish and I have become involved quite deeply in a Parish Placement, which has involved taking communion to people in Care Homes, supporting Worship in Reading and now latterly intercessions and actually been given the privilage of leading an Act of Worship for Remembrance Day. I is planned that I will be formally licensed by the Bishop as an Authorised Lay Minister for these duties in January. I also will be seeing the DDO in January, where I hope and pray that the call will be discerned to enable it to move forward.
I have now gained a Spiritual Director, who has proven thus far, to be supportive and truly helpful. I anticipate this relationship growing and developing in the new year. This relationship allows me to explore as yet unconsidered facets of the call and to help me deepen my faith and belief and to develop my personal prayer life. So it is immensely important for me.
In August, my spouse and I renewed our Wedding Vows at St Mary's church, the place where I was accepted into the Parish and the CofE in 2008. This was for us a day of great joy and reinforced our relationship of love and care for each other on so many levels.
In August, I actually retired from full time employment. In many ways a sad occasion, as I left behind a huge portion of my life (43 years) in the Army. However, it was time! I felt in many ways that being part of an organisation, which of necessity had to recruit young people, who would have to go to war in Afghanistan, was something which I had real concerns about. I have no regrets about my service, which has provided me with a good living and security in the form of a reasonable pension, and I continue to support my former friends and colleagues in what they do. Perhaps conscience is involved, but I just feel that we have been dragged into a war as a political expedient, which does not feel just or for the benefit of the population of Afghanistan.
The good thing about retirement, is seeing friends and colleagues, but without the stress and hassle of involvement of trying to do a hard job with tight financial constraints, diminishing resources but being expected to fulfill all statuatory duties to the fullest extent. In the last 2 years, I did my own job and that of an Officer, who had left and was not replaced due to financial constraints. Having to do this is draining, stressful and imposes conflicting responsibilities which cause all sorts of issues. Being in this situation is wearing physically and emotionally and I was glad to surrender it to someone else. Good luck to Linda my Successor.
Off course, there has been sadness. Some good friends have passed away, which has an edge when you have known them and also worked alongside them over many years - and of course, the migration of our grand children to Australia has given us some sadness. The reality is that a better life is offered there for them, so while regretting their leaving, we pray and hope that they will have a successful life there.
What I am trying to say here really is that God is working strongly in my life, I feel it every day and see his working in so many things. Things happen unexpectedly and in ways that cannot be coincidence to move things on. At the start of Lent I felt such excitement at the build up to Easter and the resurrection of Jesus as our Saviour. I feel a similar excitement now in anticipation of the Birth of Jesus being celebrated. I have done so much this year, The Pastoral Care Course, Joining the Course at Christchurch University and have met so many committed Christians whose life is for and through the Holy Spirit, it has served to help me grow and deepen my own faith.
Last and not least is my membership of i-church, which has been hugely beneficial to me with the fellowship, support, worship and affirmation of belonging to a community of people, none of who I have met, yet who feel closer to me than some of my friends that I have known for years.
God is wonderful, God is Great, God Is!!
Saturday, 28 November 2009
Friday, 10 July 2009
Family Service
lI attended a Family Service last weekend, which was the first in my Parish for me and the first in any church in my journey, since it re-commenced within the church last year.
I had been urged to attend by my Vicar who is mentoring me in preperation to test a vocation, and went along with no hopes or expectations of being involved, but rather as a spectator.
I was most surprised to attend a service led by Lay Ministers, which was actually family oriented and involved the Children in acting out the Gospel of the day, and providing the opportunity for them to interact with adults as we acted out our part in the drama being unveiled.
It was prayerful, but also jolly and fun, and eye opening for my fairly narrow perspective on worship and how it could be so positive and joyful. I will certainly be attending more in the future as I believe it has much to offer and is one sign of God working in a situation which allows 'All Age Worship' to be part of a church community, which is established and formed with a varied age grouping.
I commend it to anyone who thinks that it is just for the kids.
I had been urged to attend by my Vicar who is mentoring me in preperation to test a vocation, and went along with no hopes or expectations of being involved, but rather as a spectator.
I was most surprised to attend a service led by Lay Ministers, which was actually family oriented and involved the Children in acting out the Gospel of the day, and providing the opportunity for them to interact with adults as we acted out our part in the drama being unveiled.
It was prayerful, but also jolly and fun, and eye opening for my fairly narrow perspective on worship and how it could be so positive and joyful. I will certainly be attending more in the future as I believe it has much to offer and is one sign of God working in a situation which allows 'All Age Worship' to be part of a church community, which is established and formed with a varied age grouping.
I commend it to anyone who thinks that it is just for the kids.
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Reading Books
I am doing a fair amount of reading at the moment, having got a fairly extensive reading list as part of my testing a vocation. Reading seems to be a practical exercise, but to take in the content of a book, to put it into context and to reflect on others read in the same context, takes time and discipline.
I had read about five, before I understood that I needed to make a synopsis of what I had read, what I had taken from it and perhaps things in the reading, which had moved me forward or were relevant to my situation. Of course, this now requires me to return to them and complete the exercise.
I also try to find time in a busy life to read the bible as part of a daily prayer cycle, and of course, finding my understanding of it to be enhanced and helped by other books, which explain or comment on the bible passages.
This is a maze of learning, which at the moment, I am finding it difficult to cope with, but things get easier as I get more disciplined.
The lesson for me from this is that being equipped for a vocation, if that is God's will, is not that he will hand me the tools on a plate, rather that he will point out the direction and I will follow and work to obtain the skills needed. Another small realisation, that nothing is given, rather Gods gift to us of an ability to think and reason is there for his purpose, not ours.
I had read about five, before I understood that I needed to make a synopsis of what I had read, what I had taken from it and perhaps things in the reading, which had moved me forward or were relevant to my situation. Of course, this now requires me to return to them and complete the exercise.
I also try to find time in a busy life to read the bible as part of a daily prayer cycle, and of course, finding my understanding of it to be enhanced and helped by other books, which explain or comment on the bible passages.
This is a maze of learning, which at the moment, I am finding it difficult to cope with, but things get easier as I get more disciplined.
The lesson for me from this is that being equipped for a vocation, if that is God's will, is not that he will hand me the tools on a plate, rather that he will point out the direction and I will follow and work to obtain the skills needed. Another small realisation, that nothing is given, rather Gods gift to us of an ability to think and reason is there for his purpose, not ours.
Monday, 15 June 2009
How to Cope
One thing that I have learned over 43 years of military service is coping strategies. Having lived in different countries and cultures with language barriers, you learn to develop these early.
I understand myself to be a reasonably efficient person, with the ability to work well with and manage others. I am also a reasonable manager, or I would not have got to the position of responsibility that I now hold (but am about to relinquish).
I have coped with personal trauma, real trauma and death, complex situations, some during operational deployment, or training for them (albeit, none in recent years). I have always been able to cope.
In the last 12 months, I stepped onto a roller coaster. The roller coaster in question, was a faith journey, which has spun on dramatically escalating from a twinge, an idea, a confirmation that there was a God and that he wanted me back, to joining a Christian Congregation, being confirmed and now testing a vocation. Why have I not coped particularly well with this?
Perhaps it is the total unpredictability of it - perhaps it is God's will to keep me on a hook, perhaps it is just my human inability to see and discern what is going on inside and outside myself. I just don't cope - I go from day to day, with a prayer, with joyous occasions, with new enlightenment coming from small things, people, events, pictures, reading, viewing and participation on the internet in church and research. I am struggling to balance everything and to cope. I don't get time to think before something else comes along to disturb the peace, with I believe that I have got to.
What I do know, is the excitement, the longing, the constant nagging inside saying to me, I am here, this is the way, just follow, be patient, keep seeking, keep your eyes open, be alert, welcome all, and crucially, I feel that the love that is God's presence in my life.
Wow, perhaps I am coping after all.
I understand myself to be a reasonably efficient person, with the ability to work well with and manage others. I am also a reasonable manager, or I would not have got to the position of responsibility that I now hold (but am about to relinquish).
I have coped with personal trauma, real trauma and death, complex situations, some during operational deployment, or training for them (albeit, none in recent years). I have always been able to cope.
In the last 12 months, I stepped onto a roller coaster. The roller coaster in question, was a faith journey, which has spun on dramatically escalating from a twinge, an idea, a confirmation that there was a God and that he wanted me back, to joining a Christian Congregation, being confirmed and now testing a vocation. Why have I not coped particularly well with this?
Perhaps it is the total unpredictability of it - perhaps it is God's will to keep me on a hook, perhaps it is just my human inability to see and discern what is going on inside and outside myself. I just don't cope - I go from day to day, with a prayer, with joyous occasions, with new enlightenment coming from small things, people, events, pictures, reading, viewing and participation on the internet in church and research. I am struggling to balance everything and to cope. I don't get time to think before something else comes along to disturb the peace, with I believe that I have got to.
What I do know, is the excitement, the longing, the constant nagging inside saying to me, I am here, this is the way, just follow, be patient, keep seeking, keep your eyes open, be alert, welcome all, and crucially, I feel that the love that is God's presence in my life.
Wow, perhaps I am coping after all.
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