Sometimes we forget how precious people and time we spend with them is. It is to late when they are gone to spend that time, and I have really got to value time spent together with friends and family.
Jen is off work for a while, she is still waiting for a call from the Hospital for surgery on the skull fracture, which is causing brain fluid to leak through her nostrils. Being NHS, it will not be done in the next day or so. But taking the chance to be together is really good, we have the time to do things together which we could not do while I was working and even after retirement, found difficult as she still works.
We went to Hever Castle yesterday, an attraction about 25 miles from where we live. It is commercialised to an extent, and everything is cordoned off, and it is all look, but don't touch. I found it quite frustrating - as it describes itself as interactive, but we noticed that those who borrowed the mobile handheld tour guides quickly ran out of battery power, half way around. No photography or video is permitted - I fail to understand why, perhaps as an encouragement to buy an expensive guide book!
The grounds however are beautiful and well worth a visit on their own account. Peaceful to walk through meadows, wooded areas and a maze, without the crowds you might get in peak season.
The delight for us however was on leaving the Castle, going to view St Peters Church at Hever, it is ancient, patently Church of England, and with many relics and associations with the Bullen (Bolyin in Anne) family and latterly the Astor Family. We found it peaceful and the stained glass window in the Chancel with the sun shining through it was stunning. Jen who is not overawed by churches found it quite beautiful, and a reminder of her childhood and CofE upbringing in Charlton and Blackheath in SE London.
Due to Jen's illness, we have not been able to really go out somewhere together for several months and I found the time together with lots of photographs as a commemoration, means that these precious times are preserved for memory and posterity (and our grand children).
Friday, 19 March 2010
Friday, 12 March 2010
Back to Work
I went with Jen to work today - she was under some pressure and asked if I could help with some stuff that was urgently needed to be completed to a deadline. Other staff are off either on leave or sick, so spare capacity was zero.
I must admit, that I was reluctant - retirement has meant the freedom of how I get up, slop around, dress or study at home. Even on those days for my Parish Attachments or Church activities, I am relaxed and casual.
But, I agreed and got up in the old routine and we went to work together, I have perhaps become a little insular in the last few months, as I thought that the workplace was crowded with desks, computers, notice boards and all sorts of IT & Office Machinery. No laptop and freedom to move around with it and to work where I want.
But I was made most welcome, some of the people I had known before, having worked there 25 years ago - others were new to me. It felt strange getting back into a working environment, using networked systems and email (by proxy for Jen) to achieve the target.
I had forgotten how slow a Wide Area Network, using bespoke applications can be, and how frustrating it can be when a report is run and comes up with Zero as the Parameters were not set properly. In the end the aim was achieved and the information produced, collated and emailed to the impatient recipient.
Having been out of the workplace since last August - I have got out of the work habit and perhaps that is to the good - freedom of choice and the financial security to allow it is not given to many, and I realise how fortunate I am to have it.
I had thought about part-time employment, but there is little prospect of that in the current climate - and I am perhaps grateful for that. My quality of life is so much better without the daily travel, work routine and grind that is being on a treadmill with responsibilities for management, funding, people, health and safety and so many other things.
My responsibility is now for my family, perhaps myself and to where God is calling me and willing me to be - working with or in the Church in some form of ministry. God is Great.
I must admit, that I was reluctant - retirement has meant the freedom of how I get up, slop around, dress or study at home. Even on those days for my Parish Attachments or Church activities, I am relaxed and casual.
But, I agreed and got up in the old routine and we went to work together, I have perhaps become a little insular in the last few months, as I thought that the workplace was crowded with desks, computers, notice boards and all sorts of IT & Office Machinery. No laptop and freedom to move around with it and to work where I want.
But I was made most welcome, some of the people I had known before, having worked there 25 years ago - others were new to me. It felt strange getting back into a working environment, using networked systems and email (by proxy for Jen) to achieve the target.
I had forgotten how slow a Wide Area Network, using bespoke applications can be, and how frustrating it can be when a report is run and comes up with Zero as the Parameters were not set properly. In the end the aim was achieved and the information produced, collated and emailed to the impatient recipient.
Having been out of the workplace since last August - I have got out of the work habit and perhaps that is to the good - freedom of choice and the financial security to allow it is not given to many, and I realise how fortunate I am to have it.
I had thought about part-time employment, but there is little prospect of that in the current climate - and I am perhaps grateful for that. My quality of life is so much better without the daily travel, work routine and grind that is being on a treadmill with responsibilities for management, funding, people, health and safety and so many other things.
My responsibility is now for my family, perhaps myself and to where God is calling me and willing me to be - working with or in the Church in some form of ministry. God is Great.
Saturday, 27 February 2010
Illness
My spouse is unwell and waiting for urgent surgery. This is the second episode in 10 years, last time was difficult and dangerous for her - and I was really upset and worried for her. of course, I did not have faith at that time - and relied on my own strength to get through it. And we survived and she recovered.
This time around I have real confidence that she will be ok, she has been prayed for by so many, that I am devoid of how to say some myself. I know about vulnerability, I have fallen foul of it in the past - I need to be strong and remain positive - it can be hard, when someone you love so desperately much, faces more pain and suffering. The BCP Prayer for the sick seem appropriate.
O God of heavenly powers, by the might of your command you drive away from our bodies all sickness and all infirmity: Be present in your goodness with your servant J., that her weakness may be banished and her strength restored; and that, her health being renewed, she may bless your holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
This time around I have real confidence that she will be ok, she has been prayed for by so many, that I am devoid of how to say some myself. I know about vulnerability, I have fallen foul of it in the past - I need to be strong and remain positive - it can be hard, when someone you love so desperately much, faces more pain and suffering. The BCP Prayer for the sick seem appropriate.
O God of heavenly powers, by the might of your command you drive away from our bodies all sickness and all infirmity: Be present in your goodness with your servant J., that her weakness may be banished and her strength restored; and that, her health being renewed, she may bless your holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The Past
I have just received records of my time in Care when a young child. I have felt the need to close a gap in memory and knowledge for what, why and how it happened. The need is two fold, in connection with possible discernment for ministry, but also to understand where I came from and where I am now. Joining up the dots of a life line where there is bit of a gap.
I had anticipated just browsing the file, and making notes, without to much fuss. However, it is not so easy - drawing back the curtain and letting light into dark places (I was between 10 months to 10 years old during the this period.)
I read some things, which I have no memory of concerning my parents, their life after their marriage and subsequent marriage breakdown. Things, which I had an inkling of, from things my father said - but there is nothing like seeing it in black and white, starkly laying out events, dates, times, places, meticiously recorded.
I am still assimilating this data - I know that I will need to revisit it to fully understand it - but worry whether I will be able to cope with the upset it might cause me and perhaps to others. Although I am inclined to put it away and forget it - but it will not let me.
God is working here - this is a time for healing and working through issues, unspoken or even unthought of for many years - I think that Spiritual Direction will have a bearing on how this goes, and I will be off to it quite soon.
I had anticipated just browsing the file, and making notes, without to much fuss. However, it is not so easy - drawing back the curtain and letting light into dark places (I was between 10 months to 10 years old during the this period.)
I read some things, which I have no memory of concerning my parents, their life after their marriage and subsequent marriage breakdown. Things, which I had an inkling of, from things my father said - but there is nothing like seeing it in black and white, starkly laying out events, dates, times, places, meticiously recorded.
I am still assimilating this data - I know that I will need to revisit it to fully understand it - but worry whether I will be able to cope with the upset it might cause me and perhaps to others. Although I am inclined to put it away and forget it - but it will not let me.
God is working here - this is a time for healing and working through issues, unspoken or even unthought of for many years - I think that Spiritual Direction will have a bearing on how this goes, and I will be off to it quite soon.
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Temptations
I am doing intercessions tomorrow at Holy Communion, and while thinking about the prayers which will be themed with the Gospel of Jesus during his 40 days of prayer in the wilderness, being tempted by the Devil and refuting all with the words of scripture.
If only we could refute or turn away temptations, by using the word of God! Part of our humanity is the free will to make choices - and things in life can tempt us in so many ways, whether deliberately, accidentally during waking hours or even while asleep (who knows where the dreams come from which tempt you?). Evil exists and attacks wherever it can.
The choice is simple, yet extremely hard. We can give in to temptation, and turn our face away from God, or we can resist it and remain steadfast as urged by St Paul (Hard choices, but simple and perhaps in black and white) - but what about the other temptations, the temptation to be judgmental, to ignore injustice, poverty, what is happening in our work lives, what is happening in our church, what is happening in our communities? Surely these are worse errors than perhaps the occasional uttering of a swear word?
It is an easy choice to look away, to ignore things, to tell yourself that it has nothing to do with you! But when conscience steps in, nagging and prompting, we know that we have not been true to ourselves and what God wishes us to be - this is where repentance and recompense is needed to put things right.
When I look back over my life, I know that these errors have featured, more often than not, as taking the easy way out, and refusing to acknowledge that it was my responsibility to do something. As it is up to all of us to take responsibility for both our own actions and as communities for each other - when this happens we might have a nearly perfect world.
So my intercessions tomorrow will be asking for us as individuals and as communities to take responsibility and to keep ahead of what is going on, and doing what we can through prayer, practical, financial and material support to try in small ways to make things better.
If only we could refute or turn away temptations, by using the word of God! Part of our humanity is the free will to make choices - and things in life can tempt us in so many ways, whether deliberately, accidentally during waking hours or even while asleep (who knows where the dreams come from which tempt you?). Evil exists and attacks wherever it can.
The choice is simple, yet extremely hard. We can give in to temptation, and turn our face away from God, or we can resist it and remain steadfast as urged by St Paul (Hard choices, but simple and perhaps in black and white) - but what about the other temptations, the temptation to be judgmental, to ignore injustice, poverty, what is happening in our work lives, what is happening in our church, what is happening in our communities? Surely these are worse errors than perhaps the occasional uttering of a swear word?
It is an easy choice to look away, to ignore things, to tell yourself that it has nothing to do with you! But when conscience steps in, nagging and prompting, we know that we have not been true to ourselves and what God wishes us to be - this is where repentance and recompense is needed to put things right.
When I look back over my life, I know that these errors have featured, more often than not, as taking the easy way out, and refusing to acknowledge that it was my responsibility to do something. As it is up to all of us to take responsibility for both our own actions and as communities for each other - when this happens we might have a nearly perfect world.
So my intercessions tomorrow will be asking for us as individuals and as communities to take responsibility and to keep ahead of what is going on, and doing what we can through prayer, practical, financial and material support to try in small ways to make things better.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Ash Wednesday and Repentance
Ash Wednesday the second since my return to faith. Last year I was so excited and full of anticipation about the Lent period and the lead up to the events at Easter. Perhaps my excitement overcame for me the true purpose of Lent, which is a period of repentance and of reflection and preparation for marking the Death and Glorious Resurrection of Jesus Christ.
One year on - as I have posted previously, I have had a much more mature insight into my faith, how it has grown and how just making a general confession during worship seemed to me to not be enough.
I was able to go to Confession this week - to bring forward all of those things, which although I felt had been forgiven to lay them before Jesus Christ and to receive absolution. To say that if felt as if a black cloud, which I had not really acknowledged before, was lifted from me, would be an understatement. It was a very emotional thing, and profoundly moving.
Only now can I say the words of the prayer of Humble Access feeling cleansed and asking the Holy Spirit to fill me.
Almighty God
unto whom all hearts be open,
all desires known,
and from whom no secrets are hid,
cleanse the thoughts of our hearts,
by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love thee,
and worthily magnify they holy name,
through Christ our Lord,
Amen
One year on - as I have posted previously, I have had a much more mature insight into my faith, how it has grown and how just making a general confession during worship seemed to me to not be enough.
I was able to go to Confession this week - to bring forward all of those things, which although I felt had been forgiven to lay them before Jesus Christ and to receive absolution. To say that if felt as if a black cloud, which I had not really acknowledged before, was lifted from me, would be an understatement. It was a very emotional thing, and profoundly moving.
Only now can I say the words of the prayer of Humble Access feeling cleansed and asking the Holy Spirit to fill me.
Almighty God
unto whom all hearts be open,
all desires known,
and from whom no secrets are hid,
cleanse the thoughts of our hearts,
by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love thee,
and worthily magnify they holy name,
through Christ our Lord,
Amen
Friday, 12 February 2010
Inclusive, NOT Exclusive
I am heartened by the decision of the General Synod to give equal pension rights to Partners of Clergy in a Civil Partnership. I have read that "The Holy Spirit was working here" and I would agree with that comment.
The Church has for to long procrastinated about issues of Inclusion of all, who are God's people, who are all created in his image. Hiding behind Scripture to disguise prejudice and being judgemental, when Jesus himself said that "He will be the Judge".
This not only applies to Gender and Sexual matters, it applies to every one from any race, social position, class distinction or religious belief. All deserve to be treated as truly equal and to be given the dignity and respect for their humanity and likeness to Christ, which they personify by their 'being'.
I am not an academic and do not have deep biblical knowledge, but having lived for 60 years sometimes in God's good grace, but possibly, the majority without it, I have learned that how we treat others (love thy neighbour the second most important commandment) will certainly be part of our accountability in the next life.
The Church is slowly moving towards the recoginition that it can no longer afford to exist in a cocoon - but to take the 'word' out in mission to love and greet all as their brothers and sisters in Christ.
God is Great
The Church has for to long procrastinated about issues of Inclusion of all, who are God's people, who are all created in his image. Hiding behind Scripture to disguise prejudice and being judgemental, when Jesus himself said that "He will be the Judge".
This not only applies to Gender and Sexual matters, it applies to every one from any race, social position, class distinction or religious belief. All deserve to be treated as truly equal and to be given the dignity and respect for their humanity and likeness to Christ, which they personify by their 'being'.
I am not an academic and do not have deep biblical knowledge, but having lived for 60 years sometimes in God's good grace, but possibly, the majority without it, I have learned that how we treat others (love thy neighbour the second most important commandment) will certainly be part of our accountability in the next life.
The Church is slowly moving towards the recoginition that it can no longer afford to exist in a cocoon - but to take the 'word' out in mission to love and greet all as their brothers and sisters in Christ.
God is Great
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