Advent Calendar
Just a link to the Advent Calendar going live tomorrow
Saturday, 28 November 2009
Friday, 10 July 2009
Family Service
lI attended a Family Service last weekend, which was the first in my Parish for me and the first in any church in my journey, since it re-commenced within the church last year.
I had been urged to attend by my Vicar who is mentoring me in preperation to test a vocation, and went along with no hopes or expectations of being involved, but rather as a spectator.
I was most surprised to attend a service led by Lay Ministers, which was actually family oriented and involved the Children in acting out the Gospel of the day, and providing the opportunity for them to interact with adults as we acted out our part in the drama being unveiled.
It was prayerful, but also jolly and fun, and eye opening for my fairly narrow perspective on worship and how it could be so positive and joyful. I will certainly be attending more in the future as I believe it has much to offer and is one sign of God working in a situation which allows 'All Age Worship' to be part of a church community, which is established and formed with a varied age grouping.
I commend it to anyone who thinks that it is just for the kids.
I had been urged to attend by my Vicar who is mentoring me in preperation to test a vocation, and went along with no hopes or expectations of being involved, but rather as a spectator.
I was most surprised to attend a service led by Lay Ministers, which was actually family oriented and involved the Children in acting out the Gospel of the day, and providing the opportunity for them to interact with adults as we acted out our part in the drama being unveiled.
It was prayerful, but also jolly and fun, and eye opening for my fairly narrow perspective on worship and how it could be so positive and joyful. I will certainly be attending more in the future as I believe it has much to offer and is one sign of God working in a situation which allows 'All Age Worship' to be part of a church community, which is established and formed with a varied age grouping.
I commend it to anyone who thinks that it is just for the kids.
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Reading Books
I am doing a fair amount of reading at the moment, having got a fairly extensive reading list as part of my testing a vocation. Reading seems to be a practical exercise, but to take in the content of a book, to put it into context and to reflect on others read in the same context, takes time and discipline.
I had read about five, before I understood that I needed to make a synopsis of what I had read, what I had taken from it and perhaps things in the reading, which had moved me forward or were relevant to my situation. Of course, this now requires me to return to them and complete the exercise.
I also try to find time in a busy life to read the bible as part of a daily prayer cycle, and of course, finding my understanding of it to be enhanced and helped by other books, which explain or comment on the bible passages.
This is a maze of learning, which at the moment, I am finding it difficult to cope with, but things get easier as I get more disciplined.
The lesson for me from this is that being equipped for a vocation, if that is God's will, is not that he will hand me the tools on a plate, rather that he will point out the direction and I will follow and work to obtain the skills needed. Another small realisation, that nothing is given, rather Gods gift to us of an ability to think and reason is there for his purpose, not ours.
I had read about five, before I understood that I needed to make a synopsis of what I had read, what I had taken from it and perhaps things in the reading, which had moved me forward or were relevant to my situation. Of course, this now requires me to return to them and complete the exercise.
I also try to find time in a busy life to read the bible as part of a daily prayer cycle, and of course, finding my understanding of it to be enhanced and helped by other books, which explain or comment on the bible passages.
This is a maze of learning, which at the moment, I am finding it difficult to cope with, but things get easier as I get more disciplined.
The lesson for me from this is that being equipped for a vocation, if that is God's will, is not that he will hand me the tools on a plate, rather that he will point out the direction and I will follow and work to obtain the skills needed. Another small realisation, that nothing is given, rather Gods gift to us of an ability to think and reason is there for his purpose, not ours.
Monday, 15 June 2009
How to Cope
One thing that I have learned over 43 years of military service is coping strategies. Having lived in different countries and cultures with language barriers, you learn to develop these early.
I understand myself to be a reasonably efficient person, with the ability to work well with and manage others. I am also a reasonable manager, or I would not have got to the position of responsibility that I now hold (but am about to relinquish).
I have coped with personal trauma, real trauma and death, complex situations, some during operational deployment, or training for them (albeit, none in recent years). I have always been able to cope.
In the last 12 months, I stepped onto a roller coaster. The roller coaster in question, was a faith journey, which has spun on dramatically escalating from a twinge, an idea, a confirmation that there was a God and that he wanted me back, to joining a Christian Congregation, being confirmed and now testing a vocation. Why have I not coped particularly well with this?
Perhaps it is the total unpredictability of it - perhaps it is God's will to keep me on a hook, perhaps it is just my human inability to see and discern what is going on inside and outside myself. I just don't cope - I go from day to day, with a prayer, with joyous occasions, with new enlightenment coming from small things, people, events, pictures, reading, viewing and participation on the internet in church and research. I am struggling to balance everything and to cope. I don't get time to think before something else comes along to disturb the peace, with I believe that I have got to.
What I do know, is the excitement, the longing, the constant nagging inside saying to me, I am here, this is the way, just follow, be patient, keep seeking, keep your eyes open, be alert, welcome all, and crucially, I feel that the love that is God's presence in my life.
Wow, perhaps I am coping after all.
I understand myself to be a reasonably efficient person, with the ability to work well with and manage others. I am also a reasonable manager, or I would not have got to the position of responsibility that I now hold (but am about to relinquish).
I have coped with personal trauma, real trauma and death, complex situations, some during operational deployment, or training for them (albeit, none in recent years). I have always been able to cope.
In the last 12 months, I stepped onto a roller coaster. The roller coaster in question, was a faith journey, which has spun on dramatically escalating from a twinge, an idea, a confirmation that there was a God and that he wanted me back, to joining a Christian Congregation, being confirmed and now testing a vocation. Why have I not coped particularly well with this?
Perhaps it is the total unpredictability of it - perhaps it is God's will to keep me on a hook, perhaps it is just my human inability to see and discern what is going on inside and outside myself. I just don't cope - I go from day to day, with a prayer, with joyous occasions, with new enlightenment coming from small things, people, events, pictures, reading, viewing and participation on the internet in church and research. I am struggling to balance everything and to cope. I don't get time to think before something else comes along to disturb the peace, with I believe that I have got to.
What I do know, is the excitement, the longing, the constant nagging inside saying to me, I am here, this is the way, just follow, be patient, keep seeking, keep your eyes open, be alert, welcome all, and crucially, I feel that the love that is God's presence in my life.
Wow, perhaps I am coping after all.
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Introspection
Yesterday evening during a going away function for me, two things happened that caused me to stop and to take stock.
In the first, my Parish Priest gave a precis of a case that we were both involved with providing Pastoral Care for a family which had suffered a traumatic bereavement. He praised the care, compassion and competence that I had shown. To me, this covered the inner truth, that at the time I had been hanging on by my fingertips. Swamped and overloaded with others feelings and emotions, I had let their grief have an impact on me, I shared their loss and felt totally inadequate, ill equipped and uprepared for the situation. I was spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. I liken it to seeing a duck swimming serenely across a pond, while underneath, the legs are working furiously to propel it through the water. As a direct result of this experience, I found God coming back into my life.
Later on, a presentation of a Bible to me, highlighted to me how much had changed in me, and in what others had seen in me since the experience. I had openly acknowledged my return to faith and had discussed it openly with other staff and colleagues. This had been received if initially with a little scepticism, latterly with support and encouragement. From being a total agnostic about faith and belief, I had changed sufficiently in their view, to make the presentation of choice, a Bible.
All of this among a function, filled with laughter and fun, with food and drink, reminiscences of times past and happy working relationships. It felt strange - presenting a front of thanks giving for their kindness, married with inner turmoil.
It has highlighted to me how vulnerable I remain to flash backs and how things that you believe you have got over, can retain a hold on you to return - I need to reflect on this a little and come back when I feel a little better about it.
In the first, my Parish Priest gave a precis of a case that we were both involved with providing Pastoral Care for a family which had suffered a traumatic bereavement. He praised the care, compassion and competence that I had shown. To me, this covered the inner truth, that at the time I had been hanging on by my fingertips. Swamped and overloaded with others feelings and emotions, I had let their grief have an impact on me, I shared their loss and felt totally inadequate, ill equipped and uprepared for the situation. I was spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. I liken it to seeing a duck swimming serenely across a pond, while underneath, the legs are working furiously to propel it through the water. As a direct result of this experience, I found God coming back into my life.
Later on, a presentation of a Bible to me, highlighted to me how much had changed in me, and in what others had seen in me since the experience. I had openly acknowledged my return to faith and had discussed it openly with other staff and colleagues. This had been received if initially with a little scepticism, latterly with support and encouragement. From being a total agnostic about faith and belief, I had changed sufficiently in their view, to make the presentation of choice, a Bible.
All of this among a function, filled with laughter and fun, with food and drink, reminiscences of times past and happy working relationships. It felt strange - presenting a front of thanks giving for their kindness, married with inner turmoil.
It has highlighted to me how vulnerable I remain to flash backs and how things that you believe you have got over, can retain a hold on you to return - I need to reflect on this a little and come back when I feel a little better about it.
Saturday, 13 June 2009
Reflection on Vocation
I am testing a Vocation to Ordained Ministry. I have been struggling to understand the call I feel for some months. I have felt drawn to the Permanent Diocanate - which appears to have a context and direction, serving God's people in a number of ways, which Parish Ministry while one option for Ministry may not be what I am called to.
I have listened carefully to how I feel, what is being said to me, both in my Prayers, reflections and quiet times - and when sharing my feelings and thoughts with others. All that I have heard shows that the call can be live - it can change - it can grow - it can shrink - but once felt and heard will not go away.
The process of discernment is underway - I am in preparation with my Vicar as there is so much I need to do, to learn, to grow in knowledge and understanding, it is daunting and a little frightening.
How will I cope, when I struggle now - at the early stages, at the start. I pray for the strength and grace to move forward and I know that others sharing my journey pray for my Vocation as well - but still I doubt myself, I doubt my worthiness. I have confidence that if I stay on track God will provide - but my human weakness is there all of the time - How do I overcome it?
I am now seeking Spiritual Direction which I pray will allow me to resolve some of these issues and to move forward to follow where God is leading me.
I have listened carefully to how I feel, what is being said to me, both in my Prayers, reflections and quiet times - and when sharing my feelings and thoughts with others. All that I have heard shows that the call can be live - it can change - it can grow - it can shrink - but once felt and heard will not go away.
The process of discernment is underway - I am in preparation with my Vicar as there is so much I need to do, to learn, to grow in knowledge and understanding, it is daunting and a little frightening.
How will I cope, when I struggle now - at the early stages, at the start. I pray for the strength and grace to move forward and I know that others sharing my journey pray for my Vocation as well - but still I doubt myself, I doubt my worthiness. I have confidence that if I stay on track God will provide - but my human weakness is there all of the time - How do I overcome it?
I am now seeking Spiritual Direction which I pray will allow me to resolve some of these issues and to move forward to follow where God is leading me.
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Trinity Sunday
I went to my parish for Holy Communion today, in the BCP format. The service was at an Saxon church, one of five in the Benefice. It is a beautiful church, with traditional services with the Priest wearing vestments.
The BCP service is a peaceful one, with no music, and all prayers said. The sermon from the Vicar concerned the Trinity and our understanding and interaction with God in the trinity and gave me certainly food for thought. For myself, I view the Trinity as One God, with three persons, each of whom is wholly God.
A particular aspect which had not struck me before, was that the Holy Spirit which descended on the Disciples, lives as the light of God in each of us. This picture was drawn for us by the Vicar and made me certainly feel even more the power of the Holy Spirit among us.
I continue to feel great awe and joy at my finding faith last year, and the strong and persistent call to do more, to take it further and to test a vocation.
The BCP service is a peaceful one, with no music, and all prayers said. The sermon from the Vicar concerned the Trinity and our understanding and interaction with God in the trinity and gave me certainly food for thought. For myself, I view the Trinity as One God, with three persons, each of whom is wholly God.
A particular aspect which had not struck me before, was that the Holy Spirit which descended on the Disciples, lives as the light of God in each of us. This picture was drawn for us by the Vicar and made me certainly feel even more the power of the Holy Spirit among us.
I continue to feel great awe and joy at my finding faith last year, and the strong and persistent call to do more, to take it further and to test a vocation.
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