Called to What?

This was originally posted at the Big Bible Project

http://bigbible.org.uk/2011/12/called-to-what-minidvr/#.TunhbLIr27t

DECEMBER 10, 2011 BY ERNIE FEASEY LEAVE A COMMENT

I’ve been exploring a [1]vocation within the Church of England for a little over two years.  The exploration has been a journey of ups and downs, but mainly ups.  The process described as ‘discernment’ is for the church to discern an individual’s vocation (or call) to ministry, to select and to train and form the individual for their future ministry.  The system is national, with local variations, diocese by diocese.  The process appears convuluted and can be prolonged, but at the end of it, you hope that your call will be discerned and that you will go forward for training for the type of ministry you feel called too.

While I have my own blog[2], I have been excited and envigorated by the Big Bible and digidisciple concepts, in particular the digidisciple blog posts, some from people who I know, or enjoy online relationships with, and others who I don’t know, but want to very soon.  The concept seems to me to be very enabling and particpatory, which has been very much my experience in the vocations journey so far.

So, why write another blog?  I thought that I might write on how I feel about the terminology of the discernment process and how in other contexts words, phrases or terms used relate  speak to me of other things or places in my life, which might point to something different..

I come from a military background, my original ‘call to serve’ was as a soldier.  The first word I’m thinking about is ‘call’! In military terms you might use it to describe a summons to duty, the one perhaps familiar to most people would be the bugle calls ‘Reveille and Last Post’. It is also a call to war.  I’m reminded of of the Poem by Robert Willian Service[3], written from France in August 1914, just after the start of the Great War of 1914-1919.

The Call:

Far and near, high and clear,
Hark to the call of War!
Over the gorse and the golden dells,
Ringing and swinging of clamorous bells,
Praying and saying of wild farewells:
War! War! War!

High and low, all must go:
Hark to the shout of War!
Leave to the women the harvest yield;
Gird ye, men, for the sinister field;
A sabre instead of a scythe to wield:
War! Red War!

Rich and poor, lord and boor,
Hark to the blast of War!
Tinker and tailor and millionaire,
Actor in triumph and priest in prayer,
Comrades now in the hell out there,
Sweep to the fire of War!
Prince and page, sot and sage,
Hark to the roar of War!
Poet,  professor and circus clown,
Chimney-sweeper and fop o’ the town,
Into the pot and be melted down:
Into the pot of War!

Women all, hear the call,
The pitiless call of War!
Look your last on your dearest ones,
Brothers and husbands, fathers, sons:
Swift they go to the ravenous guns,
The gluttonous guns of War.

Everywhere thrill the air
The maniac bells of War.
There will be little of sleeping to-night;
There will be wailing and weeping to-night;
Death’s red sickle is reaping to-night:
War! War! War!

http://media.photobucket.com/image/jesus%20gun/elite_17/jesus-machine-gun.jpg?o=10

Service wasn’t against military service itself.   He enlisted, at age 41,  despite being unfit, before being discharged. He later served as a war correspondent and as a stretcher bearer and ambulance driver with the American Red Cross. Reading this poem, it seems to me to have been prothetic, given that it was written at an early stage of the war, before some of the great war poetry was written by the likes of Rupert Brook[4], Wilfred Owen[5], and Siegfried Sasoon[6].

Why does this speak to me?

Having spent the greater part of my adult life in uniform, several tours of which were active service. Not in today’s context, but the no less dangerous environment of Northern Ireland.    Somewhere along the line, perhaps in the last two years of service, the call to serve in the vocation of military got lost somewhere.  I’m still trying to work out whether it was conscience or disilluison or just plain fatigue?  But somehow, sending more and more young men off to pointless wars seemed illogical and in the case of the second Iraq War, illegal.  We seemed to have gone to war purely on a fabrication of the existence of Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not ashamed of my service. I am proud to have served. I remain enormously proud of our armed services and the job that they are doing, and will continue to do.   I just know that I have somehow become a pacifist.

I became a Christian fairly late in this process, which I’m sure had some impact on my thought process. It was the start of a process of transformation which led to where I am now. With a new ‘call to serve’ but God, not war.  It’s started, where will it take me next?

---

[1]^{http://www.churchofengland.org/clergy-office-holders/ministry/vocation.aspx}

[2]^{http://ukviewer.blogspot.com/}

[3]^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_W._Service}

[4]^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rupert_Brooke}

[5]^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilfred_Owen}

[6]^{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siegfried_Sassoon}

Called to What?

I've become involved in the Big Bible Project.

My first post there is available here 

I'll be continuing this blog as well. Next post in a couple of days.

Christian New Media Conference #cmac11

I attended #cnmac11 at City University last Saturday, it was the second time I had been, the first being #cnmac10.  Others have blogged elsewhere much better than I can, but, having had time to reflect upon the conference, I considered it in terms of vocation.

What did I get from this conference and what does it say to me about Ordained Ministry?

First, it was a magnificent community event. 300 like minded people joining together to seek the Spirit’s guidance and wisdom in how we can use social (New) media to engage with people online and off line. The atmosphere was electric, joyful and full of good nature and humour. I was able to meet new online friends, off line and to know that our online relationships, transfer with ease to off line.

Second, the content of the conference was challenging and wide ranging. Last time I went to mainly theological type presentations, this year I was looking for more practical, ‘matter of fact’ presentations from acknowledged ‘digidisciples’ who I have come to know and to interact with online, to enhance my understanding of the more practical aspects of NM. I sense that next time I would look towards the more technical ‘geeky’ aspects of NM.

Third, a large number of the participants both presenters and participants were in Ordained or Lay ministries within their respective denominations, a mix of  a high proportion of Anglican/Methodist, but with lots more from Baptist and Free churches. Each one I spoke to or interacted with had a story to share and imbued all that they did with a clear and refreshing perspective of ‘why they were here - and what they were about’, God’s business. 

 Conclusion.  From my perspective it was both encouraging and invigorating to be among them, able to communicate in their language, but also to feel affirmed that my input was as valued as theirs. The word I would use is ‘welcoming’ which seems to me to be a large part of  Ministry. The listening, accepting, welcoming of the new, while respecting and holding it in tension with the traditional and cultural aspects of our faith and belief and seeing where they fit together to pass on the good news.

Death of an Uncle

My sole remaining Uncle has just died, sadly, in a hospital after a fall, from which he suffered a broken hip, further complications weakened him so much he did not respond to treatment. He passed away alone at 0130 hrs, which I’m told is a common time for those near death to surrender to it. It seems to me that God has taken him into his loving arms to take away his suffering. The night before, when his partner visited, he had managed to summon the strengh to take and to squeeze her hand. Which she is now believing him to have used to say good bye.

I’m still in a little shock. While not unexpected, he had been unwell for the past couple of years and was waitng for transfer from hospital to a care home, something he was unhappy about, as he only wanted to be allowed to go home to die.

He had been a vibrant, fully alive and with all his faculties until very recently, when Dementia had reduced his ability to communicate. But he would come alive when members of his family or his partner Margaret visited and particularly when talking about his life and Army service in the last war.

I was incredibly proud of him, he was a true hero, in the quiet, unassuming way that he described his experiences of fighting with his Battalion in the Alamein campaigns. Being taken prisoner, his transportation to Italy and escaping by jumping of a moving train taking him to a POW camp. He ended up fighting with the Italian Partisans for nearly a year before recapture. He suffered ill-treatment at the hands of his captors, before being taken to be held in a POW camp in Poland. He endured the long march of prisoners forced to march back into Germany in the face of Russian advances until liberated by the Americans. He continued in the Army (he was a Regular), but remained haunted by the over 800 casualties from his Battalion, during WW2. He spoke about them with sadness and seemed to miss so many of them.

 As a person, he was a nominal Christian, but had felt very much estranged from God. He said to me once that he couldn’t see how a God would entertain him who had seen so many bad things, and who had killed people. He believed he was lost and seemed resigned to the fact. I’m not sure whether he actually had be able to reconcile this before his death, I sincerely hope that he did.

May Perpetual Light shine upon him,
May he rest in peace,
And Rise in Glory
Amen

Kings Badge of the Durham Light Infantry from http://www.northeastmedals.co.uk/british_regiment/durham_light_infantry.htm

In Sickness and in Health

I'm was spurred on this morning to write a post about the Wedding Vows we took, particularly 'In Sickness and in Health' those promises which can sound so pat on the day, but bear so much meaning when a Christian marriage is blessed with spouses who whole heartedly take on the promises unstintingly, and give whole heartedly of themselves to each other. I've been sick since Sunday evening, with a particularly nasty and virulent virus, which left me totally helpless to look after myself. It involved continuous nausea and diarrheoa over a 48 hour period, where stuff erupted from every orifice, even through my nose, giving me real worry about being able to breathe at times. More worrying was a stabbing pain across my chest, which gave rise to worries about heart trouble. But checking that out, the heart was working normally, it was just a severe increase in stomach acid coming into the windpipe and throat causing severe heartburn. I've never been the best of patients, I hate being unwell, as in my selfishness, I want to get on with things and just be and do whatever I feel necessary. On this occasion, I was to weak and giddy, just standing was an effort, accompanied by real giddiness which make me reel and have to hold onto things to take a few steps. Climbing the stairs to bed was out of the question, so I spent three nights on the coach, able to make a speedy exit to the facilities when necessary. Accompanying me on this journey, has been Jen, my beloved spouse. I've nursed her when she has been ill and after several major operations in recent years, but in reality, I've been fortunate in having fairly robust health for most of our marriage, so she found nursing an invalid, especially a cranky one, something out of the usual. I can only say, how wonderful she has been. She has been loving, patient, supportive, encouraging, nurturing and everything that the marriage promises seem to describe. In sickness and in Health, say that whatever happens, whatever state you get into, your spouse will be there, suffering with you, but doing their best to make things better. I know that it takes a special type of grace to look after the sick and disabled, and even more when it is someone you love dearly, and the thing that comes across from this experience over the three days, has been the strength or her love for me has been demonstrated to me in spades. Jen has cleaned up after me, has washed me, cuddled me and rushed around between work, the doctors and chemist to get the necessary medication. She has made up a bed for me on the coach and has even encouraged the cats to come and say hi, as I felt totally unable to make it to them. Jen has been my tower of strength, and today is our 24 th anniversary. I've not been able to buy her a card, get her flowers or chocolate and our planned celebratory dinner out tonight has had to be postponed. Her resilience in the face of the selfish, self-pitying person I became at the worst of the illness, is saint-like. And a Saint she is. From my perspective, it reinforces the commitment that we make to each other in marriage. These days, its all to easy to turn your face away from a difficulty, to be critical of someone suffering, to ignore it and to tell them to pull themselves together. In marriage, the shared life together puts aside all such selfishness. It means sharing all and everything, no secrets. A whole hearted commitment to a partnership made by God, who I am sure brought us together all of those years ago. One that's for life, wherever it takes you. I thank God for his blessings on our marriage and for Jen, whose love is so strong, and for my love for her. God be praised.

Latest DDO Meeting

The meeting last Monday, went very well. The DDO was on excellent form, dressed in summer shorts, T-shirt and trainers - so un-clerical, that he was ultra relaxed.

We discussed the Essays I had written, particularly one I had written about the Riots and we discussed the situation and the role of the church and some of the inspiring things that I had read about and even blogged about. This was an opportunity to discuss an Essay-blog written by The Rev Hayley Matthews, a priest who had been caught up in the Salford Riots and had stayed throughout just ‘being’. How inspirational I had found her story, which tied in very much with another aspect of Ordained Ministry. We spoke in some detail about my reflection on the riots and how the media, police and politicians were dealing with it, and in particular some of the biased, short-sighted suggestions being made. It was interesting to reflect on how, it had come through in his own sermon from the OT, Epistle and Gospel readings last Sunday.

We moved on to discuss the details of Selection, Initial Ministry Training and Continuing Ministry Education post ordination. Particularly the links in with the development of Common Tenure and how it was the same for both stipendiary and self-supporting ministry, albeit, curacy's were slightly different, one full time, one part-time. 

This was an engaging conversation as I felt that my knowledge of the training system was incomplete, and I had read some commentary on the internet challenging the churches leadership preparation and training for senior appointments. He gave me a detailed explanation of the system, how it has changed over time and how the new system, linked to common tenure was bringing the church belatedly, into the 21st Century in terms of Human Resource practices. He gave me a copy of the CME training criteria and explained the portfolio approach to it. A curate is required to complete all parts over the curacy which goes to the bishop towards the end of curacy to enable a decision, along with other reports, on future ministry deployment for the curate. It all made sense when I understood it.

I really felt affirmed. I know that I had visibly learned and grown during our discussiona. It was lively, two-way repartee. I continue to be impressed with the DDO’s determination to do the best for all potential ordinand's and to ensure that the church discerns a call to ministry fully and directs that call into the correct path.

It's clear that the meeting with the bishop next month is crucial. We have not organised a formal appointment, for next month, as the DDO is on holiday.   We will see the bishop's recommendation, if satisfactory,  he will book me onto a diocesan panel, probably in November and we will meet again in October.

 I had been to church earlier and said Morning Prayer aloud in an empty church.  I felt relaxed, prepared and just at peace. This feeling continues and I'm grateful to the DDO who, enables, encourages and supports my journey. I discovered that he's actually got 25 people in the system at various stages so, the fact that he gives me so much time is a blessing.

God be praised.

Hackney Riots

I come originally from Bethnal Green/Hackney. I lived just down the road from where the riots took place yesterday. It was a deprived childhood, and lots of other things contributed to me leaving to join the Army and never to return in the mid-1960’s.

In the 1980’s and early 1990’s, working in London,   I worked with Hackney Council and their Schools on providing Work Experience Schemes for pupils, who came from a wide variety of cultures and backgrounds,  all of whom, I  found eager to learn and to participate. Some went onto further education, while for others, in the main, from ethnic minorities, didn’t really have the option. I can remember one young Muslim girl, who came for interview with her mother, and anticipated her mother chapheroning her during the two week placement. This would have been impossible to manage, and we reluctantly had to decline the placement. After these placements, we would visit the schools to see the pupils reporting on their placements and their achievements during their time with us. I know that these young people contributed as much to us as we did to their education. So, I have a bias towards the young people, living in sometimes high deprivation, but who were determined to make the best of themselves for thier own sake and for their families.

More recently,  I’ve travelled regularly through Hackney, it has changed hugely, both with a much more diverse population, but also to the community facilities that exist there. The local authority, once a bye word for poor administration, has improved greatly and has striven to improve the area for its people. Some parts of the area has moved upmarket, evidenced by the high numbers of professionals moving into the area. Sadly, other parts, particularly the numerous social housing estates while improved, continue to suffer a high level of deprivation. Monied, city professionals, live, side by side with these estates of social housing, whose occupants, appear to derive little from their environment. Poverty, and unemployment are as bad, if not worse than it was in my young days there in the 1960′s.

The quality of the social housing is slowly being improved, but Hackney is a poor borough and does not appear to have received much regeneration money, most of which appears to have gone east to Stratford, Bow and Waltham Forest. Social evils include the high level of unemployment (about 35% of those between 18 and 65, mainly with the young), poor access to higher education NHS and Social services. Deprivation is a way of life. There is also the other social evils, drug abuse, gang violence and crime. Hackney struggles to overcome its history and to do better for its people.

I know that there are good community agencies, Churches and  charities doing good work in the Borough. Diana Abbott a local MP is a powerful advocate for the people of Hackney, but I wonder if anyone listens to her. These agencies even in partnership are just touching the tip of the iceberg of need in the borough.

The East End, including Hackney, has always been a melting pot, and it’s no different today. Local population use probably as many languages as are on the planet. Normally, they live side by side with no problems, but there is a high awareness of the police and stop and search is an issue for younger people. I understand that it was such an action was the spark that lit the tinder, ready primed to explode. I suspect that there is a an element of criminal activity, gang activity involved, but the scene was already set by what had happened in Tottenham the night before. I’m not sure about pre-planning or the use of social networking to spread the trouble but, given the high access and use of it by the younger generation, I’m sure it was used in some way to spread the word.

I’m not condoning in any way, what happened, those who carried out the violence, looting and everything else that happened, bear their own responsibility. But, in our safe havens, in suburbia, the realities of life in an inner-city borough are often ignored until they slap us in the face. We’ve allowed a monster to be created by our own inaction, our own inability to see further than our own bank balances and mortgages and self interest. We’ve ignored the needs for social justice and providing for those who are penalised by their post code. Now the monster is biting back.

When the dust settles, when the trials are over, when the Inquiry reports, when we’ve moved onto the next headline, the situation there will remain essentially unchanged, volatile, just waiting for the next spark. We need to catch ourselves on and act now, to prevent much worse in the future. I find it a disgrace, that one fo the richest countries in the world, allows people to exist on subsistence levels, in inadequate circumstances, without hope and without the means to move on in their lives. Condemned , discarded and forgotten.

I believe that it’s time for a National debate, where listening to the needs and aspirations of the people, particularly the young is essential. We need to provide the resources and incentives to allow them to see that they are valued and that they can do better for themselves by accessing higher education or vocational training, particularly in new technology, where the demand for their labour would be higher than the more traditional employment models. Most of all, we need to trust them and show it to do things for themselves, by empowering and encouraging their communities to work together to improve their environment. Hopeful signs are already there, in the cleanup campaigns, spontaneous giving and donations activated across communities. This could and should be developed to wider benefit in Hackney.