I attended a vocation day last weekend. The day it self was well organised and contained some really wonderful testimonies from people in forms of ministry on their journey and arriving where they are now.
The Ordained candidate was particularly inspirational in retelling his story as a series of post cards giving snapshots of his journey from Infant Sunday School, through unbelief and a virtual lifetime without God, until prompted by his children attending Sunday School, he discovered God and Christianity and later a vocation. A remarkable journey indeed. With God working throughout and only being acknowledged in Early middle age.
Considering where I am at the moment, waiting for an interview with a DDO, I actually got some direct feedback at the state of the Ordination Process in the Church at the moment, which if delivered in a different manner, might have been considered a discouragement towards offering for Ordained Ministry.
The path to Ordained Ministry is pretty well mapped out in the Ministry Division documentation, but the reality is that the Bishop makes the policy for their diocese and it is variable and each Bishop will have their own ideas and view on the process
Some factors are consistent across all diocese - Discernment via the DDO process, and recommendation for Bishops Assessment Panel and if successful a Recommendation for Training. All stages including each part of the training package require a further recommendation up to and including Ordination itself - so a candidate can be found unsuitable at any stage and basically discontinued.
There appears to be issues with Stipendiary, with age limits applied, which require a candidate to be able to offer 7 years of service at incumbent status before retirement, after Training and Curacy - or it is not cost effective to pay for the training - how many good candidates have fallen through the net due to this?
What was obvious that if you put more candidates forward for training than the number of curacies your diocese can offer - at some stage, someone is going to either not be ordained or will have to scrabble around for a curacy external to their ordaining diocese.
For Non-Stipendiary Ministry and Ordained Local Ministry, while the same constraints are not applied - the reality appears to be, that they might be informally applied within a diocese to save money.
The deployment of Stipendiary and Non-Stipendiary Ministry is National, means that post ordination - they may be sent wherever the Bishop or Province might need them. Even Ordained Local Ministry now means Diocese wide - therefore, those offering for Ordination within a Parish context have no guarantee of serving there - the bishop will deploy them, where they are needed, not where they wish to serve.
The message is to inject a sense of realism into any vocation where Ordained Ministry is discerned as the call - because it is going to be a rocky path, with the possibility of the door being slammed shut at any time, with little or no real choice in where you serve.
Despite all of this - I still feel that the path I am on cannot be just dropped due to a slightly negative message - it is to important to allow that to happen.
So, where and what is to happen - God Only Knows, as I don't.
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Sunday, 25 April 2010
I am the Good Shepherd
Today's Gospel from John , sees Jesus in the Temple, where he is challenged by the Jews "Are you the Messiah". His response was to provoke them by saying:
"The sheep that belong to me listen to my voice;I know them and they follow me.I give them eternal life; they will never be lost, and no one will ever steal them from me.The Father who gave them to me is greater than anyone,and no one can steal from the Father.The Father and I are one."
Hearing this Gospel and reading from the Pew Sheet and then listening to the sermon, highlighted to me a couple of things that I did not know, firstly that Shepherds were among the lowest of Jewish Society, and were not even permitted to give witness in court (they were not to be trusted) and that in itself the Jews would have drawn the comparison of the Good Shepherd to mean something about the Jewish Hero Judas Maccabeus who had managed to restore Religious Freedom and the Temple several hundred years before the time of Jesus.
A fatal error as Jesus was in fact referring to himself as the Good Shepherd who was the Son of God, who was of and one with God and was the Saviour and Messiah, not coming as a warlord and military solution to their problems, but as the answer for the whole of mankind.
It must have been mystifying for the Pharisee's to have had this conversation and to draw the wrong conclusions from it. Jesus was a man of peace and love, while their longing was for a strong, warlord to lead them out from the Roman occupation.
It is good to go to church and to learn something that you did not know, and to know that you can apply it to your own life - all to often we see people in one dimension and draw our conclusions from that impression - but if we look into people to see something of the Creator, through Jesus, who is the only representation of God that we have, than perhaps we will not jump to conclusions, but see things as they are.
God is Great.
Saturday, 24 April 2010
When the NHS Fails
My wife was in hospital last week for a major repair operation on her sinus. Somehow a leak of Cerebral Spine Fluid had appeared through the nose. There are risks with this, of infection including meningititis and encephalitis to name two, if left untreated. Therefore, the need for corrective surgery was urgent.
The NHS Waiting list to see ENT was at least two months, with a possible wait of 3 months for surgery. So we went private for the initial consultant appointments and tests and scans necessary to gain a diagnosis. These cost around £2k. Our consultant than transferred us to the NHS and luckily, due to a cancellation, we got an admission for surgery within 3 weeks. So far, so good.
We appeared at the hospital at 0700 hrs on Friday morning, to find works going on, had diverted everything around different corridors and ended up walking around the whole site, before finding where she was to be admitted.
Admission went well and we handed in the Scans and Xrays we had brought with us (expensive but our property) and she went down to theatre. The arrangement being that I should go home, and they would ring me when she came out of theatre to tell me which ward she was to be admitted to. As surgery would be around 2 to 3 hours, that was a reasonable suggestion - but as we live some distance from the Hospital it made sense to wait and to see.
4 hours later, with no call, I was a little worried - but going back to admissions was useless, as they could not give me any information. I was told to ring into the recovery suite. I did so, and was told - we don't know who you are talking about? By then, I was getting a bit worried, but insisted that they had someone there, belonging to me and I wanted to know what was going on.
Perhaps I am being unkind, but I was put onto a succession of individuals whose first language was obviously not English - and they had difficulty understanding me, and the reverse, I could not understand them. Eventually, after 15 minutes on the phone, I was given a Ward name that she had been admitted to - and was able to go there. It was a different Ward from the one she had been admitted to.
Eventually, finding my way there, I was able to visit her. She was barely awake, but was concerned about her property and belongings, which had been left on the admission ward, where were they?. After questioning some very harassed looking nursing staff, I was told that it had been found and was on its way to the ward. It arrived a few minutes later.
I left to go home to feed our animals, with an assurance that she was to be discharged in the morning and to come back then.
Next morning, I arrived at the ward at 0830 (within the visiting hours displayed at the hospital and on their website) to be turned away from the ward by a nurse who told me that visiting hours were from 1500 hrs and that she dared not let me in as some of the managers were about and she might get into trouble. She told me to ring hospital reception and they would let me know when my wife was to be discharged - Go home and wait!
I was than left without any choice but to wait around - I rang reception to be greeted by an ansafone asking me to speak the extension or person or Ward that I wished to speak to? asking for the ward, it worked and it rang and seemed to switch around extensions on the ward, but was not answered.
I rang successively 7 times over the next two hours, with the same outcomes. Eventually my wife managed to ring me on my mobile and left a message for me to collect her at 1pm. She had known this from first thing - but had not been able to get the message to me, and the nurse obviously, did not know this or chose not to tell me?
Eventually at 1pm I arrived back at the ward and was let in to collect my wife. We inquired about our Xrays etc, to be told that no one knew where they were, and we would have to ring in on Monday to try to trace them. They then discovered that they had forgotten to send her prescription for medication down to Pharmacy, and said that she would have to wait another 2 or 3 hours before it could be got for her. At this stage, my wife was so fed up, we decided to leave without the medication and to stop at a Chemist to pick up some pain killers, which was what was needed.
On Monday, we rang as advised and got the runaround from the Ward, Reception, ENT department, no one of whom could find or locate the xrays - promises of calls being returned have not been kept and currently, we are considering billing the NHS for the costs of the missing xrays.
A couple of days later, we got a call from the hospital saying that my wife needed to be re-admitted for further treatment on 30th April 2010. So we can now look forward to going through the whole messy scenario once again. We had not been told anything about this at any appointments or during her stay in hospital - we expected an outpatients followup in 2 weeks, nothing more.
So where does the NHS fail - basically, their ability to communicate and to pass on information to patients and to carers. The hospital website has a glossy, professional feel with lots of information, a patients charter and one for carers (me), but it appears to be all spin. The fact is that it has a face for the statistics and inspectors and another for those patients who fall into its system.
I am not critical of the staff, who to an individual were caring and doing their best, albeit, hard pressed, understaffed and in some cases, working well past break times or finish times due to the demands on them. It is the system in place to support them in doing their jobs - when you go into the hospital, you see dozens of non-clinical staff, with badges, walking to and fro, talking, laughing, looking busy, but clinical staff appear to always be looking tired, overwrought and perhaps fedup.
The NHS is not short of money, millions are being spent at the hospital to renew its infrastructure and it has first class facilities - it is the ethos of lack of care and lack of interest in patient care, which appears to pervade the structure and organisation which is the issue for me. This inevitably cascades down through staff and makes the whole thing an ordeal, which is bad enough when you are dealing with serious health issues for a loved one. When you ring in, seeking information, you expect to talk to a person not a machine and that there will be two way communication - this appears to be a major problem for them.
We are now in the situation of being missing some £2k worth of private xrays, and having to look forward to a repeat of last week's fiasco, next week. I am praying for a better outcome this time.
The NHS Waiting list to see ENT was at least two months, with a possible wait of 3 months for surgery. So we went private for the initial consultant appointments and tests and scans necessary to gain a diagnosis. These cost around £2k. Our consultant than transferred us to the NHS and luckily, due to a cancellation, we got an admission for surgery within 3 weeks. So far, so good.
We appeared at the hospital at 0700 hrs on Friday morning, to find works going on, had diverted everything around different corridors and ended up walking around the whole site, before finding where she was to be admitted.
Admission went well and we handed in the Scans and Xrays we had brought with us (expensive but our property) and she went down to theatre. The arrangement being that I should go home, and they would ring me when she came out of theatre to tell me which ward she was to be admitted to. As surgery would be around 2 to 3 hours, that was a reasonable suggestion - but as we live some distance from the Hospital it made sense to wait and to see.
4 hours later, with no call, I was a little worried - but going back to admissions was useless, as they could not give me any information. I was told to ring into the recovery suite. I did so, and was told - we don't know who you are talking about? By then, I was getting a bit worried, but insisted that they had someone there, belonging to me and I wanted to know what was going on.
Perhaps I am being unkind, but I was put onto a succession of individuals whose first language was obviously not English - and they had difficulty understanding me, and the reverse, I could not understand them. Eventually, after 15 minutes on the phone, I was given a Ward name that she had been admitted to - and was able to go there. It was a different Ward from the one she had been admitted to.
Eventually, finding my way there, I was able to visit her. She was barely awake, but was concerned about her property and belongings, which had been left on the admission ward, where were they?. After questioning some very harassed looking nursing staff, I was told that it had been found and was on its way to the ward. It arrived a few minutes later.
I left to go home to feed our animals, with an assurance that she was to be discharged in the morning and to come back then.
Next morning, I arrived at the ward at 0830 (within the visiting hours displayed at the hospital and on their website) to be turned away from the ward by a nurse who told me that visiting hours were from 1500 hrs and that she dared not let me in as some of the managers were about and she might get into trouble. She told me to ring hospital reception and they would let me know when my wife was to be discharged - Go home and wait!
I was than left without any choice but to wait around - I rang reception to be greeted by an ansafone asking me to speak the extension or person or Ward that I wished to speak to? asking for the ward, it worked and it rang and seemed to switch around extensions on the ward, but was not answered.
I rang successively 7 times over the next two hours, with the same outcomes. Eventually my wife managed to ring me on my mobile and left a message for me to collect her at 1pm. She had known this from first thing - but had not been able to get the message to me, and the nurse obviously, did not know this or chose not to tell me?
Eventually at 1pm I arrived back at the ward and was let in to collect my wife. We inquired about our Xrays etc, to be told that no one knew where they were, and we would have to ring in on Monday to try to trace them. They then discovered that they had forgotten to send her prescription for medication down to Pharmacy, and said that she would have to wait another 2 or 3 hours before it could be got for her. At this stage, my wife was so fed up, we decided to leave without the medication and to stop at a Chemist to pick up some pain killers, which was what was needed.
On Monday, we rang as advised and got the runaround from the Ward, Reception, ENT department, no one of whom could find or locate the xrays - promises of calls being returned have not been kept and currently, we are considering billing the NHS for the costs of the missing xrays.
A couple of days later, we got a call from the hospital saying that my wife needed to be re-admitted for further treatment on 30th April 2010. So we can now look forward to going through the whole messy scenario once again. We had not been told anything about this at any appointments or during her stay in hospital - we expected an outpatients followup in 2 weeks, nothing more.
So where does the NHS fail - basically, their ability to communicate and to pass on information to patients and to carers. The hospital website has a glossy, professional feel with lots of information, a patients charter and one for carers (me), but it appears to be all spin. The fact is that it has a face for the statistics and inspectors and another for those patients who fall into its system.
I am not critical of the staff, who to an individual were caring and doing their best, albeit, hard pressed, understaffed and in some cases, working well past break times or finish times due to the demands on them. It is the system in place to support them in doing their jobs - when you go into the hospital, you see dozens of non-clinical staff, with badges, walking to and fro, talking, laughing, looking busy, but clinical staff appear to always be looking tired, overwrought and perhaps fedup.
The NHS is not short of money, millions are being spent at the hospital to renew its infrastructure and it has first class facilities - it is the ethos of lack of care and lack of interest in patient care, which appears to pervade the structure and organisation which is the issue for me. This inevitably cascades down through staff and makes the whole thing an ordeal, which is bad enough when you are dealing with serious health issues for a loved one. When you ring in, seeking information, you expect to talk to a person not a machine and that there will be two way communication - this appears to be a major problem for them.
We are now in the situation of being missing some £2k worth of private xrays, and having to look forward to a repeat of last week's fiasco, next week. I am praying for a better outcome this time.
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Healing
My mind has been drawn to healing this week, the urgency reinforced by Jen's pre-admission appointment at Hospital prior to surgery on her Sinus and Brain next week. The procedure is tricky and she is in the hands of the surgeon who performed similar surgery 10 years ago, when the current problem first occurred.
Jen went through the operation and while she suffered, she appeared to be healed, until when a few weeks ago, the original problem recurred on the other side of her sinus. So healing took place, but was it only a partial heal? More being needed, being addressed now, via the new surgery.
I am praying for a succesful outcome - as anything else it to hard to contemplate - while I am doing this, I started to consider my own healing, spiritually that is?
Over the past three months, with some intense sprititual direction, with the Sacrament of Reconcilation being offered and accepted - I feel spiritually healed - with laying all of the baggage of past wounds, offered to God and laid at his feet. Off course, Jesus suffered for us and continues to suffer with us - and we add to his suffering by so many of our actions.
Healing of physical wounds can come naturally - healing of spiritual wounds runs much deeper and requires a great deal of reflection 'soul baring' to achieve - It is painful and hurts a lot - but the joy of being healed by the Grace of God is wonderful and provides a new opportunity to move forward
So I pray for Jen and her illness - I pray for her physical healing but also for her spiritual healing - whether she needs it or not, I m not judging her, just loving her - surely we who have experienced such Grace need to look to those we love and share with and Pray for them, anything else is selfish.
Jen went through the operation and while she suffered, she appeared to be healed, until when a few weeks ago, the original problem recurred on the other side of her sinus. So healing took place, but was it only a partial heal? More being needed, being addressed now, via the new surgery.
I am praying for a succesful outcome - as anything else it to hard to contemplate - while I am doing this, I started to consider my own healing, spiritually that is?
Over the past three months, with some intense sprititual direction, with the Sacrament of Reconcilation being offered and accepted - I feel spiritually healed - with laying all of the baggage of past wounds, offered to God and laid at his feet. Off course, Jesus suffered for us and continues to suffer with us - and we add to his suffering by so many of our actions.
Healing of physical wounds can come naturally - healing of spiritual wounds runs much deeper and requires a great deal of reflection 'soul baring' to achieve - It is painful and hurts a lot - but the joy of being healed by the Grace of God is wonderful and provides a new opportunity to move forward
So I pray for Jen and her illness - I pray for her physical healing but also for her spiritual healing - whether she needs it or not, I m not judging her, just loving her - surely we who have experienced such Grace need to look to those we love and share with and Pray for them, anything else is selfish.
Friday, 19 March 2010
Interview with the DDO
I had a call last week from the DDO regarding a meeting to discuss/discern my vocation towards Ordained Ministry in the Church.
I had been in a great hurry for this in the past, but given the recent stuff going on in my life, felt that it was a little to soon, and it is postponed until after Easter.
I need to be ready, to feel ready and to feel prepared before I go down that route. I see the period of Lent as that preparation and with a weekly Lent Course, spiritual direction, working in the Parish, and other church related responsibilities, I am having a quite busy time.
But the nudge is there - and I am heeding it. God is calling, I am willing and nearly ready to answer.
I had been in a great hurry for this in the past, but given the recent stuff going on in my life, felt that it was a little to soon, and it is postponed until after Easter.
I need to be ready, to feel ready and to feel prepared before I go down that route. I see the period of Lent as that preparation and with a weekly Lent Course, spiritual direction, working in the Parish, and other church related responsibilities, I am having a quite busy time.
But the nudge is there - and I am heeding it. God is calling, I am willing and nearly ready to answer.
Precious Time
Sometimes we forget how precious people and time we spend with them is. It is to late when they are gone to spend that time, and I have really got to value time spent together with friends and family.
Jen is off work for a while, she is still waiting for a call from the Hospital for surgery on the skull fracture, which is causing brain fluid to leak through her nostrils. Being NHS, it will not be done in the next day or so. But taking the chance to be together is really good, we have the time to do things together which we could not do while I was working and even after retirement, found difficult as she still works.
We went to Hever Castle yesterday, an attraction about 25 miles from where we live. It is commercialised to an extent, and everything is cordoned off, and it is all look, but don't touch. I found it quite frustrating - as it describes itself as interactive, but we noticed that those who borrowed the mobile handheld tour guides quickly ran out of battery power, half way around. No photography or video is permitted - I fail to understand why, perhaps as an encouragement to buy an expensive guide book!
The grounds however are beautiful and well worth a visit on their own account. Peaceful to walk through meadows, wooded areas and a maze, without the crowds you might get in peak season.
The delight for us however was on leaving the Castle, going to view St Peters Church at Hever, it is ancient, patently Church of England, and with many relics and associations with the Bullen (Bolyin in Anne) family and latterly the Astor Family. We found it peaceful and the stained glass window in the Chancel with the sun shining through it was stunning. Jen who is not overawed by churches found it quite beautiful, and a reminder of her childhood and CofE upbringing in Charlton and Blackheath in SE London.
Due to Jen's illness, we have not been able to really go out somewhere together for several months and I found the time together with lots of photographs as a commemoration, means that these precious times are preserved for memory and posterity (and our grand children).
Jen is off work for a while, she is still waiting for a call from the Hospital for surgery on the skull fracture, which is causing brain fluid to leak through her nostrils. Being NHS, it will not be done in the next day or so. But taking the chance to be together is really good, we have the time to do things together which we could not do while I was working and even after retirement, found difficult as she still works.
We went to Hever Castle yesterday, an attraction about 25 miles from where we live. It is commercialised to an extent, and everything is cordoned off, and it is all look, but don't touch. I found it quite frustrating - as it describes itself as interactive, but we noticed that those who borrowed the mobile handheld tour guides quickly ran out of battery power, half way around. No photography or video is permitted - I fail to understand why, perhaps as an encouragement to buy an expensive guide book!
The grounds however are beautiful and well worth a visit on their own account. Peaceful to walk through meadows, wooded areas and a maze, without the crowds you might get in peak season.
The delight for us however was on leaving the Castle, going to view St Peters Church at Hever, it is ancient, patently Church of England, and with many relics and associations with the Bullen (Bolyin in Anne) family and latterly the Astor Family. We found it peaceful and the stained glass window in the Chancel with the sun shining through it was stunning. Jen who is not overawed by churches found it quite beautiful, and a reminder of her childhood and CofE upbringing in Charlton and Blackheath in SE London.
Due to Jen's illness, we have not been able to really go out somewhere together for several months and I found the time together with lots of photographs as a commemoration, means that these precious times are preserved for memory and posterity (and our grand children).
Friday, 12 March 2010
Back to Work
I went with Jen to work today - she was under some pressure and asked if I could help with some stuff that was urgently needed to be completed to a deadline. Other staff are off either on leave or sick, so spare capacity was zero.
I must admit, that I was reluctant - retirement has meant the freedom of how I get up, slop around, dress or study at home. Even on those days for my Parish Attachments or Church activities, I am relaxed and casual.
But, I agreed and got up in the old routine and we went to work together, I have perhaps become a little insular in the last few months, as I thought that the workplace was crowded with desks, computers, notice boards and all sorts of IT & Office Machinery. No laptop and freedom to move around with it and to work where I want.
But I was made most welcome, some of the people I had known before, having worked there 25 years ago - others were new to me. It felt strange getting back into a working environment, using networked systems and email (by proxy for Jen) to achieve the target.
I had forgotten how slow a Wide Area Network, using bespoke applications can be, and how frustrating it can be when a report is run and comes up with Zero as the Parameters were not set properly. In the end the aim was achieved and the information produced, collated and emailed to the impatient recipient.
Having been out of the workplace since last August - I have got out of the work habit and perhaps that is to the good - freedom of choice and the financial security to allow it is not given to many, and I realise how fortunate I am to have it.
I had thought about part-time employment, but there is little prospect of that in the current climate - and I am perhaps grateful for that. My quality of life is so much better without the daily travel, work routine and grind that is being on a treadmill with responsibilities for management, funding, people, health and safety and so many other things.
My responsibility is now for my family, perhaps myself and to where God is calling me and willing me to be - working with or in the Church in some form of ministry. God is Great.
I must admit, that I was reluctant - retirement has meant the freedom of how I get up, slop around, dress or study at home. Even on those days for my Parish Attachments or Church activities, I am relaxed and casual.
But, I agreed and got up in the old routine and we went to work together, I have perhaps become a little insular in the last few months, as I thought that the workplace was crowded with desks, computers, notice boards and all sorts of IT & Office Machinery. No laptop and freedom to move around with it and to work where I want.
But I was made most welcome, some of the people I had known before, having worked there 25 years ago - others were new to me. It felt strange getting back into a working environment, using networked systems and email (by proxy for Jen) to achieve the target.
I had forgotten how slow a Wide Area Network, using bespoke applications can be, and how frustrating it can be when a report is run and comes up with Zero as the Parameters were not set properly. In the end the aim was achieved and the information produced, collated and emailed to the impatient recipient.
Having been out of the workplace since last August - I have got out of the work habit and perhaps that is to the good - freedom of choice and the financial security to allow it is not given to many, and I realise how fortunate I am to have it.
I had thought about part-time employment, but there is little prospect of that in the current climate - and I am perhaps grateful for that. My quality of life is so much better without the daily travel, work routine and grind that is being on a treadmill with responsibilities for management, funding, people, health and safety and so many other things.
My responsibility is now for my family, perhaps myself and to where God is calling me and willing me to be - working with or in the Church in some form of ministry. God is Great.
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