Signs Received

I went to Aylesford Priory today for a quiet day of prayer and reflection. I’m due to attend a Diocesan Panel this coming Saturday, which is part of the discernment process for Ordained Ministry in the Church of England.

I’ve been in preparation for this panel for a number of weeks, and have done loads of stuff for it, including thinking through the Ordination Criteria and how the church will seek to discern whether my vocation is real, valid and whether my limited gifts could be usefully employed in an active ministry.

During the past few weeks since the date was announced, I’ve had mega-support from my Vicar and other Clergy and lay people within the Parish, culminating with special prayers last Sunday at Holy Communion, combined with the laying on of hands. I’ve felt honoured and humbled by their support, fellowship and evident encouragement to test the vocation I’ve explored for the past two years.

Yesterday I had a meeting with my Spiritual Director, which was enjoyable and which I left feeling very affirmed. In fact, I was totally relaxed and on top of the world. During the meeting in some way, God prompted me that I needed a quiet day, which I resolved to spend at Aylesford Priory.

A few hours later when the magnitude of what I am about to go through hit home. I had what I would call a ‘wobble’ and a crisis of confidence. I really felt that it was all to much, and that I wouldn’t be able to cope. But with support from others, I resolved to continue onto the quiet day and see what God might be saying to me over this.

This morning I arrived at Aylesford by 8. am. My SD had been struck by the words of Colossians 4, “Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside speech always be with grace” which I felt should be the theme for the quiet day. It was quiet and peaceful and I was able to walk around praying including the Rosary Walk, and than I went and sat in the Cloister Chapel for an hour and read the Gospel of John from the KJV of the bible that I had with me.. The opening words from John 1 to John 8, just seemed to be shouting at me that I too could be a messenger. I sat for a while, but I’d had a huge mood swing from negative to positive. Something was happening to transform me. I prayed in thanks giving.

I went for another longish prayer walk, stopping at the Cafe for a tea break, and decided that I would attend the mid-day Mass in the Cloister chapel. I’m quite comfortable at Mass, but as they were using the Revised Missal, I got a little confused. However, the first reading was from 1Samuel3, where the Lord calls Samuel. Again, God seemed to be shouting at me. Yes, You!!. I passed the rest of the Mass in bit of a daze. Could God actually be giving me signs, telling me that I might just be on the right path? I have to take it in good faith that he is.

I’ve returned home from Aylesford Priory, convinced that it was God’s prompting that drew me there today, where he was waiting to sign post me or to let me have a glimpse of his intentions. God speaking to me through scripture is a wonderful experience. I now go forward to the panel with renewed hope and spirit. God is Great.

 Photograph from Aylesford Priory Website: http://www.thefriars.org.uk/