Stroke

I had a shock on 6th July when my spouse suffered a stroke. Fortunately I was there when it happened and recognising the signs, I dialed 999 even before I went to her aid (she had fallen). The Ambulance arrived within 10 minutes and she was in a Stroke unit within 30.  She was within the time frame for administration of the clott busting drug, which limited the damage done, but it was still substantial.

As a left brain stroke, her right side was affected, which also involves some parts that control speech and swallowing. She is right handed so the right arm and side are weaker as a result.

After three days in the acute care unit, she was transferred to a local stroke unit for our area, where she underwent three weeks of rehabilitation.

For me, the effect was one of great anxiety, as due to the Covid19 restrictions I had to watch the Ambulance leave without me and I was unable to go to the hospital to visit or to be with her.  Fortunately, the Dr who was treating her in the ACU rang me to confirm the diagnosis and to tell me what the initial assessment was.  Due to the quick actions I took, she had been given a change of making a good recovery, longer term.

I recall as she was being taken into the ambulance, she insisted (through slurred speech) I want my phone and I grabbed it and the charger and gave it to her.

This enabled her within two days to at least ring me to ask for things, It was difficult to understand her, but I got the gist, she needed clothes, some personal stuff and the likes of washing and shower stuff. I was permitted to pack a bag and deliver it to the ACU for her, with additional things over the next two days.  After her transfer to the rehab stroke unit I was able to visit the ward, but not to enter, but to hand over the essentials she needed and collect items for laundry.

In the meantime, I had activated the video call using Google Duo, which we had activated on both her and my smartphones just a few days before her stroke.  This allowed us to call each other daily. We had found that pure audio calls had caused difficulty for her.  She had been diagnosed some years ago with hearing loss of 50 per cent in both ears, and the stroke had caused a temporary worsening of this condition, she just could not hear very well.  Video though was a revelation. She had been compensating for the hearing loss by being able to lip sync, now she could see my mouth, she was able to know what I was saying, while I could understand her better as her speech therapy kicked in and day by day, she got better. 

Thanks to her personal determination her rehabilitation in hospital went well and after 24 days, she was assessed as able to return home, with continuing care from community specialists and she came home on the 30th of July.  Too say that I was overjoyed is an understatement.  We have been married for 32 years, and while we had been apart before for periods of working away, never had we been apart for so long. Yes, she had been in hospital before for operations on a dodgy sinus and two bouts of pneumonia, but I had been able to visit and see her. I had heard of others suffering by the artificial separation caused by the virus, many of whom had been denied access to family members or friends due to virus restrictions, having to grieve and even some had been unable to attend the funeral of a much loved family member.   I shared in a small way, their experience, although, I knew from the outset that we would eventually be reunited.  

Now she is home, she had her first contact within 24 hours with the community care team of therapists and her first assessment visit within 48 hours yesterday.  We can now expect intensive, every other day visits for the next two weeks, with then a less intensive regime for the following four weeks.

Our shared experience has been traumatic, but also hope filled. So many people have been praying for us both, so many have stepped up to support us to make unqualified offers of help, that it is a positive sign for me that people are instinctively reaching out to support others, a characteristic of their humanity, whether or not they share our Christian Faith.  Some Clergy friends, my Spiritual Director and many others outside our family and friends circle has helped and supported us. Even some that we don't know, but have heard of J's condition have contacted us with prayers and offers of help.  I have been stopped on the street by people that I don't know, but who know J offering their support for her and for me.  Surely, the portrayal in the media of some being heartless is certainly misguided and does a disservice to people.  In their view the only news is the bad, and often the unsung silent, quiet work of many is ignored.

The care that J had from the NHS has been first class following the stroke, which we are thankful for, and the ongoing care will be appreciated.  But, we are only to aware that the warning signs of the potential for a stroke, evident from an A&E admission 3 days before the stroke and a follow up visit for scans and tests the day before the stroke were not acted on by those she saw.  This is something to be addressed in the future, for now we need to concentrate on J's rehabilitation and restoration to whatever new normal health wise will be for her.

One of the personal effects for me were that when seeking to pray for her, the contemporary prayers and resources didn't really appeal. I resorted to the words of the Book of Common prayer, including the traditional language Psalms for my lamentation, because that is what and how I felt, and perhaps what I needed to pray for healing and wholeness for J.

Now, I am returning to the more modern forms of language, particularly a catholic prayer book, which seem to suit how I now feel.  Gratitude to God for his healing and mercy for J, and also the process of healing my spirit as I go forward.  Thanks be to God.

Lent and Ash Wednesday

We are now in to Lent, the season of Reflective Penitence.  At our Ashing Service yesterday, I was privileged for the first time ever to do the Ashing along side my Vicar.  Having spent a life time of being "done to" it was something new, and a sign of the real collaborative ministry that Simon employs, his inclusive mode of work is bearing fruit among our people, with people offering to serve in new roles for them and an increase in people signing up for our Lent Course.

I am in a position where my ministry has blossomed under his incumbency, given that there are 40 years between us, it is a sign that he values what few gifts that I possess, including regular preaching slots in services, but also pastoral visiting to take home communion and anointing the sick at times, when he isn't available.

He demonstrates how in church leadership, collaborative leadership isn't just a notion, it is doing God's work in action.  Also, he has a young family in the Vicarage, the first time in three previous incumbencies where young families were not about, this is bearing fruit in a different way, as more families are coming for Baptism and than making a commitment to stay and join in.

When the focus of the church appears to be growth using innovative methods of building new congregations, Simon demonstrates that a concentration of pastoral, caring, welcoming ministry, still has a place. We are growing, one family at a time and also many individuals who "come and see" in response to invitations from members of the church to friends or those that they meet and express their faith and the good news of the Gospel to.

This Lent, we will have new people joining us, and this year we also have six marriages booked so far, which is four more than the past five years.   And funerals in church, rather than at the Crem are rising.  We now have many more in church, than at the crem, sometimes two or three in a week.

Being so busy is a blessing, but also a source of stress, I tire easily these days, so need to pace myself, I also urge Simon to do the same.  But we have never been busier, so I am not complaining, just thankful that God is working so hard in our community.

I look forward to more of the same. Thanks be to God.

Parliament

Events in Parliament on Saturday and continuing this week are both confusing and worrying.

There appears to be so many "vested interests" employed that I no longer know who believes what and what is the best way forward for the UK or Europe. The rest of the world must be looking on in amazement at the mess we have managed to make of our Governance and reputation in the past three years or so.

The way forward is complicated by a determination by Government to force legislation through, while various shades of opposition want varying things from a General Election, to a complete abolition of Brexit and to continue in the EU as if we had never decided to leave.

We might have another referendum, or a general election or both or none, nothing to help the public to voice their thoughts or frustration apart from taking to the streets.

Division between people, nations and those people from Europe settled here, who no longer feel welcome. No wonder many people are feeling alienated from all politics.

I feel that a General Election is needed, whether or not it results in a hung parliament. It seems to me that having a Government of National Coalition might be a simpler way forward. But of course the vested interests won't allow that. And the last coalition gave us Austerity, The bedroom tax and Universal Credit. All of which has increased poverty, homelessness and as always with these things, made the poor suffer the most.

I note the number of MP's who have decided that they have had enough and will leave at the next General Election, no longer wanting to be party to the shambles that is the current Parliament. Our local MP (Labour) who has served us well for 15 years is standing down, which we are sad about. She has been a faithful constituency MP and responsible for initiatives locally, alongside the Council to make life a bit easier for many of us.

We need strong, compassionate government, not the self serving policies coming from the current parties in power or opposition. I pray that we might actually have that soon.  

Burglary at Our Church

Our Church suffered a burglary on last Friday afternoon. Someone managed to break through a window in the church office and searched. Most things were locked, so they found a laptop and took it. The office door was locked so they didn't get any further to take anything else. Also, that evening, someone forced a side door to our church hall, again an untidy search, but everything was locked up and as far as we can see, nothing was taken.

The response to the burglary from local people has been astonishing. A new laptop is being delivered by a donor today and a local company is offering to install an alarm and CCTV free of charge.We love our local community and they turned out in solidarity yesterday to our Summer Fayre and the conversation was about "How can people steal from a church" and real support and some cash donations to assist our mission and ministry. We might be in an urban town on the outskirts of London, but local people call Belvedere "The Village" as it has a village atmosphere. 

And people love their local church, even though we only have 140 on our electoral roll. Many more come to Remembrance and social events and support our uniformed groups. We have much to be thankful for our supportive community. I have to say that we have five other churches in our "Village" and many people belong to them, so the worshiping community is much broader than just us. 

The reaction to the burglary has demonstrated something for us. Our Mission Action Plan has at it's heart reaching out to the community, not just staying inside the Bricks and Mortar.And on all of our activities a year or so ago, were centered on the Church Hall, but we made a decision that all events would include some activities in the church itself. So, that first year, hundreds came through the church doors for the first time, or more likely, the first time in many years.It was lovely to meet people who remembered being children in the choir forty years before, or whose parents, grand parents were hatched, matched or despatched there in the last sixty or seventy years. People feel a real connection with the church, we have many funerals from families who might have moved away, but come back due to family graves in the corporation cemetery five minutes walk away, or ashes in our garden of remembrance.

And the connection thing, also brings us weddings as well. We have nine booked this year, many of them marrying here due to their qualifying connections. 

The church is just over 160 years old, built by the Lord of the Manor at the time as a Chapel of Ease for his workers on his estate, and extended through benefactors over time to be adopted as a Parish Church after the Lord's wife before dying expressed a wish for it to be adopted by the CofE. The Church was consecrated by Arch Bishop of Canterbury (Benson) in 1862. 

The first Vicar stayed for 30 years, building two daughter churches in that time.Our tradition over the generations moved from early Evangelical, through relatively Anglo Catholic to our now, settled middle of the road tradition, inclusive and multi-cultural. Something like 12 languages are spoken by church members, representative of the diversity of our community.

Our annual multi-cultural service will be held next Sunday, and I will be reading the Psalm in Cockney to represent many of the people in the parish, who share my own London Heritage.Kent will feature somewhere as many of the original families remain represented in our parish, so a prayer in their vernacular will be included.

As you can tell perhaps, I adore the place that I belong, who welcomed me when I first joined them, supported me through training for Licensed Ministry and continue to support me when I preach and lead. Somehow, we share a strong sense of humour, which helps as we journey together. I thank God for the place, people and his action with us.  

Our next Prime Minister

I don't know who will be the next PM, but feel that the debate going on between conservative candidates is missing the point.

Their concentration on Brexit is obviously their priority, but what about the other priorities for the whole country. We are hearing generalisations of what they will do about various areas of policy and making sound bite promises, without much supporting evidence or substance.

What is so worrying is all of the candidates talk about leaving the EU, in the main, without a deal with the EU. One candidate, is rocking that boat and seems to be promising to be a Mrs May, Mk2. But some of what he says makes sense, at least to me, but not to his fellow candidates, all of whom have occupied senior posts in government for some time.  Does this make them more experienced, hence more suitable to be our Prime Minister?  I am not sure that is true.

They all appear to be afraid of the consequences of a General Election, which they believe will let Mr Corbyn into Downing Street.  Perhaps it will, but will voters vote for either of the main parties that have prevaricated over Brexit for the past three years.

The danger of Right Wing parties emerging to have a place in government is worrying, but the political breakdown among the mainstream parties could well allow that to happen.

I am in favour of proportional representation, which the devolved countries demonstrate works for them, The only reason the main stream parties don't support it, appears to be fear of losing their power base in Government, in other words, the opportunity to govern without having to compromise.

Surely, now is the time for compromise, if only politicians could put aside selfish self interest and consider the health, wealth and unity of the nation, whether in or out of Europe.

Our next PM needs to be a focus for unity, but on the current evidence, it would appear that whoever is selected will continue to divide, not unite.

I was looking for a lead from our Church Leaders, who have been remarkably silent on the issues, apart from in the Lords.  Surely our Bishops should be occupying the public space more visibly than they are, because we should be speaking truth to power, instead of just hoping that it will all go away?

I pray for unity of purpose and people, particularly from our Politicians. Hope is all that we have, because the lack of hope and sense of frustration of people with politicians is growing daily.

EU Elections

I am sad that the EU elections have not provided any conclusion about how the Government and Opposition will engage in Brexit debate in Parliament after the results published this morning.

Those who support remain emphasise the outcome of remain are saying that their combined result points to a new referendum, while the leave parties say that the evidence is that the outcome would be the same.

But we are ignoring the fact that turnout was relatively low.  In my own area the turnout was only 37 percent, leaving an undecided or alienated vote of 63 per cent of voters who didn't voice their opinion.

If we had a general election now, it is unclear whether people would vote for their traditional parties, discarding the populist parties?  Evidence is that when the crunch comes, is that people will stick by what they know, rather take the risk of voting for the unknown.   Pro-Brexit parties didn't do well at the last general election, which delivered a hung parliament, despite an overall conservative majority., which had to rely on the votes of the DUP to get any government business done.

I voted, but not for any of the mainstream parties, which probably means a wasted vote, but at least I voted.  Perhaps its time to make voting compulsory rather than the current position that allows people to abstain if they can't be bothered. Australia has imposed this and their most recent general election, while close has delivered a clear winner.

The other option might be proportional representation, rejected by the UK Parliament, but something that deserves to be considered. The First Past the Post system has failed us, so perhaps a negotiated coalition after a proportional vote, might be more representative of the electorate.

Now is the time to debate change, alongside the Brexit debate, we deserve to be well represented and for sensible policies for the greater good of the whole of the UK, rather than a situation where the country is subject to the whims of a single governing party for six years at a time.

When your Signifcant Other is unwell

Jen my spouse is in hospital once again. The last episode was 6 years ago, when she caught pneominia which became a severe chest infection and affected her breathing.  She recovered, but her system was weakened.

Now, she is struggling to get sufficient oxygene into her blood, which culminated in her heart not getting enough to move things around her body in a natural way.  So fluid has built up in her lungs and her body, making her very unwell.

She is in good hands, who immediately took things in hand, but she it trapped in a hospital bed on oxygene and they will not let her out until they have found some way of treating what is going to be a life long, and perhaps life limiting disability.

I feel hopeless.  I know that I can pray, I can ask God to heal his servant, but is that realistic? God's intervention would be a miracle, but a restoration to some sort of health will be down in part to the treatments available through the science of medicine held by her doctors, and also for some life style changes, perhaps even retiring from work.

She loves her job, she has been there for 47 years and doesn't want to give up, and being civil service, they have relaxed the age limits, meaning that she can choose when and how she retires.  She is above state pension age, so could retire immediately with her civil service pension and state pension and not be any worse off.  But something that she is reluctant to do.

I am wondering if my absence on church stuff has anything to do with that decision?

Yes, I feel called to do what I do as a Reader and outworker in the Church, but now fast approaching seventy, I am wondering where my priorities should lay.  At home, caring for Jen, which would be isolating for me, and possibly suffocating for Jen.  At the moment, our balance is really good as she is able to choose what she wants to do, and does. Would our being together all day, every day be something that would affect how our comfortable, supportive relationship works.  I think it would.

All of our lives together for the last 30 years or so has been of being apart, working apart, sometimes seperated for weeks at a time, but coming home being a wonderful blessing as we shared our stories and experiences while apart.   There was also 20 years of our shared military experience, me full time, her part-time, which brought us together for mid-week training, training weekends and Annual Training. Periods where we had different, but complementary roles and status. My role as an Officer, her role as a SNCO.   We have not only our shared relationship of love and mutual support, but shared work and life interests as well.

We broke that circle when I retired in 2009 after 43 years, and I found a vocation, tested it and eventually settled as a Reader.  In the meantime Jen also retired from her part-time commitment, and we had more time together, albeit we swapped roles as I became the home maker and she became the bread winner.   This worked well and continues to do so.

But her new illness changes all of that.  It overturns the balance, as Jen needs me home more while she recovers, whill I want to too and will do so, I will miss doing what I do a lot.

I am praying for Jen's recovery, and some Holy Spirit inspiration on the way forward for us as a family?  God willing, it will be forthcoming.

13 May 19

Jen is now home, with lots of meds. The illness has affected her lungs and heart and she awaits a follow up cardiac appointment.  But in herself, while weak and tired is in good spirits and just glad to be home with comforts familiar to her.

The illness amounts to a dsability, which can be controlled by appropriate medication and some small changes to lfie style.  She has already made adjustments and will be followed up by our excellent, new GP later this month.

I thank God for her recovery and I know that people who have been praying for her has been part of it.  Thanks be to God.


19 May 2019

Another update. Jen is recovering well, but blood tests last Wednesday, high lighted that there is still a remaining infection which has not yet gone away.  She had antibiotics for it while an inpatient and a biopsy which took out what was described as a pneumonia in her right lung.  And the lungs showed clear on two scans and xray.

She is to have more blood tests and we are attempting to get a GP apppointment for next week, which is proving difficult, given pressure on our GP's surgery.  But hopefully, as the GP is aware of the situation, we will be able to get an appointment sooner, rather than later.

She is easily tired and the meds are having some small side effects, so we will look to see if there are alternatives available soon.

I am praying for her recovery, as are people in our Church and elsewhere.