Puzzled by God's Will? I am!!

A Parish Priest I know died suddenly this week, following a major stroke which, if he had lived, would have left him incapacitated.  

Merciful you might say, and I know that his spouse and parishioners are taking as comfort that in the midst of their 'afflictions' that they can pray with faith and love the General Thanks giving1 from the BCP.

Almighty God, Father of all mercies,
we thine unworthy servants
do give thee most humble and hearty thanks
for all thy goodness and loving-kindness to us and to all men;
[particularly to those who desire now to offer up their praises
and thanksgivings for thy late mercies vouchsafed unto them.]
We bless thee for our creation, preservation,
and all the blessings of this life;
but above all for thine inestimable love
in the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ,
for the means of grace, and for the hope of glory.
And we beseech thee, give us that due sense of all thy mercies,
that our hearts may be unfeignedly thankful,
and that we shew forth thy praise, not only with our lips,
but in our lives; by giving up ourselves to thy service,
and by walking before thee in holiness and righteousness
all our days;
through Jesus Christ our Lord,
to whom with thee and the Holy Ghost
be all honour and glory, world without end.
Amen.

I'm wondering can I share their faith in that unquestioning way?  Can I not feel puzzled, confused, hurt or angry that God's will seems to removed someone in the prime of his life and ministry, suddenly and unexpectedly from his family, friends and congregation who loved his powerful, prayerful, pastoral ministry at a crucial time for the parish in it's development of a new project to improve how it serves the wider community.  The deceased was a prime mover in this project and provided much of the vision, action and doing of those working to bring this about.

Why are they not shouting at God in anger and frustration?   Powerful emotions I know that surged through me, once I'd gotten over the initial shock of being told of the circumstances when I visited the parish for a Regular mid-week communion service today.

Last week, he had been there, restored from a recent sabbatical, preaching powerfully and determined to reinvigorate the spiritual, scriptural, liturgical and musical development of the parishioners and to take it out of the church, into the community as outreach.   This was MISSION in capitals and surely God's will?  If not, what is?  What now for that vision now he has gone?

While this isn't my home parish, I seem to be sharing the hurt, puzzlement and questions of many I've met and talked and prayed with this evening, but the thing I can't seem to share is their seeming 'acceptance' that God's will has been shown?  This is all part of God's plan, and a new way will be found once the mourning is done and someone else will come forward or be brought in to complete the brilliant legacy of work and ministry that he left.  

If this is God's will, is it that of the Old Testament God, The one who seemed to vent his wrath, surely not, because the Parish firmly believes that the spirit was guiding the Parish Priest and them in their vision and work.

Is this the God of who the Psalmist writes: Ps139.3-5

You see me, whether I am working or resting;
you know all my actions.
4 Even before I speak,
you already know what I will say.
5 You are all around me on every side;
you protect me with your power

I wonder - not a lot of protection going on here!!

I suspect that this situation is one I need to take more time to reflect and pray on, because at the moment I'm inwardly raging at God for taking such a Holy Man from us and with all of the hurt, pain and grief and uncertainty is causes not just for his family, but the wider community that he ministered to.   My lack of understanding is perhaps due to a lack of humility, but while he wasn't my parish priest, I knew and respected him, had on occasion confided in him and he had unconditionally offered me pastoral care if I needed it.

Lord, I pray that you bring peace and understanding to me and the many who are confused tonight by your will, which we pray for so often to be made clear, but has been made clear in a way which is so hard to bear.  I ask this, in Jesus' name, Amen.


References:
1. http://www.churchofengland.org/prayer-worship/worship/texts/psalter,-collects-and-other-resources/litprayr/prayers.aspx